I miss all the things that was me, I miss, I miss, I miss it all & I’d die for this, but I wish it was a lesser blow, lesser pain, lesser suffering & now I am finally mourning over those times I didn’t have the chance to mourn

I have let most of them go but some still lingers, it reattaches itself, perhaps because I never truly ululated over it, I didn’t sing a coronach across its dead body, in time of aloneness amongst this loneliness, I fell over & over the cycle of wailing to my death & the death of all that was me

I guess now I truly know how it feels when people say “ I am dead inside”, because when you are dead inside, you are no longer bothered to live on the outside, you are lifeless, just a vessel, abandoned, haunted by its own longing, its own loss, its own memory

So this time, I won’t run anymore, I’ll face my death again, again, again & again till it’s over, till its own cycle is dead, finishes on its own accord, as destined —

& Perhaps as I revisited the old pages of yesterday it has become a clear indication that this is the phase of Mÿ rebirth—
.

© D C de Oliveira || June 4 2018 || Monday 9am
.
#poetizer #poem #poetry #writingcommunity #prose #writerscommunity #writersontumblr #quote #quotes