Dear Dad;
I'm filled with an immense rage.
It's the first time I feel something like this and you're the one causing it.

Because tell me why, explain to me please. Why you never enjoyed going to my school events? Why you always wanted to go away early? You never stayed to the final. Not until it was my last year, and I pretended to be angry with you. That only time you stayed to the final. Do you function only with anger?

Tell me why, explain to me please. Why you always hated (and still do) taking me to different places? You always have something mean to say to me when I ask you. But one time I told you I would be by myself and you denied it and treat me right. Do you function only with anger?

Tell me why, explain to me please. Why you never liked to hug me? why you can't say I love you? What made you this way? Don't you see how hurt I am when you reject my hugs in front of everyone? I won't be by you side forever, you know it right?

Tell me why, why you love so much taking him everywhere? why you don't have any trouble sharing moments with him? Why you always answer his questions? You love his company but when we are together you never listen to me, you don't even know the things I like, and when I try to tell you, you never, never listen.

I know you always wanted a son, but I'm still your daughter, not him. Why do I always feel you want him more than me? Why do I never feel like I make you proud? and I swear I've tried everything to make you feel that way. I go to your football games wishing to make you happy, but at the final of the day I'm not a boy. At the final of the day you share more time with him than me. I swear Dad, I try so hard and you don't even notice how much it hurts.

I see you sharing smiles and laughter with him and I go back to the time when I was younger, watching you two play together and feeling so jealous of everything.

And the funny thing is I never hated you, and I never would, I can't. I feel more desire of being your little girl than hating you for not noticing me.

© Mchild