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When He Leaves: Part Five
Chapter Eleven: The Unassailable Truth
I slept well the next couple of nights. School was going pretty decent, except for the occasional mean girls. The boys didn’t bother Connie anymore, but I still drove her home everyday. I had become her confidant, and it made me feel trusted. I tried my best to help her through her struggles, and it crushed me to know that she was truly in a lot of pain.
Trey was still acting strange but I decided that I was too tired of pestering him, knowing he wouldn’t tell me the truth. He called me this morning, his speech slurred - hungover. Probably from a party. Sure enough, he told me that he had thrown yet another party at his dorm. We talked and talked, since he hadn’t been able to converse much in the last few days. He acted semi - normal, but not totally himself. And of course when I asked him - even though I told myself I wouldn’t - he denied any change in himself. I itched with curiosity, but I ignored it.
Today, I went to school happier than I usually would. I had just accepted the fact that my parents didn’t want me to the point where they would act like I wasn’t there. I act like it doesn’t bother me, but I’m just too ashamed to admit that it completely destroys me. As I walked into my last hour, the group of girls were once again laughing amongst themselves. I found out who the familiar girl was. Her name is Sam, and she’s the younger sister of one of Trey’s old friends, Lillian.
“Hey, Ally.” Sam said. I looked at her confused. She only ever talks to me to make fun of me.
“Hey?”
“How’s your day?” What the hell is going on?
“Fine, I guess. Yours?” I played along.
“Great, actually. I went to a college party last night.”
“Oh, cool. What college?”
“Sheridan.” She smirked. I knew exactly why.
“Were you at Trey’s party? He told me he threw one.”
“Yeah, my sister and I went. He didn’t invite you?”
“No, but yet again I had homework to do anyway.” Why wouldn’t he invite me if he invited her? I was so puzzled.
“Aw, what a shame. It was a crazy party. Although, I don’t think you would’ve wanted to be there.” She smirked once again.
“Why? He is my boyfriend after all…” Sam pulled out her phone carefully, not wanting to get caught by the teacher.
“I got a picture of what it was like last night. Just wait.” She searched through her gallery, finally finding the prize picture. Sam held it up, exposing a half naked obviously drunk girl - Lillian by the looks of her - making out with some other drunk guy. The guy looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Who’s the guy?” I asked. She turned the phone around, eyes growing wide.
“You, um, weren’t supposed to see that…” Sam became guilty, hiding something.
“Why? Who is that?” Realization set in. I looked her dead in the eyes, anger building.
“I’m sorry…” I got up, grabbing my stuff slowly. I walked up to the teacher’s desk.
“May I go to the office? I’m not feeling very good.” I lied. I was shaking from the anger that was about to release. I felt like I was going to explode, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
“Of course. Feel better.” Before he could even say ‘feel’, I was out the door. So this is what he was hiding. What a douchebag. I flew down the hallway towards the front doors, not even bothering to stop at the office. I didn’t have time for that. I snatched my phone out of my pocket, immediately dialing Trey’s number. He picked up faster than normal, probably wondering why I was calling during school hours.
“Hey, Ally. Why are you calling… aren’t you in school right now?”
“Not anymore.”
“Why? Are you ditching or something?” He sounded genuinely concerned. I wasn’t one for breaking rules at school.
“I told them I was sick.”
“Well, are you? Are you not feeling good?”
“Oh, I feel fine. I lied. Sound familiar?”
“What are you talking about?” I could hear the nerves in his voice.
“You’ve been lying to me, Trey. All that ‘no, I’m not hiding anything’ bullshit.”
“I’m not hiding anything, Ally.”
“Oh, look! There’s another one. It’s just so easy for you to lie, huh?” I raised my voice.
“Ally, why are you acting like this?”
“How was that party last night?”
“It was fine. But why are you asking? We talked about it this morning.”
