'Dude? you put make up on? That's gay.' Francis said as he started singing the end of the word playfully while clapping his hands a little at random times

'Aight then be the dumbass that has to deal with his uglyass pimples every day' Said Fillip chillingly with an arrogant undertone, but still playfully

'Well my guy at least these pimples are filled with raw masculine energy' he said and clapped his hands one more time

'You and your pissy pimples thought will not impress any girl any time soon with your raw masculinity' he said as he opened a can of coca cola

'To be honest man, girls these days like more feminene guys I admit. With these k pop shit heads it's becoming cool now' said Francis as he left his phone on the wooded kitchen table, as Fillips wittful chuckles were heard from it all the way to the stove were Francis began to make noodles

'Yeah I can see, actually my mom's recent ex had a little daughter that really liked k pop, she would be in her room most of the time listening to it, god knows what she did there' he said and took a sip of his coke

'Wasn't she like 10? Jee if she starts to make her idealized version of a male this early it's over man, poor guys in her life' Francis said as he's voice started being mumbled by the sound of hot boiling water

'Yeah I'm sure your full of raw striking masculinity pimpled ass face would make girls like her have easier choices for prince charming'

'Oh shut up man I'm not gonna change who I am to please a girl, you shouldn't change for someone else!' Francis said as he waited impatiently for the water to boil up

Fillip took a big sip of coke, as his eyes were up looking at his empty ceiling 'So you're telling me you like having a face full of orangy pimples?'

'Yeah man it gives character it gives into who I am

'A guy full of pimples?'

'No you dumb shit' Francis said laughingly and then pured the water onto a metalic boll of raw noodles

'No you know what? You know how a girl could interpret this? A dirty hobbit who doesn't take responsibility for the way he looks' said Fillip and smiled wickedly chillingly

'You would make, such a good girl Fillip'

'Oh so you call the majority of girls smart?'

'What? you dumb shiiit' said as he grabbed a towel near by to grab his boll of noodles

'Damn, alright snoopdog, at least his talent made up for his intelligence, you dont qualify' said and started drinking from his coke once more

'Hey bro you don't even know snoopdog okay so you sound stupid'

'I mean he's a popular rapper so how intelligent can he be'

'Loving stereotypes when they aren't about your mom' said as he sat down in his char

'Hey what did my mom do to you?'

'What did snoopdog did to you dumbshit'

'I wanted to make a joke okay you didn't have to take that so personally, its different when you throw my mom out of the blue thought'

Francis said with his mouth full 'Yeah well how did you know I didn't care about snoopdog huh? How do you know I didn't like him-'

'Are you seriously comparing my mom to snoopdog? It's different to joke about my fucking mom okay plus I know you for the past 4 years pretty impossible for me to know that you like snoopdog'

'Okay but how could I know that it would bother you so mutch? I would assume that just because she's your mom? Other people don't have a problem and frankly quite a few don't give a shit, no you couldn't have known its not an obvious peace of information and who knows maybe it's a recent thing you can't, KNOW'

Fillips body started to become warm, and as he breathed slowly tingled with rage, his feelings started to overpower him once agian he thought, making him more angry and hateful towards himself
'Alright you know what shut up okay you can just shut up, you have my free pass on it use it happily and goodnight' he said, and he ended the phone call, knowing full well that what he did was stupid, being in this trance state of your body taking control as he watched from his eyes in desperation and fear, knowing that if he doesn't learn to control his feelings any time soon, he's identity would split into two. And the real one, with the real opinions, desires and thoughts, would stay locked up deep in his heart.

