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Dropped off at the abortion clinic
*Trigger warning!!!
Just turned 17 years old, big city, bright lights, high hopes, all by myself, failed contraception, you were older, should of been wiser, shoulda been kind. You were 23, I was barely out of school.
"You're having an abortion" you said, after we left the doctors appointment, what I wanted didn't matter and it was never discussed.
Ten days later, to the abortion clinic you marched me, ensured I arrived, made sure I signed in, left me 'to it'.
I woke from the anesthetic, feeling pregnancy hormones leak away in a rush, weepy, tired, sore, you'd left me to it.
No plans for you to pick me up, you'd returned home to bed, the nurse didnt believe me when Id said id be picked up nearby outside, she said I needed someone to make sure I got home safe, it was policy, she looked sad for me.
I took the underground train back home, stood for an hour, as the tube train was packed and absolutely nodody could see what my body had just endured, nor the tears welling up in my eyes, I felt unsteady, I held on tight to the overhead bar, I felt I could faint, I recall wishing for someone on the train to know & then understand, help by offering a kind and needed seat, but I couldnt say and I was ashamed.
I reached home, you woke from your sleep, onto our mattress on the floor I climbed, to join you, to lay and rest and recover as advised.
But you had other ideas, your hands were tugging at my knickers, you were removing the pad that was soaking up the blood from the baby you ensured I removed- just the very next morning you woke, like the day before had never happened, you climbed on top of me, you inserted yourself inside me, it hurt, part of me just died inside, I weeped, you 'fucked me', you'd beat me, been physical with me before, so I didnt resist, you know what this was.
A word of love to young girls and women:
When they show you who they are please please please believe them.
Seek help, do not put up with abuse, it comes in many forms. Learn to love you, enough, to walk away-even if it burns you inside, actions speak louder than words, mental torment lingers longer than the bruises on your face and body.
XXX
Just turned 17 years old, big city, bright lights, high hopes, all by myself, failed contraception, you were older, should of been wiser, shoulda been kind. You were 23, I was barely out of school.
"You're having an abortion" you said, after we left the doctors appointment, what I wanted didn't matter and it was never discussed.
Ten days later, to the abortion clinic you marched me, ensured I arrived, made sure I signed in, left me 'to it'.
I woke from the anesthetic, feeling pregnancy hormones leak away in a rush, weepy, tired, sore, you'd left me to it.
No plans for you to pick me up, you'd returned home to bed, the nurse didnt believe me when Id said id be picked up nearby outside, she said I needed someone to make sure I got home safe, it was policy, she looked sad for me.
I took the underground train back home, stood for an hour, as the tube train was packed and absolutely nodody could see what my body had just endured, nor the tears welling up in my eyes, I felt unsteady, I held on tight to the overhead bar, I felt I could faint, I recall wishing for someone on the train to know & then understand, help by offering a kind and needed seat, but I couldnt say and I was ashamed.
I reached home, you woke from your sleep, onto our mattress on the floor I climbed, to join you, to lay and rest and recover as advised.
But you had other ideas, your hands were tugging at my knickers, you were removing the pad that was soaking up the blood from the baby you ensured I removed- just the very next morning you woke, like the day before had never happened, you climbed on top of me, you inserted yourself inside me, it hurt, part of me just died inside, I weeped, you 'fucked me', you'd beat me, been physical with me before, so I didnt resist, you know what this was.
A word of love to young girls and women:
When they show you who they are please please please believe them.
Seek help, do not put up with abuse, it comes in many forms. Learn to love you, enough, to walk away-even if it burns you inside, actions speak louder than words, mental torment lingers longer than the bruises on your face and body.
XXX
