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An Angel's Respite (Chapter Twenty-One)
‘I don't forgive you.’
That was what Alexander had said.
To Alexander the answer was simple, a plain kind of simple one that burrowed its idea into his skull becoming fact and forever imprinted like a scar directly on his brain—it might as well have been one.
‘What do I do then? What can I do to have your trust again?’
Would yelling and screaming work? Would plunging a knife through his heart make him feel better? Or was this feeling meant to stay for longer? Until he died, or worse?
Alexander didn't know what to say, didn't know what to feel. For years he let his thoughts and anger fester like untreated wounds inflicted upon himself, and now?
He thought he'd rather die of then infection then acknowledge out loud that it was real,
That the pain was there at all.
No one knew about it. Not even the monsters—so why did Hester? Why did it feel right to tell him? What was the reasoning behind the idea, he never needed someone before, it made no sense to start needing someone now. He didn't need Hester, however much he tried his heart told him something different.
“Alexa-nder?”
«»«»«»«»«»
You don't need him.
Wait, don't hurt him!
What if they are waiting for you to let your guard down!
Forgive him! You said worst things to him!
Alexander, can you hear me, mate?
«»«»«»«»«»
Hester said gently, softly holding Alexander's shoulder reassuring him. And for one precious moment Alexander was grounded, finding his surroundings in one second and just like that he began floating away again, up higher and higher, what was the point of Hester having wings when he felt like he was going to space by now even with him feeling the stone beneath his hands and snow on his feet it seemed to make little difference, until Hester said.
"What do they want? I'll give it to them, ok? J-just tell me."
Alexander blinked as if waking up from a long rest, tensing from the original exposure, he couldn't seem to get the monsters under control as easily as before they became louder in the coming months almost like they were getting bored of the forest Alexander realized they probably were. Then putting his hands to his ears as the words Hester said just now registering alone with the yelling and screaming that came alone with everything else.
«»«»«»«»«»
Give us a bell!
Tell another story!
We want him to die!
A legend again!
«»«»«»«»«»
Alexander shook his head almost like that could knock the words loose and make them fall out of his skull, it failed and he slurred out tiredly "Do not give them open ended questions, please." Hester backed away slowly letting his hand drop from his shoulder, Alexander then added. "They would like you to tell a story." He said somewhat annoyed of all the things to ask for, why'd it have to be so childish?
Hester leaned back on the palms of his hands, letting himself think as the wind blew sending a chill from the night air, they always seemed to talk more with the stars as their companion then the sun. Hester closed his eyes trying to think more clearly as the monsters began to slowly become more and more intolerable with every word spoken. Every whisper for Hester to leave or die, another yelling to keep him alive and safe. It was so disorienting, they used to agree on everything—and not just the monsters, Alexander would agree too, it was jarring being able to have an opinion for once, and not being on a losing side.
"Have you ever heard of the third Angel of Death?"
Hester asked after a moment, if his voice wasn't the only thing keeping Alexander grounded to reality he probably wouldn't have noticed the tremble in it as he said the words, something changed in his eyes, calculating trying to gauge his reaction, very carefully, it made Alexander feel slightly like a particularly interesting book and a child quietly trying to pick it apart in his head.
"A bit."
Alexander said. Hester seemed content with the answer Alexander knew of stories from towns he passed in his travels that a third Angel may existed, one with wings and talent that matched the first two, and possibly some Gods even but he never really thought they were real, there were only visions and prophecies of the return and that no one was safe anywhere. But he didn't believe them then and wouldn't now, but if it'll make the time slip away, why not listen?
"Well, the third Angel tried to run away." Hester started somewhat slowly, almost like telling a secret he wanted no one to hear about.
"He tried to run away to go see the world, trying to stop being this mindless monster he was supposedly born as, he didn't like the wars or the bloodshed that came with them. He wasn't like Tallulah or William, he wasn't strong like Tallulah—wasn't as caring as William, he was no one. He tried and failed every single night to leave."
Hester said Alexander couldn't help but feel something close to sympathy for the Angel, the monsters whispered snickering amongst themselves, asking what will happen next, no one knew.
"But every night something kept him, like being tethered to a rope," Hester said simply.
"He did leave eventually, before he was killed in some nameless war with faceless soldiers," Hester scoffed at the end, like a joke Hester understood but was too bad to actually laugh at, Alexander didn't get it.
"He was meant to be Death's protector, her guardian, who was meant to be eternal, someone to stand up and fight till the bitter end, and he ran away."
Hester paused to breathe then continued.
"He ran away, and left his whole life behind. With no plan and just—"
Hester gestured to the open air in front of him trying to explain and just said weakly.
"Flew away."
