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Goodbye Love
#WritcoStoryPrompt123
Start your story about how a single word may bring a fight to an end.
If one of us were to go outside of our comfort zone with one another. Let our guard down. Say something we were not afraid to regret. Take a chance just once for the other. Unless I am still hoping and wishing on a love that does not remain.
It would not surprise me although it would hurt. Hurt like hell. Just as it does every single day of our life, of our love. It is a sadly spoken song, a lonely way to live, and the most painful of ways to spend you days.
A normal day in our life, would begin waking up alone. Opening my eyes to a new day, looking around hoping to find peace. To find protection of a day sure to already be filled with pain that has nothing to do with you. I hope again you are there to protect me from some of it. Shield me from the hurt that constantly fills my days anymore. I am not surprised when my heart sinks as my eye's search and find nothing. You are not there. You never are. I wonder as I lay there a little longer where you may be. I can find you in the living room. The spot you have now made yours since I gave away your office the last time you left. That was where you always went to escape me. It made it easier, I assume to pretend I was not there. You don't care as much anymore. You just let me know now how you are going into another room to escape from me and any words that may come out of my mouth. I get up and find something I need in the kitchen to see where you might be. My heart sinks when I find you and what you may doing out of jealousy that you have found this more important than being next to me during the night. I remember reading you an article from a magazine about couples and how important it was to their relationship that they sleep next to one another. I think of this article often. Is this article to blame for our relationship that always has a loss for words, unless they are unkind? What has this article done to my life?
Then I start to remember the beginning of our relationship. It was never pretty I suppose. Then I find myself wondering why both of us have chosen to continue to spend so much time being with a person who brings us no joy. Why? What are you hanging on for? Do you know? I guess that you stick around out of sympathy for me that I have no family, I have nobody, but you. I don't really have a you though. So it is torture really. It is like teasing me with the idea of having a you. Someone I could talk to. Someone that cared about the way I felt, what I thought, or even how I was doing. It is like it pains you anymore to form any words to say to me. When you do it is like it hurts you to have to do so, and you despise me even more for the effort you had to exert in doing so for no reason, because the answer I gave you was so unsatisfying you would rather break a bone than participate in the conversation. You hardly hold your tounge anymore though, and just tell me of all of your unplesant feelings.
This cuts deep. It hurts more than you could ever know. You may have an idea from the side effects it causes me. The low sense of self, the self destruction, the self hate. If you can't love me, how can I? That is not how it is supposed to work though. I am supposed to love me, so you know how to. Maybe that is where I went wrong. I get so upset and hurt by you, yet I want it. I want more of your attention, and hate when you disown me. Which is becomming so often, it can no longer be ignored.
I am doing as you wish and finally listening to your requests without acknowledging my own wants. I am going to leave very soon, and I will not call, and I will not look back. I will not check in, or try to make you miss me. I am simply going to dissapear to give you what it is you want. Maybe I can make you happy this way. I tell myself this. I really do.
Get your ass up and do something. Don't look so lazy. I put thought in trying to be pretty for you. If not so you will be nice, so you will want me. It never works even when I try. When I do find you in the living room no words are exchanged as I fake making cereal or whatever it is I am doing. You don't even seem to notice me walk into the room, or out.
It hurts more every time. I seem to get more and more invisable to you. This is so painful I feel like I am going to explode. I go back to the room and shut the door. I go back to my depressing spot, and I sit and I think, and think, and think.
The first thing I do to start this already dreded day is getting high. In hopes it makes some of my feelings and emotions less. It does not work. How do I fix this for today? What can I say? How about I go make him something to eat. I do. I offer it to him, he takes it, never eats it. Never says thank you. It does not even make him look up at me. Fuck. That didn't work. What next? I use what I have as leverage, like a bribe. I offer some of my dope to him. He takes it like usual. Never caring that I always share with him. I think he uses me somethimes. It is obvious that he has before. I feel heavy. Alone. I feel like I am such an unbearable bitch everyone hates me. I suck.
He finally comes to talk to me. I am hurt, and I do not know how to act when he finally gives me some of his time. He usually has nothing to say. How could he? He says "What are you doing?" I look at him dumbly. "nothing." Silence. Why couldn't I say "sitting here waiting for you to come talk to me, to show me a sign that you like me today, that I may be of some importance to you." Words not said.
I hate it that this consumes so much of my time. He is the only person if importance in my life. He hates me. This kills me.
I want to scream. "Look at me damnit. I am hurting, I need you. I need you to love me." I never do. Fear consumes me. Fear that he will say to me "No, I do not love you, and wish you to not be here every day when you walk into the kitchen."
