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We are not lovers
You always ask me that what I mean to you? What is my place in your heart? How do you define our relationship? What comes to your mind when you think about me? Wait do you think about me? Do you have time for that?
Let me answer all your questions today, I know it's late but it's never too late. We are not lovers but you love me like crazy I know you do. I like you but not as my man, it's complicated you know. So in short we were friends like best friends but in this relation you are the one who said it all, and I am the one who kept all in. That's cheating so you can say that I cheated on you with myself. You were the cutest, happiest and most loveable thing happened to me in the past few years of my life. Most importantly when my heart was heavy, my soul was shattered, my colors were fading out. You came to me like a fresh breeze in autumn. You never said who am I to you? How much I mean to you? But your actions explained it well. Every time you called me ,my heart skipped a beat. Every time you were away I missed you to death. But then again I reminded myself we are not lovers. Your heart was broken, and I was helping you to collect your pieces to make you a whole again, my fingers were bleeding I was getting wounds in order to reconstruct your heart into its place more prettily than before. It was not your fault that you never noticed because you were crumbling with pain. I don't blame you, I don't blame myself. Maybe it was supposed to be how it was. Between us everything was intimate even if there was no love no confession no commitment. Your voice melted my heart that was cold as ice, every word you said was nice. But I reminded myself we are not lovers & this is wrong. To love the man who still loves someone else how am I supposed to take her place? This feeling felt like hell. And if I do how long am I going to be by your side? Because I was struggling too. I wanted to find my inner self, to chase my dreams there was no place for love in between. I started growing distance, you kept watching me with patience, there were no morning calls no late night conversations. Our friendship was falling apart but whenever you called I never answered, you sent texts I never replied. That broke your heart, it was going to be like this I knew from start. When we talked after months it was a bit of conversation but I can see through your texts you were trembling my words were fumbling. But there was line of distance I have drawn, no one crossed. And the night you told me that you love me, you were so afraid to say this but you said “yeah it's true I love you I love you so much” I still remember that text flickering on my phone screen at 3am. Again I reminded myself that we are not lovers and kept my thoughts inside my head. Even though I deleted the conversation the very next morning and you forgot what you said. When you got hospitalized there was no way for me to ask you to come back to life. All my words were decorated lies. I thought how will I forgive myself if you died. Fortunately, you were a survivor you fought so bravely I was the one who saw myself hatefully. You kept on telling me your friends are coming over to see you I know deep inside you were asking when I will be there because you wanted to see me, well me too(I never said because to you, it was a lie again). As I said all the things except the ones you wanted to hear. Meanwhile, pandemic arose and you were in isolation. Again I thought how will I forgive myself if you died. That plunge of pain was difficult to hide. Even in my smiles I cried. But again I reminded myself. We are not lovers.
Heavens listened to my prayer warrior like you is rare. Again you survived. It was painful even if you don't talk to me, you can never hide. Days changed into weeks and weeks into months but your number I never dialed. Because we are not lovers. We never was. We never will be I guess. We never confessed, we never met. We never let go of each other either. We feel everything we never said. We did nothing for each other, but we did so much. And we know that we can be everything but not us. We have so many never but not a forever. Because we are not lovers.
© hira Ch
Let me answer all your questions today, I know it's late but it's never too late. We are not lovers but you love me like crazy I know you do. I like you but not as my man, it's complicated you know. So in short we were friends like best friends but in this relation you are the one who said it all, and I am the one who kept all in. That's cheating so you can say that I cheated on you with myself. You were the cutest, happiest and most loveable thing happened to me in the past few years of my life. Most importantly when my heart was heavy, my soul was shattered, my colors were fading out. You came to me like a fresh breeze in autumn. You never said who am I to you? How much I mean to you? But your actions explained it well. Every time you called me ,my heart skipped a beat. Every time you were away I missed you to death. But then again I reminded myself we are not lovers. Your heart was broken, and I was helping you to collect your pieces to make you a whole again, my fingers were bleeding I was getting wounds in order to reconstruct your heart into its place more prettily than before. It was not your fault that you never noticed because you were crumbling with pain. I don't blame you, I don't blame myself. Maybe it was supposed to be how it was. Between us everything was intimate even if there was no love no confession no commitment. Your voice melted my heart that was cold as ice, every word you said was nice. But I reminded myself we are not lovers & this is wrong. To love the man who still loves someone else how am I supposed to take her place? This feeling felt like hell. And if I do how long am I going to be by your side? Because I was struggling too. I wanted to find my inner self, to chase my dreams there was no place for love in between. I started growing distance, you kept watching me with patience, there were no morning calls no late night conversations. Our friendship was falling apart but whenever you called I never answered, you sent texts I never replied. That broke your heart, it was going to be like this I knew from start. When we talked after months it was a bit of conversation but I can see through your texts you were trembling my words were fumbling. But there was line of distance I have drawn, no one crossed. And the night you told me that you love me, you were so afraid to say this but you said “yeah it's true I love you I love you so much” I still remember that text flickering on my phone screen at 3am. Again I reminded myself that we are not lovers and kept my thoughts inside my head. Even though I deleted the conversation the very next morning and you forgot what you said. When you got hospitalized there was no way for me to ask you to come back to life. All my words were decorated lies. I thought how will I forgive myself if you died. Fortunately, you were a survivor you fought so bravely I was the one who saw myself hatefully. You kept on telling me your friends are coming over to see you I know deep inside you were asking when I will be there because you wanted to see me, well me too(I never said because to you, it was a lie again). As I said all the things except the ones you wanted to hear. Meanwhile, pandemic arose and you were in isolation. Again I thought how will I forgive myself if you died. That plunge of pain was difficult to hide. Even in my smiles I cried. But again I reminded myself. We are not lovers.
Heavens listened to my prayer warrior like you is rare. Again you survived. It was painful even if you don't talk to me, you can never hide. Days changed into weeks and weeks into months but your number I never dialed. Because we are not lovers. We never was. We never will be I guess. We never confessed, we never met. We never let go of each other either. We feel everything we never said. We did nothing for each other, but we did so much. And we know that we can be everything but not us. We have so many never but not a forever. Because we are not lovers.
© hira Ch