He turned to Alexander, the man stayed still stuck in the awe of listening to the story, Alexander was always so surprised at how well Hester was telling legends off by heart. Hester looked slightly sheepish, became aware of how long he was dragging it out and continued.
"He uh, he went to live somewhere far away. But then he met someone, someone stronger than him, far stronger than him. Having the ability to strike him down where he stood even when they first met."
Hester pauses for dramatic effect.
"But he didn't, the Angel got away with his new found mortality Death decided to punish him, or bless him?"
"Those are two very different things." Alexander pointed out.
"You'll figure it out," Hester said, waving Alexander's comment aside.
"He received, a, well—a child! One who is stronger than Tallulah and so much more caring then William, he's perfect in all ways a child should be, one who knows nothing but kindness and the feeling of the world being in their hands and them being able to change it as they see fit. With this new found freedom, and restriction, I didn't—the Angel didn't know what to do next."
Hester stumbled over his words, oddly enough this was the first time Alexander had ever seen Hester stutter and for Hester, him as well.
"He, just didn't understand it was difficult being something he wasn't but he managed, he had lost so much, but after—"
Hester paused, lost for a moment to something dark. Like a painful memory being remembered—the experience of something almost like a scar that stares back up.
"After?"
Alexander said softly, once the silence became too long.
"After, he and his child had found the same person again—he was not like him. Smarter, stronger, better in every mortal way. Everything was ok then, a small interlude of time—there was no more wars or bloodshed, swords and bows at ready, no more planning and praying for peace because the Gods handed it to him, gave him his dream on a silver platter."
Alexander couldn't help but smile at the moment, sort of like how Alexander's life was going, peace and quiet a dream he thought forever unreachable finally touched. He turned to Hester and found him looking so broken by the story.
"And he threw it all away."
And then he realized,
This wasn't going to have a happy ending.
"Like a fool and a coward, I threw it all away."
A beat.
"I mean I-I didn't, he—he. The Angel did, he did—"
"I think I remember this story." Alexander said, realization pounding at his skull like his own heart beat. Hester stopped and Alexander met his torturous gaze, one filled fully with guilt and anguish.
"I think in the story, he met a God."
Alexander couldn't help but hear Hester chuckle from the idea that Alexander was a God.
"Not one of those Gods. A mortal god—one who can live and die, like you and me."
The end made Hester pause, a look of wonder and realization, squinting his eyes like if he only saw his silhouette it would make more sense somehow. (It didn't)
There were more stories than just the two Angles, Gods that are divine and mortal, ones who were born on the plain and have the strength to beat any human, but to an actual God they would be doomed to face one. Hester heard stories of gods among men, fighting in the wars and winning. Going place to place making a bloody trail everywhere they went trying to prove something, either to the Gods above them or the mortals below, no one had a real answer.
"You're a God?"
Hester asked, feeling lightheaded by the idea, and the very real possibility of it.
"Only by reputation."
Alexander said nonchalantly, like that somehow made it better.
"What the Hell is wrong with you?!" Hester yelled, half playful half with genuine concern, asking the question loud enough making sure any God could hear it, and would know to stay away.
"Oh, I'm the one with something wrong with? Says the one with giant crow wings on his back. But no, I'm the one who's damned."
Alexander's laughter was contagious, as the two looked up and down at each other like two completely different species, trying to see who would ask the first question, since they were starting to pile up in both of their heads.
Hester was the one to break the ice.
"So if I asked, could you bless me? Like give me good luck, please?"
It was the stupidest thing either had ever heard, laughter seemingly bouncing around the walls of the small cave.
"I sure hope not, but if it could, I'd do what the rest of the real Gods do."
"Ignore it?"
"Exactly."
Alexander said gesturing big like Hester was some sort of genius.
From the outside: they would look like two people sitting at the rim of a cave, with laughter being more sound then them talking,
on the inside.
A God and an Angel, talking to one another, realizing they aren't alone anymore. Someone somewhere was feeling the same things as they were, and they found each other.
This is how the world works.
Hester thought
Everything is as it should be.
The two spent the night swapping stories and tales from either legends they had been in or supposedly had been in, both being appalled by what was in some of them, making both so very glad they had left their past and could openly share it with someone who could understand.
They were so wildly different from one another while so strikingly similar, it was mesmerizing how the past week faded from memory and their relationship built in the span of one night.
Friends,
Such a small word for such a big thing.
If only it said even a fraction of what Hester was feeling, it would make using the word worth it.
The night went by, and as the two walked to the house, leaving the trees behind them alone with the anger and fear of losing one another. Of this being a dead end, a mountain too steep to climb, a fall too great to a destination too small.
'A war entirely too big for something entirely too little' as Death would say.
Hester smiled so wide at a thought that came in, feeling the wrapping around his hand, and seeing Alexander slightly ahead of him, remembering something Death had also said.
