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A last letter ✉️ 💌 that'll never reach her!
//A last letter that'll never reach her!//
Dear,
So many words are bubbling up in my mind. So many! Where should I begin?
You said, I've changed terribly, whereas in reality I am still the man I happened to be 10 years ago! Maybe, that's the reason you could hurt my feelings like this. If I've changed, I could have misbehaved with you or answered you back. But no! I'm too tired to argue with you now! I've been arguing with you since last 19 days or so, but no more! You won't budge!
You said you do not repent for what you've said to me. Well, you'll surely repent one day when you'll find that I wasn't guilty of anything. Anything at all! Words can soothe someone, but words can hurt too in such a way that it can cause a lasting pain to the person it's said to. Just remember the words that you said to me! It had burnt my entrails alive but still I didn't say a thing. Do you know why? Because I cared for you. I still care. But you never understood that.
You asked whether my conscience eats me alive. Well, I'm clear to my conscience as I did NOT do any wrong to you and never even thought of it in my wildest nightmares.
I don't know whether you'll ever return, but I'll still be remembering those sweet memories that you gave to me for the last couple of months.
Yeah, I know that you used to be happy with very little things and I always tried to give you those, but you still weren't happy with it. I dunno why!
And I do not blame you for anything because perhaps it's my ill-fate that you've left me high and dry. Maybe Jahar Majumder was right when he wrote for Manna Dey in 1982—“Everyone wants to be happy/But still, only some become happy and some do not/I do not know whether it's true or not/But everyone's fate is not meant for lasting happiness!” (সবাই তো সুখী হতে চায়/তবু কেউ সুখী হয়, কেউ হয় না/জানি না বলে যা লোকে সত্যি কি না/কপালে সবার নাকি সুখ সয় না!”) [my translation]
I did NOT cheat you, you yourself have cheated you and in doing so, you've played with my feelings! You do not know and probably never will, that what I have been enduring these 7 days as I've faced some serious problems regarding my life (which I cannot tell you because that's too personal and confidential). But do know this, that despite my personal grieves and problems, I kept on trying to mend you, to care you as I always used to do. But only you didn't understand that.
I can say this much that I didn't sell my soul to Mephisto and I didn't do a contract with Him with my blood. No! I'm no Faustus! I'm no Tamburlaine or Macbeth either! I know I do not have either a towering personality or a vaulting ambition! I AM Heathcliff, because I'm obsessed with you like Catherine! I AM Ahab because I'm obsessed with you like the mythical white whale called Moby Dick! I AM Kurtz, because I'm obsessed with you like the ivory! But still, my dear, you're proved yourself no less than a vengeful sadist, even more than all of them combined into one!
I lament for you but the way you treated me, wasn't very human-like. You hurled abuses to me in a very cruel manner, insulted me without any real reason, questioned about my character and what-not! I bore everything with patience because I valued our friendship and I still value it. So, I won't sing “Come back Liza, come back girl/Wipe the tears from me eye”, because that would be of no avail. But I can say this much that I've committed no sin to you and am still that much innocent as I happened to be before! Maybe our story had to be ended like this, in a ‘Roman Holiday’-fashion, but I'm still very optimistic about everything.
The earth is round, my dear. We'll meet again. That I still believe! Or if we do not meet again in this lifetime, we'll surely meet in afterlife. There we'll definitely settle our differences and misunderstandings! My only regret is that you didn't even hear my words and didn't trust me, whereas I didn't do anything that can be labelled as a ‘breach of trust’. You said just the day before yesterday that you couldn't live without me, which brought tears in my eyes–tears of joy and happiness! But just after 15 hours, that happiness evaporated as if it never existed! I didn't have a slightest idea of this. But yes, sometimes unthinkable things do happen!
Sometimes I think, why we at all got acquainted! If that did not happen, I would not have to bear so much pain today! I still cannot forget you! Your voice is still ringing through my damn ears! Your picture can still be seen in my mind! What happened, if you did not misunderstand me? Perhaps, we would have talked a lot for some more days, but eventually we would have parted, as time and circumstances demanded that. But you're still there in my heart. Though I didn't have you by my side in my distress, I cannot blame you for anything!
You're still the Byzantium, the holy city, which I wish to explore. You're still that Municipal Gallery, which I want to revisit. You're still that Lake Isle of Innisfree, where I would love to go now! And you're still that Ben Bulben, beneath which my grave will be prepared, besides Yeats’.
Take care. Stay everlastingly blessed!
“Burning burning burning burning
O Lord Thou pluckest me out
O Lord Thou pluckest
burning”
এ জন্মে তো হল না, হয়ত পরজনমে... (It didn't happen in this span of life, maybe, just maybe in afterlife...who knows!)
—Yours unfortunately
Kaustav Mondal.
—KM
21 March 2024
Thursday
9:15—11:51 am.
