It's hard to think about my stupidity, why did I stay that long? Why didn't I get help? Why did I let fear take over my sanity?. Did it really have to take a whole year to finally have the strength to say "I can't take it no more". Though I still think of you. The trauma never ends. Certain things I hate to flash back to. It took my all to get rid of feeling your presence around me. My room is still filled with moments whereby you had me in pain. Each time I regret the day I laid my eyes on you, the day I let you inside my world, the day I let you take advantage of my kindness...the list goes on. It's hard for me to move on, and gain what you have taken from me. I hate that you loved me that hard. I abhore that you left me with memories to rewind to. You had me wish you were dead. You had me wish I would die. You had me silenced. You watched me cry from your abuse. You enjoyed seeing me weak, see my have fear, see me crumble before you, beg and plead. Although you were never near me, you studied my emotions, fears, thoughts & movements.

To see how invested you were into me, you had me believe it was love. To see you cry over me was heartfelt. To see you go extra miles to do anything for me was a always a painful cost I had to pay at the end of the day. It was like you would work your way to make me happy & let me come down falling for your happiness to begin in torturing me. I remember the day I was on my knees, pleading for you to set me free. The rage you had & prepared was one I never saw coming. You had me locked. I couldn't escape as you had a list of all my fears & nightmares you could make possible. Each time I tried to leave, you had me think twice. You used my weakness against me. Each day I hated to see your face, hear your voice, which you therefore noticed & would tell me to pretend. You are what I call a psychopath & narcissist. I had to smile my way through each day. You took me away from my family, you took my dignity & dreams. I wanted to much for myself, but you never wanted to see me succeed. You wanted me lower. You kept your foot on my head bowed down to you, which you made possible.

There were days you had me sick to my stomach, days I couldn't get out of bed, days I had low self-esteem, days I couldn't eat, days I couldn't want to leave my room, days I wish I could escape from you, days I wish you were in prison, all this due to amounts of verbal and mental abuse feed by you. You had me so isolated, fear of any man noticing me, you would force me to look unattractive, you had me brusied and tormented, you had me on my toes, walking on eggshells. You had me pretend everything was okey. The forced fake happy pictures, videos & captions. You had me research how to escape such a toxic relationship, search for help online, I was so desperate to be freed. You had me overdose pills, but God never wanted to take me. You had me pray to him to take you instead. I hope no women falls in love with your two faced personality that I fell for. For any women falling inside your trap, I hope she escapes within days of being with you. I ignored the signs, I saw the red flags and chose to be defiant due to my fear of being lonely. I would choose from now on being lonely anytime then to be with you. You made me lose trust in guys. You made it difficult for me to love again. But I won't let you win.