“Why did you invite Sam and her sister? You have never invited me to any of your parties, so why was Sam - a high schooler just like me - an exception? Especially her sister - why was she invited?” There was a slight pause.
“They’re my friends.”
“Since when do friends make out with one another?”
“What are you talking about, Allison?” Whoa. He never calls me that.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Trey. Cut the bullshit.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Allison. I really didn’t. I was drunk, and it didn’t mean anything.”
“See, there’s another lie. Trey, I know this whole time you’ve been cheating on me. You’ve been acting strange lately, and I first noticed it when I was helping you move out. You couldn’t look me in the eyes during our song. I knew something was up, but I didn’t ask about it. Then again when I came over. Your roommates obviously knew something was up - which explains ‘does she know?’. Then you got nervous and freaked out the next morning when I questioned you about it. You said your ‘surprise got ruined’, but you know how much I hate riding in the car. Later on, you ignore my calls. You said it was because you were cleaning, but I heard you on the phone after I left. You told ‘your dad’ to come over, but you have never addressed your father with that kind of voice and he works third shift. At school the next day, some girls asked me the same question as your roommates did, and it just so happens that the girl who asked me was Sam. When I ask you about it, you get nervous and guilty, which adds to my suspicion. Then comes the dead give away, Trey. Sam told me you invited her and Lillian to your party, then proceeded to show me a very vulgar picture of you and her making out. Do you want to rethink what you’ve been telling me?” He said nothing. I took that as a yes. After a few short moments, he spoke up softly.
“I’m so sorry, Al.” Sorry doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.
“Don’t call me that anymore. We’re done.” I hung up. I threw my phone in the backseat when I got to my car, full of anger. Why, Trey? I sped off in a rage, so confused as to why he would do something like that to me. Trey was my best friend. My confidant. My lover. My biggest supporter.
Now he was a stranger.
Chapter Twelve: The Missing Piece
When I got home, I burst through the door. I threw my keys onto the kitchen counter. My parents weren’t home yet, but they would be soon. I climbed the stairs to my room and slammed the door behind me. I paced the floor, hyperventilating. At that moment, I turned around and threw my fist against the hard concrete wall. I felt nothing, so full of internal pain that I felt nothing no longer. In a fit of rage I did it again, making my knuckles bleed. The blood reminds me that I am human, and that I can only take so much. I searched for my scrapbook, ripping my drawing of the pond out of it.
I made my decision.
I grabbed my pencil from off of my desk and wrote five large words across the paper.
AM I GOOD ENOUGH NOW?
I snatched a thumbtack from my drawer and struck it through my drawing and into my bulletin board. I then left my room, hurrying down the stairs and out of the house. The house that I would never be coming back to. I didn’t grab my keys, deciding to run instead. The early September air pressed my clothes tighter against my skin. The wind whipped through my hair, sending it into knots. I got closer to the hill and pond, hoping I wouldn’t encounter Levi. I’ve made up my mind. Nothing is going to stop me. Not even the only father figure I have.
I reached the spot and didn’t see a single soul around. Good. I stopped for a minute, looking up at the sky. I tried to cry, but I couldn’t - no tears came. I had nothing left to cry for, and emptiness had outstretched its arms to take me in. I became so tangled in the feeling of nothing, that I could no longer escape - no matter how hard I tried. I was numb. I gazed down at the pond now. Before I could think twice, my feet started striding forward. I let them. They led me into the pond, soaking my clothes. I walked until only my head was above the water.
I took my final breath, submerging my head under the water. I breathed in, letting the water fill my lungs, cleansing me. I was so tired of fighting, so tired of being unwanted. I didn’t have to fight the urge to come up for air, as if my body knew that it was time to go. I could feel myself slowly letting go of life, drowning in the pond where I had once skipped stones with my best friend. I closed my eyes then, overcome with the feeling of death. It took over my body, sending it to sink down to the bottom of the pond. I was finally free. The last bit of weight had lifted off of my lifeless shoulders.
