I’m in the fetal position on the shower floor
My head between my knees and my arms hugging around them
The shower floor is cold,
Hard,
Concrete
The only feeling I have is the tears that are rolling down the side of my face
I can see the dirt around the shower that my body had left
It’s fitting that such a dirty person would live in filth
I’m lying here
Wishing,
Praying,
That death would come for me
A poor,
Pathetic soul like mine deserves to die
I try to imagine a place of blue skies and sunshines but my mind paints of picture of death and dismemberment
I wonder if this is the life that I deserve
Do I deserve to be worthless?
Do I deserve to be nothing to nobody?
Do I deserve happiness?
No matter how many pills I take,
The suicide attempts I make,
The tears I cry,
I suffer in silence instead of dying out loud
Almost as if my suffering is holding me hostage so I won’t scream for help
Nobody would believe me
Nobody would help
They stare
They tell me to smile
They give me backhanded compliments that are more insults than anything and they continue to abuse me in every way possible
I’m lying here wishing someone would care
Soon enough,
I’m submerged underwater
You care,
You actually care

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