This message is coming from the deepest part of me, so handle with care and understanding. Don't jump the gun with any solutions or ideas, just try to be patient and let it be. Any advice, like wisdom just let it come to you naturally, on its own time, please!
I can't think of anyone else to talk to, that I am comfortable with and knows where I'm coming from on a level I need, except you.... Hopefully.
Which I feel certain. ... Well.... Okay.. here it goes. . we'll see...

First off, yes it's me, writing you a letter l.o.l. this ain't no BS weird shit either.
Okay, I have been struggling. Besides the obvious, homeless drama, this depression, and blah blah yeah mostly my fault I get it, but that's not it.
Im getting to an age, that I feel like it's now or never for me. My kids are getting older already and I haven't got a pot to piss in, let alone a visiting place if they were to come see me. I'm scared! I'm out of all that energy that I used to have, waisted! I'm almost hopeless, and I been thinking about suicide alot lately.
"which will never happen!" but the thought atleast gets me out for a minute. Untill I realize it's so selfish of course! and that is the worst thing I could do my kids and people who care for me.
But that's my struggle! So when is it not selfish?
How can I pull a miracle out of my ass? Before it's too late and I'll never be a parent or able to love, or have my own things going on for me?
Now with everything else, should I just pack my shit and hit the road? Leave calmly and tell everyone I'll be back, but I won't? Would that hurt everyone and be wrong? Would they understand? Should I say I'll be back or tell them the truth? I want what's best for everyone and me, I just don't know what to do about anything! Do you?
I feel like a loser. It's been too long with no car, no bike, not even a skateboard, the dog is not an option to just dump off somewhere so I can go into some home ( I have my lagit reasons, set in stone! Not excuses.) But reality is???? I don't know?
That's why I need advise. If something comes your way, I'm open to hear it. If your willing to share. Anyways, I Love you and thanks for telling me you love me, it feels good. I'm not that close to anyone because they always hurt me. I've learned to void it out, usually from the gate, but it seems I've let you "in". So peace by peace and never the less, just take it easy please. I'm sorry about everything. I really am.

PS
I'm absolutely not a bad person and I think that everyone thinks I am. I don't know what the reason for suddenly shunning me like everyone has, except maybe some lies or exaggerated problems just like everyone has!!
It pisses me off the most! How literally people have manipulated some situations and made my flaws much graiter than what they are. They've put me in a spot light without my permission.
Anyways,
good night thank you.
That's it. I guess.

Love me .


© Sarah J Laird