I had found the missing piece.
© All Rights Reserved
I slept well the next couple of nights. School was going pretty decent, except for the occasional mean girls. The boys didn’t bother Connie anymore, but I still drove her home everyday. I had become her confidant, and it made me feel trusted. I tried my best to help her through her struggles, and it crushed me to know that she was truly in a lot of pain.
Trey was still acting strange but I decided that I was too tired of pestering him, knowing he wouldn’t tell me the truth. He called me this morning, his speech slurred - hungover. Probably from a party. Sure enough, he told me that he had thrown yet another party at his dorm. We talked and talked, since he hadn’t been able to converse much in the last few days. He acted semi - normal, but not totally himself. And of course when I asked him - even though I told myself I wouldn’t - he denied any change in himself. I itched with curiosity, but I ignored it.
Today, I went to school happier than I usually would. I had just accepted the fact that my parents didn’t want me to the point where they would act like I wasn’t there. I act like it doesn’t bother me, but I’m just too ashamed to admit that it completely destroys me. As I walked into my last hour, the group of girls were once again laughing amongst themselves. I found out who the familiar girl was. Her name is Sam, and she’s the younger sister of one of Trey’s old friends, Lillian.
“Hey, Ally.” Sam said. I looked at her confused. She only ever talks to me to make fun of me.
“Hey?”
“How’s your day?” What the hell is going on?
“Fine, I guess. Yours?” I played along.
“Great, actually. I went to a college party last night.”
“Oh, cool. What college?”
“Sheridan.” She smirked. I knew exactly why.
“Were you at Trey’s party? He told me he threw one.”
“Yeah, my sister and I went. He didn’t invite you?”
“No, but yet again I had homework to do anyway.” Why wouldn’t he invite me if he invited her? I was so puzzled.
“Aw, what a shame. It was a crazy party. Although, I don’t think you would’ve wanted to be there.” She smirked once again.
“Why? He is my boyfriend after all…” Sam pulled out her phone carefully, not wanting to get caught by the teacher.
“I got a picture of what it was like last night. Just wait.” She searched through her gallery, finally finding the prize picture. Sam held it up, exposing a half naked obviously drunk girl - Lillian by the looks of her - making out with some other drunk guy. The guy looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Who’s the guy?” I asked. She turned the phone around, eyes growing wide.
“You, um, weren’t supposed to see that…” Sam became guilty, hiding something.
“Why? Who is that?” Realization set in. I looked her dead in the eyes, anger building.
“I’m sorry…” I got up, grabbing my stuff slowly. I walked up to the teacher’s desk.
“May I go to the office? I’m not feeling very good.” I lied. I was shaking from the anger that was about to release. I felt like I was going to explode, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
“Of course. Feel better.” Before he could even say ‘feel’, I was out the door. So this is what he was hiding. What a douchebag. I flew down the hallway towards the front doors, not even bothering to stop at the office. I didn’t have time for that. I snatched my phone out of my pocket, immediately dialing Trey’s number. He picked up faster than normal, probably wondering why I was calling during school hours.
“Hey, Ally. Why are you calling… aren’t you in school right now?”
“Not anymore.”
“Why? Are you ditching or something?” He sounded genuinely concerned. I wasn’t one for breaking rules at school.
“I told them I was sick.”
“Well, are you? Are you not feeling good?”
“Oh, I feel fine. I lied. Sound familiar?”
“What are you talking about?” I could hear the nerves in his voice.
“You’ve been lying to me, Trey. All that ‘no, I’m not hiding anything’ bullshit.”
“I’m not hiding anything, Ally.”
“Oh, look! There’s another one. It’s just so easy for you to lie, huh?” I raised my voice.
“Ally, why are you acting like this?”
“How was that party last night?”
“It was fine. But why are you asking? We talked about it this morning.”
“Why did you invite Sam and her sister? You have never invited me to any of your parties, so why was Sam - a high schooler just like me - an exception? Especially her sister - why was she invited?” There was a slight pause.
