So like any other teenager i ws kinda happy kinda living my life...
There was this guy with whom i was friends with for a long tym n i trusted him, felt safe around him n all
one day we were hanging out and drinking...i had couple of xtra ones i dnt know how me n d guy ended up kissing...things accelerated and we slept together...
It was not so pleasurable experience for me, i guess it ws for him coz after that we had a talk about how regretting dat was and we both felt guilty, bt then he said he enjoyed it a lot n all...so ya i guess it was good experience for him..
Anyways...days past...we both were a little awkward in the start bt then it got settled...
i soon realized that i am late, and started to get worried...
i remembered that after we slept i forgot to take morning after coz of the headache n all..
i took a test after i was 5 days late and it came POSITIVE
i was stunned n was completely numb for God knows how long...i couldn't breathe and had the worst panic attack of my life..
i called him up told him about the situation...he said he'll call me back later on (he never did)
i was scared bat shit scared, worried, shameful, guilty, devastated n yes real angry with myself...
i couldn't share dis with my parents obviously so i looked up best gynec in afar area and went there...
she asked me to come for a sonogram after a week so i went there after a week and she did the sonogram..
n there it was little seed like blob just chilling in the endothelial layer of my uterus...i started crying first with happiness obviously later on with bucket load of sadness n guilt...
Doc asked me whether i wanna get an abortion or not and i said i do, tell me how n all dat stuff...
she explained me everything and i went with vaccum aspiration method of abortion...it's quick, safe and 100% accuracy so i went with dnt wanna leave any cards unturn..
the father of this blob was not at all supportive...he didn't cared till now so i decided i'll just go ahead with the procedure alone...
i thought what could he even it's medical procedure n the blob is in me i have to go thru it...not so difficult right
i was so naive...i didn't knw that abortion is not just physical..
see here is the thing..i've always been motherly type u knw...always wished i'll be mom someday have cute little kids n i'd be the best mom to them
bt look at the irony
part of me wanted to keep this blob, become a mother...but i knew dat i am not ready for that, my parents would kill me, financially not ready for it n everything would disrupt so i decided abortion is the only option...
the surgery was gonna take place at 5 to 6 wks of pregnancy so i had to wait for 1 n a half week to get ready for it...
and those were emotionally the most difficult tym for me...trust me, the self loathing was unbearable
then the day came, there i was lying on the table wearing that green gown, exposing my genitals to the doc, i was still wondering whether i should go thru with it or not..is there anyy anyyy way that i can keep blob to me, i wished that he (the father of this blob) cared a little more, i wish i could go back in tym n prevent any of this happening, i so much wished dat i could be the mother of the blob, i kept convincing myself that this is the right choice..i knewww this is the right choice but juz....juz felt so wrong yet necessary...God i wished i could do something to not let this happen to turn back tym...i...
i felt cold and was literally shivering, ters rolled down even tho i tried hard to control them...
dic sedated me and she was very supportive in the entire process...when i woke up i was still a little loopy i saw the red brown mass that came out of me and now the blob which was in my endothelial layer was in that bag and would die and would never be mine again...
few nurses helped me to go out and rest on the bed, gave me few vitamins and energy drinks and i left the hsp after few hours...
i paid for surgery and medication from the money i saved all these years...
i didn't say a word after all this to the guy i once called my bestie..
things between him and me could've been different...i wished he supported me in this coz i couldn't tell anyone about this and went thru with all this all alone...
it was a lot harder to handle emotionally then physically...i cried soo many times in silence wishing i had someone i could share this with...wishing he would've cared not coz it was his mistake too but just as a friend atleast...i still cry about that n still wish there was someone whom i can share dis with...
i am hoping thru my story i reach out to someone going thru d same problem and let them know that ur not alone...i get u...i'll be wid u..lemmi be there for u!! it's tremendously hard to go thru this alone...trust me
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