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A una persona especial!
Like others , I too had a nanny; one of
the few I can call mine. She had been with me ever since I was befriended with the world. She was my caretaker,my second mom ,my friend, in short, she was the all in all of mine. She was with me in my sickness , in my happiness and even in my despicable times. She had placed me before everything. Even as a baby , I used to sleep with her. I had found my comfort in her. She cooked food for me , fed me , put me to sleep all day. She had never forgotten to smother me with kisses and love.
I grew up in her warmth, I grew up in her love; I grew up in her shade. She would wait for me in the gate after schools. As a kid , I used to have a habit of looking up at the fan and get myself scared. And the first person I looked for consoling me would be her. I loved sleeping behind her. Evey time I slept behind her, she would facetiously say " Don't cling on to me , I am all sweat". But I nevermind. I would still put my arms around her and place my head on her shoulder and sleep like a puppy. I kinda miss those.
But when you reach your adolescence,your innocent soul will be tied up with the evil thoughts in you. And slowly you grow less sympathetic ; become detached from your family and love spending time with your "so called temporary friends", leaving the only people, whom you know ,can reside permanently in your life.
You will pretend to unsee the importance of having them beside you. You prefer wasting time on social medias rather than picking up a conversation with your loved ones. You think of the unimportance of telling them your life events. As a kid you would share even the minute things that happened in your life. Even though your parents or your grandparents knew that there would be nothing to make a big deal out of it. But still they would give you surprising expressions like " oh my god that was so sweet , you are a genius, you are my boy etc, just to make you feel good about yourself.
But that was not my case. I was not at all rude . I have heard when you hit puberty, your endocrine gland start performing functions in your body. And in my case I think my hormones secreting gland for anger might have been produced uncontrollably. That is why, I guess, I would tend to pick up fights with my nanny even on trivial matters and end up not speaking for two or three days. I still don't know why I frequently showed my anger with her. And when she was sick, I didn't take care of her the way I was supposed to. In fact I didn't know that those days were going to be her last days.You would know the void of a person only when that person is gone permanently from your life.
The only regret for all these years in my life is not been able to love her the way she wished for . Not been able to give her the credit she deserved for. I don't think I can ever wipe off this sin in my life.
That is why people say if you truly love someone, please show them or at least let them know their importance in your life. Or else you love someone but you behave coldly towards them , I tell you never ever they will know if you truly love them or if you truly need them in your life . Eventually they will start questioning their existence. So don't let yourself lose anyone on your negligence. Who knows?they might be counting on you. I still feel her emptiness in my life. I wish I could see her only once just to tell her that she means the world to me . I don't know if she can still hear me but I want you to know that you are the first love of my life and I will never ever forget the sacrifices you made for me . And last but the most important thing is I love you and I miss you . You are the best . Please forgive my mistakes. Like you wish , I am still trying to control my anger. I will never ever see anybody like you in my life. Because you were the only person who could make me feel loved and hated at the same time . How did you make me feel hated nanny? I think the answer is being irresponsible to you in times of your need. That always makes me hated about myself. Atlast , where ever you are, stay happy. I love you!
the few I can call mine. She had been with me ever since I was befriended with the world. She was my caretaker,my second mom ,my friend, in short, she was the all in all of mine. She was with me in my sickness , in my happiness and even in my despicable times. She had placed me before everything. Even as a baby , I used to sleep with her. I had found my comfort in her. She cooked food for me , fed me , put me to sleep all day. She had never forgotten to smother me with kisses and love.
I grew up in her warmth, I grew up in her love; I grew up in her shade. She would wait for me in the gate after schools. As a kid , I used to have a habit of looking up at the fan and get myself scared. And the first person I looked for consoling me would be her. I loved sleeping behind her. Evey time I slept behind her, she would facetiously say " Don't cling on to me , I am all sweat". But I nevermind. I would still put my arms around her and place my head on her shoulder and sleep like a puppy. I kinda miss those.
But when you reach your adolescence,your innocent soul will be tied up with the evil thoughts in you. And slowly you grow less sympathetic ; become detached from your family and love spending time with your "so called temporary friends", leaving the only people, whom you know ,can reside permanently in your life.
You will pretend to unsee the importance of having them beside you. You prefer wasting time on social medias rather than picking up a conversation with your loved ones. You think of the unimportance of telling them your life events. As a kid you would share even the minute things that happened in your life. Even though your parents or your grandparents knew that there would be nothing to make a big deal out of it. But still they would give you surprising expressions like " oh my god that was so sweet , you are a genius, you are my boy etc, just to make you feel good about yourself.
But that was not my case. I was not at all rude . I have heard when you hit puberty, your endocrine gland start performing functions in your body. And in my case I think my hormones secreting gland for anger might have been produced uncontrollably. That is why, I guess, I would tend to pick up fights with my nanny even on trivial matters and end up not speaking for two or three days. I still don't know why I frequently showed my anger with her. And when she was sick, I didn't take care of her the way I was supposed to. In fact I didn't know that those days were going to be her last days.You would know the void of a person only when that person is gone permanently from your life.
The only regret for all these years in my life is not been able to love her the way she wished for . Not been able to give her the credit she deserved for. I don't think I can ever wipe off this sin in my life.
That is why people say if you truly love someone, please show them or at least let them know their importance in your life. Or else you love someone but you behave coldly towards them , I tell you never ever they will know if you truly love them or if you truly need them in your life . Eventually they will start questioning their existence. So don't let yourself lose anyone on your negligence. Who knows?they might be counting on you. I still feel her emptiness in my life. I wish I could see her only once just to tell her that she means the world to me . I don't know if she can still hear me but I want you to know that you are the first love of my life and I will never ever forget the sacrifices you made for me . And last but the most important thing is I love you and I miss you . You are the best . Please forgive my mistakes. Like you wish , I am still trying to control my anger. I will never ever see anybody like you in my life. Because you were the only person who could make me feel loved and hated at the same time . How did you make me feel hated nanny? I think the answer is being irresponsible to you in times of your need. That always makes me hated about myself. Atlast , where ever you are, stay happy. I love you!
