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Scraps Of Memory: Nicole
You said I was an old soul, you defended me from my brother's abuse and wowed me with your strength and ferocity, so long ago and yet some details are too foggy. Together we stole some gum from a vendor, we got caught but the vendor let us keep it and just smiled. You were a free spirit and I enjoyed every adventure and conversation you offered, you not only made me think but you sparked an evolution in the way I thought, now I lust for a furtherance of what you once offered.
I still love you Nicole, but so many of my memories were lost after a train and truck collision I survived and on top of that, I've had so many dreams of you that I can't tell the difference between some of the details from my dreams and actual memories.
The descriptions I am sure of is that you were one hell of a kisser and conversationalist, the best companion I ever spent time with. You smoked cigarettes but still your kisses gave me more than I have ever gotten out of kissing anyone else. We talked about philosophy, music, and even your dreams and aspirations. Your intelligence was on a whole other level compared to other people. I admired you so much it ached and still does. Though sex was on the table, the hint of my asexuality wasn't yet understood by me and though I knew that I saw you as a most ideal reproductive partner.... I knew and respected that you had dreams such would interfere with and the only sexual desires I had were and are reproductive ones.
Did you have two different eye colors or was that from my dream? Maybe you spoke to me once about liking that particular genetic anomaly, I am unsure though.
Were you non-binary, or was that from my dreams? Maybe you felt like a guy trapped in a woman's body or was that from a dream influenced by the words of my wife who said precisely that? I am unsure but am fairly certain there was something of that nature about you.....
Were you polyamorous like I am now, or did I dream that as a means to allow myself to marry someone rather than continue to search for you?
Did you say something about moving to Paris? Paris Indiana or Paris France? Was that just a dream, was it an alteration of what you actually said with some relation to how I remembered it?
Your real name wasn't Nicole, that was just your preferred name that you hoped to one day get it legally changed to. You absolutely hated your real name, unfortunately the result is that I wasn't able to remember your real name partly out of respect for the hatred you had for it.
Your guardians seemed to like me, I liked them too and frankly wish I was able to get adopted by them so I could be close to you and reach a higher potential growth. Strawtown auction was never the same after meeting you there because I always went there from then on wanting to run into you again, without you there it felt more like a ghost town. If social media and internet access was booming back then as it is now, I am certain we'd still be in touch.
I will never forget sitting on those bales of hay in front of that fenced in auction area and making out with you in between those epic conversation topics we'd have, you were a fucking genius! If we were able to keep in touch I am certain we'd be writing a book together, traveling for Urbex as a hobby, and maybe I'd even had achieved what are now my aspirations, but I ruined that when I failed to keep your phone number safe.....
© Lokeal Votaro
I still love you Nicole, but so many of my memories were lost after a train and truck collision I survived and on top of that, I've had so many dreams of you that I can't tell the difference between some of the details from my dreams and actual memories.
The descriptions I am sure of is that you were one hell of a kisser and conversationalist, the best companion I ever spent time with. You smoked cigarettes but still your kisses gave me more than I have ever gotten out of kissing anyone else. We talked about philosophy, music, and even your dreams and aspirations. Your intelligence was on a whole other level compared to other people. I admired you so much it ached and still does. Though sex was on the table, the hint of my asexuality wasn't yet understood by me and though I knew that I saw you as a most ideal reproductive partner.... I knew and respected that you had dreams such would interfere with and the only sexual desires I had were and are reproductive ones.
Did you have two different eye colors or was that from my dream? Maybe you spoke to me once about liking that particular genetic anomaly, I am unsure though.
Were you non-binary, or was that from my dreams? Maybe you felt like a guy trapped in a woman's body or was that from a dream influenced by the words of my wife who said precisely that? I am unsure but am fairly certain there was something of that nature about you.....
Were you polyamorous like I am now, or did I dream that as a means to allow myself to marry someone rather than continue to search for you?
Did you say something about moving to Paris? Paris Indiana or Paris France? Was that just a dream, was it an alteration of what you actually said with some relation to how I remembered it?
Your real name wasn't Nicole, that was just your preferred name that you hoped to one day get it legally changed to. You absolutely hated your real name, unfortunately the result is that I wasn't able to remember your real name partly out of respect for the hatred you had for it.
Your guardians seemed to like me, I liked them too and frankly wish I was able to get adopted by them so I could be close to you and reach a higher potential growth. Strawtown auction was never the same after meeting you there because I always went there from then on wanting to run into you again, without you there it felt more like a ghost town. If social media and internet access was booming back then as it is now, I am certain we'd still be in touch.
I will never forget sitting on those bales of hay in front of that fenced in auction area and making out with you in between those epic conversation topics we'd have, you were a fucking genius! If we were able to keep in touch I am certain we'd be writing a book together, traveling for Urbex as a hobby, and maybe I'd even had achieved what are now my aspirations, but I ruined that when I failed to keep your phone number safe.....
© Lokeal Votaro