“They’re my friends.”
“Since when do friends make out with one another?”
“What are you talking about, Allison?” Whoa. He never calls me that.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Trey. Cut the bullshit.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Allison. I really didn’t. I was drunk, and it didn’t mean anything.”
“See, there’s another lie. Trey, I know this whole time you’ve been cheating on me. You’ve been acting strange lately, and I first noticed it when I was helping you move out. You couldn’t look me in the eyes during our song. I knew something was up, but I didn’t ask about it. Then again when I came over. Your roommates obviously knew something was up - which explains ‘does she know?’. Then you got nervous and freaked out the next morning when I questioned you about it. You said your ‘surprise got ruined’, but you know how much I hate riding in the car. Later on, you ignore my calls. You said it was because you were cleaning, but I heard you on the phone after I left. You told ‘your dad’ to come over, but you have never addressed your father with that kind of voice and he works third shift. At school the next day, some girls asked me the same question as your roommates did, and it just so happens that the girl who asked me was Sam. When I ask you about it, you get nervous and guilty, which adds to my suspicion. Then comes the dead give away, Trey. Sam told me you invited her and Lillian to your party, then proceeded to show me a very vulgar picture of you and her making out. Do you want to rethink what you’ve been telling me?” He said nothing. I took that as a yes. After a few short moments, he spoke up softly.
“I’m so sorry, Al.” Sorry doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.
“Don’t call me that anymore. We’re done.” I hung up. I threw my phone in the backseat when I got to my car, full of anger. Why, Trey? I sped off in a rage, so confused as to why he would do something like that to me. Trey was my best friend. My confidant. My lover. My biggest supporter.
Now he was a stranger.
Chapter Twelve: The Missing Piece
When I got home, I burst through the door. I threw my keys onto the kitchen counter. My parents weren’t home yet, but they would be soon. I climbed the stairs to my room and slammed the door behind me. I paced the floor, hyperventilating. At that moment, I turned around and threw my fist against the hard concrete wall. I felt nothing, so full of internal pain that I felt nothing no longer. In a fit of rage I did it again, making my knuckles bleed. The blood reminds me that I am human, and that I can only take so much. I searched for my scrapbook, ripping my drawing of the pond out of it.
I made my decision.
I grabbed my pencil from off of my desk and wrote five large words across the paper.
AM I GOOD ENOUGH NOW?
I snatched a thumbtack from my drawer and struck it through my drawing and into my bulletin board. I then left my room, hurrying down the stairs and out of the house. The house that I would never be coming back to. I didn’t grab my keys, deciding to run instead. The early September air pressed my clothes tighter against my skin. The wind whipped through my hair, sending it into knots. I got closer to the hill and pond, hoping I wouldn’t encounter Levi. I’ve made up my mind. Nothing is going to stop me. Not even the only father figure I have.
I reached the spot and didn’t see a single soul around. Good. I stopped for a minute, looking up at the sky. I tried to cry, but I couldn’t - no tears came. I had nothing left to cry for, and emptiness had outstretched its arms to take me in. I became so tangled in the feeling of nothing, that I could no longer escape - no matter how hard I tried. I was numb. I gazed down at the pond now. Before I could think twice, my feet started striding forward. I let them. They led me into the pond, soaking my clothes. I walked until only my head was above the water.
I took my final breath, submerging my head under the water. I breathed in, letting the water fill my lungs, cleansing me. I was so tired of fighting, so tired of being unwanted. I didn’t have to fight the urge to come up for air, as if my body knew that it was time to go. I could feel myself slowly letting go of life, drowning in the pond where I had once skipped stones with my best friend. I closed my eyes then, overcome with the feeling of death. It took over my body, sending it to sink down to the bottom of the pond. I was finally free. The last bit of weight had lifted off of my lifeless shoulders.
I had found the missing piece.
© All Rights Reserved
