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I chained my nightmare.
Chapter 1
This is my story, my life, my fears and nightmares. I don't know how to begin my story as I write this to you. But I know I have to give it all I have in my power to write this.
Through out my life I was constantly bullied. This may seem like any ordinary story to tell. But this is way different. When i meantion the word " bullied " i am talking about emotional and physical. To illustrate upon those words... when I say emotional I am talking about the most and worst hurtful words thrown in your face that have a deep meaning to hurt to, and when that word hurts you it has a special road to travel to, that road leads to your heart. It ensures it travelled there to stay and scar you for life. When I talk about physical is when you are beaten on your entire body with force, energy and anger. This causes pain and leaves a mark. A mark that is freshly opened and stings like a bee. Physical was never the worst for me , emotional was.
Being a shy and quiet girl at school was hard for me to deal with making friends or talking freely. I still struggle a bit with isolating myself from people, being scared of crowds, I am still very soft hearted, a fast forgiver, a door mat at times, a punching bag too. Am I scared to fight "YES", do I ever think I'll stand up for myself " MAYBE" Why don't I fight back? is the question... firstly I have never attempted a fight or make use of self defense. Secondly me fighting back will end up leading me to get hurt worse by agreement of fighting with that person. Using words as your defence as well gets you into more trouble. One thing about me is that I don't like confrontations at all...they scare me, they contain my fear of "emotional abuse" , vulger language, hurtful words. They say once you have been physically and emotionally hurt throughout your life...it will always follow you...this is what I fear in my marriage one day. Who would want to stay in an abusive relationship, Nobody would. The whole thing raises a question in my head about my future with abuse. Is it that it will follow me in a way that I will always attract an abusive man ? . Or is it that I will be with a good man and he will simply learn about my past and fears and take advantage of them, using that against me to get his way.
© S.FYNN
This is my story, my life, my fears and nightmares. I don't know how to begin my story as I write this to you. But I know I have to give it all I have in my power to write this.
Through out my life I was constantly bullied. This may seem like any ordinary story to tell. But this is way different. When i meantion the word " bullied " i am talking about emotional and physical. To illustrate upon those words... when I say emotional I am talking about the most and worst hurtful words thrown in your face that have a deep meaning to hurt to, and when that word hurts you it has a special road to travel to, that road leads to your heart. It ensures it travelled there to stay and scar you for life. When I talk about physical is when you are beaten on your entire body with force, energy and anger. This causes pain and leaves a mark. A mark that is freshly opened and stings like a bee. Physical was never the worst for me , emotional was.
Being a shy and quiet girl at school was hard for me to deal with making friends or talking freely. I still struggle a bit with isolating myself from people, being scared of crowds, I am still very soft hearted, a fast forgiver, a door mat at times, a punching bag too. Am I scared to fight "YES", do I ever think I'll stand up for myself " MAYBE" Why don't I fight back? is the question... firstly I have never attempted a fight or make use of self defense. Secondly me fighting back will end up leading me to get hurt worse by agreement of fighting with that person. Using words as your defence as well gets you into more trouble. One thing about me is that I don't like confrontations at all...they scare me, they contain my fear of "emotional abuse" , vulger language, hurtful words. They say once you have been physically and emotionally hurt throughout your life...it will always follow you...this is what I fear in my marriage one day. Who would want to stay in an abusive relationship, Nobody would. The whole thing raises a question in my head about my future with abuse. Is it that it will follow me in a way that I will always attract an abusive man ? . Or is it that I will be with a good man and he will simply learn about my past and fears and take advantage of them, using that against me to get his way.
© S.FYNN
