Mom, we are here
Are you sleeping or in pensive mood.
Poor one , she does not know that I lost my dream years ago, when I lost my Andrew. She listed her struggles in getting the permission from her husband to bring me to America. "See mom....... Raj was not all convinced but I was after him because I heard you pleading many times to dad about your dream".
I did not heed to her words,some only I heard ... but I could see very clearly the big library hall in University College, where I first met Andrew; he was searching some exceptional books and arguing with the librarian. It became my hobby to watch him, so thirsty a person for getting different books, for different thinking.
His energetic talk and masculinity enchanted me , but later on only, I got a clear picture of his broken family background, then I started to love him .
Some times he was like a kid but when we tried to sympathize, he would behave in an odd way , " yes I am kidding but that doesnot mean that I am weak". I really idolised him but helpless to make him understand.
His favourite writers were Emerson and Thoro.
Once I asked him , "Andrew who had suggested your name, because there is a character, Andrew Manson in .A.J Cronin's novel, 'Citadel', but he was so furious when he heard about novels. Yes he was in a sublime world seems to be sensuous but never agrees to be tender
I was mesmerised by his rebellious nature, really I dreamt of such a man , for me it was a sign of masculinity. He also had some dreams, but revolting. His revolting attitude was his charm, he never trusted the love of women, may be because of the parental conflict.
When once he opened his dream to visit Walden the enchanting place , I felt very lonely , then for the first time I held his hand and asked, "what about me?" , then he hugged me.... the first token of love and when we bid farewell from college , he assured me to meet my father ,I couldn't believe; but to my surprise next day morning he was there near our front door , and directly talked to my father about his wish to marry me and how he developed love towards me and so on....
I was literally tried to hide lest because I knew how my father's refusal would be...
only because of religion. My dad was really fanatic, but I couldn't object or fight for my dad's final decision of my marriage with a man of high status. I died inside but I had no courage to talk about my dream ..... no, our dream. I simply obeyed him like a machine ...there I lost my dream and love
I could never see my Andrew after that...
Now ,finally I reached our dream place ...yes Andrew I am in a pensive mood and I could see my Andrew holding my hand and we are here in this paradise of Nature... as we wished ....we can enjoy the perfect beauty and benevolence of God..... this is really the shore of Love .....that you imparted.....
hold me Andrew , hold me tight I want to come back to life.