#kaustavmondal
© গেছো দাদা
Dear,
So many words are bubbling up in my mind. So many! Where should I begin?
You said, I've changed terribly, whereas in reality I am still the man I happened to be 10 years ago! Maybe, that's the reason you could hurt my feelings like this. If I've changed, I could have misbehaved with you or answered you back. But no! I'm too tired to argue with you now! I've been arguing with you since last 19 days or so, but no more! You won't budge!
You said you do not repent for what you've said to me. Well, you'll surely repent one day when you'll find that I wasn't guilty of anything. Anything at all! Words can soothe someone, but words can hurt too in such a way that it can cause a lasting pain to the person it's said to. Just remember the words that you said to me! It had burnt my entrails alive but still I didn't say a thing. Do you know why? Because I cared for you. I still care. But you never understood that.
You asked whether my conscience eats me alive. Well, I'm clear to my conscience as I did NOT do any wrong to you and never even thought of it in my wildest nightmares.
I don't know whether you'll ever return, but I'll still be remembering those sweet memories that you gave to me for the last couple of months.
Yeah, I know that you used to be happy with very little things and I always tried to give you those, but you still weren't happy with it. I dunno why!
And I do not blame you for anything because perhaps it's my ill-fate that you've left me high and dry. Maybe Jahar Majumder was right when he wrote for Manna Dey in 1982—“Everyone wants to be happy/But still, only some become happy and some do not/I do not know whether it's true or not/But everyone's fate is not meant for lasting happiness!” (সবাই তো সুখী হতে চায়/তবু কেউ সুখী হয়, কেউ হয় না/জানি না বলে যা লোকে সত্যি কি না/কপালে সবার নাকি সুখ সয় না!”) [my translation]
I did NOT cheat you, you yourself have cheated you and in doing so, you've played with my feelings! You do not know and probably never will, that what I have been enduring these 7 days as I've faced some serious problems regarding my life (which I cannot tell you because that's too personal and confidential). But do know this, that despite my personal grieves and problems, I kept on trying to mend you, to care you as I always used to do. But only you didn't understand that.
I can say this much that I didn't sell my soul to Mephisto and I didn't do a contract with Him with my blood. No! I'm no Faustus! I'm no Tamburlaine or Macbeth either! I know I do not have either a towering personality or a vaulting ambition! I AM Heathcliff, because I'm obsessed with you like Catherine! I AM Ahab because I'm obsessed with you like the mythical white whale called Moby Dick! I AM Kurtz, because I'm obsessed with you like the ivory! But still, my dear, you're proved yourself no less than a vengeful sadist, even more than all of them combined into one!
I lament for you but the way you treated me, wasn't very human-like. You hurled abuses to me in a very cruel manner, insulted me without any real reason, questioned about my character and what-not! I bore everything with patience because I valued our friendship and I still value it. So, I won't sing “Come back Liza, come back girl/Wipe the tears from me eye”, because that would be of no avail. But I can say this much that I've committed no sin to you and am still that much innocent as I happened to be before! Maybe our story had to be ended like this, in a ‘Roman Holiday’-fashion, but I'm still very optimistic about everything.
The earth is round, my dear. We'll meet again. That I still believe! Or if we do not meet again in this lifetime, we'll surely meet in afterlife. There we'll definitely settle our differences and misunderstandings! My only regret is that you didn't even hear my words and didn't trust me, whereas I didn't do anything that can be labelled as a ‘breach of trust’. You said just the day before yesterday that you couldn't live without me, which brought tears in my eyes–tears of joy and happiness! But just after 15 hours, that happiness evaporated as if it never existed! I didn't have a slightest idea of this. But yes, sometimes unthinkable things do happen!
Sometimes I think, why we at all got acquainted! If that did not happen, I would not have to bear so much pain today! I still cannot forget you! Your voice is still ringing through my damn ears! Your picture can still be seen in my mind! What happened, if you did not misunderstand me? Perhaps, we would have talked a lot for some more days, but eventually we would have parted, as time and circumstances demanded that. But you're still there in my heart. Though I didn't have you by my side in my distress, I cannot blame you for anything!
You're still the Byzantium, the holy city, which I wish to explore. You're still that Municipal Gallery, which I want to revisit. You're still that Lake Isle of Innisfree, where I would love to go now! And you're still that Ben Bulben, beneath which my grave will be prepared, besides Yeats’.
Take care. Stay everlastingly blessed!
“Burning burning burning burning
O Lord Thou pluckest me out
O Lord Thou pluckest
burning”
এ জন্মে তো হল না, হয়ত পরজনমে... (It didn't happen in this span of life, maybe, just maybe in afterlife...who knows!)
—Yours unfortunately
Kaustav Mondal.
—KM
21 March 2024
Thursday
9:15—11:51 am.
#kaustavmondal
© গেছো দাদা