This is how he feels. We fight, he yells at me, I cry. I cry so much I get on my own nerves. He never cares. My tears seem to satisfy him. He tells me.
"Get the fuck out." "Get the fuck out of my house now." He says this alot to me. Why has he forgotten this is our house? Why do I let him? He bullies me. Sends me walking, it is cold outside. I don't have a coat. I suspect he gave it away the last time he made me leave. I have a lot of things missing. He tells me it is there, but it is not.
Everything hurts. I want to forget it. Forget him. Know my worth. Find my place in this world because it is not here. I am not wanted here. He reminda me atleast every other day now how much he does not want me near him, or around. Then out of the blue he is nice to me for a day or so. He acts like a completly diffrent person. He is sweet. I start to think this is just because he is horney. He will lay by me. He only want a hand job anymore, not to put himself inside me. That is crossing the line. Too intimate for strangers. To much like I love you. He makes future plans with me and it does not feel real the whole time. I don't put to much stock into what he says, and I shouldn't because the next day he says to me. "Get the fuck out." "Now, bitch."
I was his number one fan. I thought he hung the moon and that no hurt could find me as long as he was by my side. He protected me from all evil, and I was so in love. I was his number one fan.
So many words unsaid has caused this. So fucking many uncomfortable words. Not said. They build up over time. Make you strangers. You do not know one another, and you never know what to say. You keep your distance from one another, and when presence is made it is so uncomfortable. You don't even console me with my loss. You speak of more pain. This is the worst thing I think I have ever experienced in life. I wonder how you can hate me so much. It hurts so badly and I cannot fix it. I don't know what to do. I am going to leave soon. I tell you this, and you think it is a good idea. Help me pack, help me throw away my things, you tell me you are right behind me, but I know this is not true. Why would you catch up to something you do not want? You don't.
I am packing my life, to move far away forever. I am scared. I do not want to go alone. I want to take you and all of your hate with me. I know this is not possible. I have to go alone. That is the purpose of me leaving. To be away from you. To be away from you forever. I am giving you what you want and what I have made from all of the unspken words. "I am sorry." I want to say, but I don't out of fear he will call me a liar. "Goodbye Love." I manage to say. I am walking out the door.
© Nichole H.
Start your story about how a single word may bring a fight to an end.
If one of us were to go outside of our comfort zone with one another. Let our guard down. Say something we were not afraid to regret. Take a chance just once for the other. Unless I am still hoping and wishing on a love that does not remain.
It would not surprise me although it would hurt. Hurt like hell. Just as it does every single day of our life, of our love. It is a sadly spoken song, a lonely way to live, and the most painful of ways to spend you days.
A normal day in our life, would begin waking up alone. Opening my eyes to a new day, looking around hoping to find peace. To find protection of a day sure to already be filled with pain that has nothing to do with you. I hope again you are there to protect me from some of it. Shield me from the hurt that constantly fills my days anymore. I am not surprised when my heart sinks as my eye's search and find nothing. You are not there. You never are. I wonder as I lay there a little longer where you may be. I can find you in the living room. The spot you have now made yours since I gave away your office the last time you left. That was where you always went to escape me. It made it easier, I assume to pretend I was not there. You don't care as much anymore. You just let me know now how you are going into another room to escape from me and any words that may come out of my mouth. I get up and find something I need in the kitchen to see where you might be. My heart sinks when I find you and what you may doing out of jealousy that you have found this more important than being next to me during the night. I remember reading you an article from a magazine about couples and how important it was to their relationship that they sleep next to one another. I think of this article often. Is this article to blame for our relationship that always has a loss for words, unless they are unkind? What has this article done to my life?
Then I start to remember the beginning of our relationship. It was never pretty I suppose. Then I find myself wondering why both of us have chosen to continue to spend so much time being with a person who brings us no joy. Why? What are you hanging on for? Do you know? I guess that you stick around out of sympathy for me that I have no family, I have nobody, but you. I don't really have a you though. So it is torture really. It is like teasing me with the idea of having a you. Someone I could talk to. Someone that cared about the way I felt, what I thought, or even how I was doing. It is like it pains you anymore to form any words to say to me. When you do it is like it hurts you to have to do so, and you despise me even more for the effort you had to exert in doing so for no reason, because the answer I gave you was so unsatisfying you would rather break a bone than participate in the conversation. You hardly hold your tounge anymore though, and just tell me of all of your unplesant feelings.