It's not like it's pure puberty, is it? he's almost 17 years old, he's mom is something that has been bothering him for a long while, now these feelings decided to come out? No it wasn't her, that she brought these feelings upon him he thought, it's this strong animalistic desire, to concur, to control, to overpower another person, no matter how silly their mistake was in their eyes, the bigger the mistake the more the ego is going to feel justified, so it keeps trying to find a change, and when that chance came he thought, he wouldn't exist anymore. Only his emotions, in a flairing body, that don't reflect him, just glued onto that animalistic desire. Or are they, he thought. Could this animalistic overpowering desire be who he truly is? Without anyone to answer his question, Fillip turns to his imagination, the biggest way to relaxation, desperate for his self esteem to find an outlet, he pictures violence, gore, smashing heads onto walls, spitting on the faces of frightened animals, animals are the weakest forms of complex lives onto earth, he's desire to find power in all this staggering mess, was he really gonna find this power throught a helpess animal he thought? Wasn't he as weak if not weaker for targeting such a life? This only made him sadder, but the anger was stronger, he's that low that his desire to feel powerful extends onto a helpess creature that can hardly fight for himself, it was no railing lion or freakish elephant, he kept thinking, walking fast around his dark room, his heart pounding and his eyes starting to burn, when suddenly, the picture in his mind over a frightened creature stopped, and a breaf darkness along with a loud scream filled the room, finally he couldn't take it anymore, he's palms reaching with madness the floor as realization of existence kept seeming uglier and uglier, his throat felt like it wanted to untach itself and all his intestines would fall to the ground, he kept staring and stating onto the floor trying to focus on a crack or another detail, but he could no more, he's cries started to sound more and more violent, as his hands covering his ears to numb the embarrassment. As the seconds felt like minutes and the minutes felt like hours, suddenly, his phone biped. He looked at his desk, curled up as he was, with his ears still covered by his hands, his cries were lowered, his heart was still beaping fast and his breath shaky with his head feeling like a millions of small rocks were glued on top. He slowly got up, making a big final step towards the desk and grabbing his phone, as his heart rake slowly tried to come back to normal, with the adrenaline rushing throught

'Fillip? Hi darling I'm in the store right now, I just wanted to ask you what you would like here, should I get stake with veggies, or meatballs with tomatoe soss? ' Fillip processing her voice throught the breathy silence of the room, he was more focused on trying to sound normal, after a couple seconds thought he realized his breathy voice could be heard notably from the phone and as he tried to gather himself his mom said
'Oh honey are you okay? Were are you? Were you running? Are you home? What happened?' as the sentence progressed her voice became more and more worried

Fillipin then tried to spoke calmly, 'Mom it's okay we were just with the guys and one of them stole our chips and started running okay, we tried catching him but he left and now it's alright we just need a little break from the caos' but he failed to sound convincing enough

'Honey, please, if anything is going on please tell me. I know we haven't been so close since we moved here these past 4 years, but I've been thinking about it seriously and I think it's a great time for us to start being a little more honest with each other so we could slowly start to repair our relationship. Now tell me, were you crying?'

Fillip panicked, his palms sweaty and his vocal cords like dried chicken, he said 'I as I was making noodles, I hit my foot on the side of the table and it started really hurting and bleeding and the pain was way too strong and I started crying mom it's okay now I've got it all under control'

'WHAT?! Fillip how bad is it? Do you want me to call an ambulance Fillip darling??'
As Fillip could not express his voice, his panic took over him and his mumbling made his mom even more worried 'Don't worry darling it's going to be alright an ambulance is coming to you right away stay calm okay help is comming to you right away' Fillip couldn't even say a word or scream, his brain were a fog, and as he looked at his phone screen turning black, he realized he had lost a part of his chance of him opening up to his mother, he could always tell the truth, but he was so embarrassed at this point the pain was too much, he started getting so angry with himself but more so with the fact that he thought he could open up to someone so close to him about that, if a person so close to him rejected him he thought, it was over, you couldn't make the argument it was his mom he thought, he's feelings were so immature and dark so twisted he thought that a mom had every right to make her son feel bad for them, he started walking faster and faster towards the kitchen, his ckeecks feeling the tears dry up as the air hit his face more and more.

His breath reaching up and his voice finnaly letting out a breaf scream. He looked towards the kitchen table and his mind running while he made some fast steps looking the side of the table and then he started hitting his foot as his screams were now soundings like a little, frightened animals. He couldn't bare himself he hit his foot more and more violently as the blood and the pain were ever so increasing, his brain fog was no more and everything slowed down agian as the excruciatin pain was electrifying up and down his body. Seconds feeling like minutes and minutes feelings like hours after some time he could no longer bare the pain and he stop collapsing onto the floor.


To be continued