Well i gave up on "coincidences" a couple years back. I've been made to realise i'm just the mover of the puzzle pieces. I don't know what the picture is, but i trust that Allah has created the best one for me. His guidance, whether i'm actively or passively engaging in it, will be the means to the ultimate end. (You've also inspired me to write a new piece. I rarely get inspired by people. Mostly my own perspective and perceptions so 👏🏾).

That level of acceptance, which i've had to learn the hard way 😅, has left me not being surprised when things happen that seem out of the ordinary or coincidental. Now, all that being said. Allahu Akbar. I too, am in the same situation 🙂. I also fell in love with someone. Granted it wasn't my first time, but it was the only person i genuinely considered, and actively tried working toward marriage with. Allah said no. Things with us also ended 3/4months ago. I too have been having the same battle, but i get signs. All the time. The human heart, will human heart and cry over creation, but my creator tells me always "for you, i've created something better" - Over time its become a numbing throb of past behind, not because i'm trying to forget her, but because i want more what Allah wants for me.

Part of me truly believes that if i keep hostage in my heart something He took away, then I won't get what he's holding for me even if i already have it. I can imagine for you, being your first love as well that there is definitely going to be a much more poignant sting (not to make less of it). And only you know how you feel best go about it. You're right. No one can tell or give advice so fitting it sways you one way or another. Even the turner of hearts has given freewill, and if you want Him to turn it, it must first fully to Him. I said at the beginning of our conversation, quote "i believe you were sent at the very moment i got a like from you. It may be to teach me something. Idk what yet, and Idk for how long" Well... it could be two fold. We don't know to what extent Allah has allowed us to be in communication for.

I can already count on both hands all the things i've learned from you so far. Some things were confirmations, some were inspirations. And right when i was literally going to delete the app as well. This also happens to be the most (please forgive me, but for lack of a better word) "successful" conversation i've had on here. My last thought before deciding to leave the app was (paraphrasing) "Allahu Alam, maybe i'm not meant to do it the app way. Whatever, Allah will drop someone from the sky" Then i got a like from you and decided not to message straighg away because I lowkey got scared. For many different reasons.

I'm saying all this, obviously lifting the veil to honesty, but also to say. I never in a million years did i think i'd be in the position i was, with the woman i was with before all this. Long story. I also never thought I wouldn't be without her once we were together. From experience, healing comes from when one tells themself that they actually want to move from this disposition. Thats the push start button that engages the soul, mind, heart, spirit and signifier to God that you're ready for the next thing and it either slowly or immediately starts to fall off you, like a molting bird. Not exactly pheonix imagery, but i think molting is more real life 😅.



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