This cuts deep. It hurts more than you could ever know. You may have an idea from the side effects it causes me. The low sense of self, the self destruction, the self hate. If you can't love me, how can I? That is not how it is supposed to work though. I am supposed to love me, so you know how to. Maybe that is where I went wrong. I get so upset and hurt by you, yet I want it. I want more of your attention, and hate when you disown me. Which is becomming so often, it can no longer be ignored.
I am doing as you wish and finally listening to your requests without acknowledging my own wants. I am going to leave very soon, and I will not call, and I will not look back. I will not check in, or try to make you miss me. I am simply going to dissapear to give you what it is you want. Maybe I can make you happy this way. I tell myself this. I really do.
Get your ass up and do something. Don't look so lazy. I put thought in trying to be pretty for you. If not so you will be nice, so you will want me. It never works even when I try. When I do find you in the living room no words are exchanged as I fake making cereal or whatever it is I am doing. You don't even seem to notice me walk into the room, or out.
It hurts more every time. I seem to get more and more invisable to you. This is so painful I feel like I am going to explode. I go back to the room and shut the door. I go back to my depressing spot, and I sit and I think, and think, and think.
The first thing I do to start this already dreded day is getting high. In hopes it makes some of my feelings and emotions less. It does not work. How do I fix this for today? What can I say? How about I go make him something to eat. I do. I offer it to him, he takes it, never eats it. Never says thank you. It does not even make him look up at me. Fuck. That didn't work. What next? I use what I have as leverage, like a bribe. I offer some of my dope to him. He takes it like usual. Never caring that I always share with him. I think he uses me somethimes. It is obvious that he has before. I feel heavy. Alone. I feel like I am such an unbearable bitch everyone hates me. I suck.
He finally comes to talk to me. I am hurt, and I do not know how to act when he finally gives me some of his time. He usually has nothing to say. How could he? He says "What are you doing?" I look at him dumbly. "nothing." Silence. Why couldn't I say "sitting here waiting for you to come talk to me, to show me a sign that you like me today, that I may be of some importance to you." Words not said.
I hate it that this consumes so much of my time. He is the only person if importance in my life. He hates me. This kills me.
I want to scream. "Look at me damnit. I am hurting, I need you. I need you to love me." I never do. Fear consumes me. Fear that he will say to me "No, I do not love you, and wish you to not be here every day when you walk into the kitchen."
This is how he feels. We fight, he yells at me, I cry. I cry so much I get on my own nerves. He never cares. My tears seem to satisfy him. He tells me.
"Get the fuck out." "Get the fuck out of my house now." He says this alot to me. Why has he forgotten this is our house? Why do I let him? He bullies me. Sends me walking, it is cold outside. I don't have a coat. I suspect he gave it away the last time he made me leave. I have a lot of things missing. He tells me it is there, but it is not.
Everything hurts. I want to forget it. Forget him. Know my worth. Find my place in this world because it is not here. I am not wanted here. He reminda me atleast every other day now how much he does not want me near him, or around. Then out of the blue he is nice to me for a day or so. He acts like a completly diffrent person. He is sweet. I start to think this is just because he is horney. He will lay by me. He only want a hand job anymore, not to put himself inside me. That is crossing the line. Too intimate for strangers. To much like I love you. He makes future plans with me and it does not feel real the whole time. I don't put to much stock into what he says, and I shouldn't because the next day he says to me. "Get the fuck out." "Now, bitch."
I was his number one fan. I thought he hung the moon and that no hurt could find me as long as he was by my side. He protected me from all evil, and I was so in love. I was his number one fan.
So many words unsaid has caused this. So fucking many uncomfortable words. Not said. They build up over time. Make you strangers. You do not know one another, and you never know what to say. You keep your distance from one another, and when presence is made it is so uncomfortable. You don't even console me with my loss. You speak of more pain. This is the worst thing I think I have ever experienced in life. I wonder how you can hate me so much. It hurts so badly and I cannot fix it. I don't know what to do. I am going to leave soon. I tell you this, and you think it is a good idea. Help me pack, help me throw away my things, you tell me you are right behind me, but I know this is not true. Why would you catch up to something you do not want? You don't.
I am packing my life, to move far away forever. I am scared. I do not want to go alone. I want to take you and all of your hate with me. I know this is not possible. I have to go alone. That is the purpose of me leaving. To be away from you. To be away from you forever. I am giving you what you want and what I have made from all of the unspken words. "I am sorry." I want to say, but I don't out of fear he will call me a liar. "Goodbye Love." I manage to say. I am walking out the door.
© Nichole H.
