We can only truly see when our eyes are closed. Only in closed eyes, we can unfold the unspoken thoughts and unspoken words. It’s then and only then that we know who we are.
Behind the close eyes you can see the real me and you can only decide if you’ll want to stay or flee.
The outside façade is just a tiny little portion of what I can do and I can be. The side I am showing the public is a mask I had created to protect myself from the selfishness of the society. It is not me, it is certainly not me.
If you can only see the inside of my mind and heart, you will know. It is the part of my life that only those who really matter I can only truly show.
I will let you enter in a mansion I had created and protected inside. I will let you enter in my world; it’ll be quite a ride.
It is my fortress and refuge and it is now for you to see to understand the silence behind my personality.
I keep two doors and you can choose which one you want to enter.
There are two doors that will tell you who I am. There are two doors that I had been keeping as secret and only a few know about it.
The first door is what I call “Dark Mystery” where all mistakes, failures, negativity, and anxiety are being kept there. You will see my darkness, the unwanted side of me.
The second door is what I call “Happy Melody” where all happy thoughts and memories are stored. You will feel the inexplicable happiness I had felt. You will learn what I’ve learned as well.
But, if you wish to enter my world, make sure to know my bad sides first. In knowing such, you will understand why I’ve done what I’ve done.
FIRST DOOR
The first room is the very first room I made in that mansion. I myself don’t want to open that. It is full of struggles and sacrifices I barely talked about. It was like a maze that I had never knew the day would come that I would be successful escaping that room. It changed my life.
Inside the room is not completely darkness as you’ve imagined. It is more like collection of things that haunt me. It is like I had placed my nightmares in containers and I made sure nothing escaped.
If you will look you will see my fears. In the aisle I had labelled “Fears” there is this one thing I am afraid of. I am not afraid of spiders, or snakes, or dogs. You will not see spiders, snakes, or dogs. You will see a child that looks like me. You will see her tied up. You will see her crying and her eyes are full of anger and rage. That is what I am most afraid of. I am afraid of myself.
I am afraid of the evil things I can do. I am capable of doing such. If you will look closely at me, you will see. You will see how calm my eyes now, but it wasn’t calm and friendly as before. In that child’s eye, there is a tremendous amount of anger that is unfathomable. In her eyes is the look of anger always ready to devour. I was afraid of myself and of what I can do. I had seen that look in the mirror many times, every day. It is my prison cell. It is what is keeping me from happiness. Struggling with self has never been easy.
Look, she sometimes cries. It is not only because she was being kept in that room and tied without freedom and with pain, but because she was my shadow. She knew that she will be kept there with only pain and anger.
You will ask the reason why I didn’t bring her. I do not know that I had that shadow. When I was fighting with the darkness, all I know is that I had to escape the room and live as a different person. I will never again enter that room until I am ready to face that darkness. Then, the time had come that I decided to look and I found her there. I found my shadow here. It was painful for me to see her crying and hurting herself. It was she whom I had left behind. I convinced that child to join me outside, but she told me she can’t. She can’t go with me because I am not her anymore. That’s when I learned that she is a dark energy that I created. Instead of joining...