‘After everything, I don't think they ever apologized to one another.’
She had told him
‘But then again, maybe they never needed to, to begin with.’
Hester thought of the small remark.
They had never apologized to one another, and Hester wanted to keep it that way.
After all,
That's what a flock is for.
[[]][[]][[]][[]][[]]
Art by (I don't know someone tell me please ;-;)
Sooooo this is the moment where everyone goes 'this is a fanfiction' I would like to say to all those people, yeah probably should be countable as one, but ¯_(ツ)_/¯ anyway, we're getting very close to my favorite chapters I've done, I hope you like the next few! (and yes, I did make a reference to Technoblade shush)
© Unavailable
[[]][[]][[]][[]][[]]
That was what Alexander had said.
To Alexander the answer was simple, a plain kind of simple one that burrowed its idea into his skull becoming fact and forever imprinted like a scar directly on his brain—it might as well have been one.
‘What do I do then? What can I do to have your trust again?’
Would yelling and screaming work? Would plunging a knife through his heart make him feel better? Or was this feeling meant to stay for longer? Until he died, or worse?
Alexander didn't know what to say, didn't know what to feel. For years he let his thoughts and anger fester like untreated wounds inflicted upon himself, and now?
He thought he'd rather die of then infection then acknowledge out loud that it was real,
That the pain was there at all.
No one knew about it. Not even the monsters—so why did Hester? Why did it feel right to tell him? What was the reasoning behind the idea, he never needed someone before, it made no sense to start needing someone now. He didn't need Hester, however much he tried his heart told him something different.
“Alexa-nder?”
«»«»«»«»«»
You don't need him.
Wait, don't hurt him!
What if they are waiting for you to let your guard down!
Forgive him! You said worst things to him!
Alexander, can you hear me, mate?
«»«»«»«»«»
Hester said gently, softly holding Alexander's shoulder reassuring him. And for one precious moment Alexander was grounded, finding his surroundings in one second and just like that he began floating away again, up higher and higher, what was the point of Hester having wings when he felt like he was going to space by now even with him feeling the stone beneath his hands and snow on his feet it seemed to make little difference, until Hester said.
"What do they want? I'll give it to them, ok? J-just tell me."
Alexander blinked as if waking up from a long rest, tensing from the original exposure, he couldn't seem to get the monsters under control as easily as before they became louder in the coming months almost like they were getting bored of the forest Alexander realized they probably were. Then putting his hands to his ears as the words Hester said just now registering alone with the yelling and screaming that came alone with everything else.
«»«»«»«»«»
Give us a bell!
Tell another story!
We want him to die!
A legend again!
«»«»«»«»«»
Alexander shook his head almost like that could knock the words loose and make them fall out of his skull, it failed and he slurred out tiredly "Do not give them open ended questions, please." Hester backed away slowly letting his hand drop from his shoulder, Alexander then added. "They would like you to tell a story." He said somewhat annoyed of all the things to ask for, why'd it have to be so childish?
Hester leaned back on the palms of his hands, letting himself think as the wind blew sending a chill from the night air, they always seemed to talk more with the stars as their companion then the sun. Hester closed his eyes trying to think more clearly as the monsters began to slowly become more and more intolerable with every word spoken. Every whisper for Hester to leave or die, another yelling to keep him alive and safe. It was so disorienting, they used to agree on everything—and not just the monsters, Alexander would agree too, it was jarring being able to have an opinion for once, and not being on a losing side.
"Have you ever heard of the third Angel of Death?"
Hester asked after a moment, if his voice wasn't the only thing keeping Alexander grounded to reality he probably wouldn't have noticed the tremble in it as he said the words, something changed in his eyes, calculating trying to gauge his reaction, very carefully, it made Alexander feel slightly like a particularly interesting book and a child quietly trying to pick it apart in his head.
"A bit."
Alexander said. Hester seemed content with the answer Alexander knew of stories from towns he passed in his travels that a third Angel may existed, one with wings and talent that matched the first two, and possibly some Gods even but he never really thought they were real, there were only visions and prophecies of the return and that no one was safe anywhere. But he didn't believe them then and wouldn't now, but if it'll make the time slip away, why not listen?
"Well, the third Angel tried to run away." Hester started somewhat slowly, almost like telling a secret he wanted no one to hear about.
"He tried to run away to go see the world, trying to stop being this mindless monster he was supposedly born as, he didn't like the wars or the bloodshed that came with them. He wasn't like Tallulah or William, he wasn't strong like Tallulah—wasn't as caring as William, he was no one. He tried and failed every single night to leave."
Hester said Alexander couldn't help but feel something close to sympathy for the Angel, the monsters whispered snickering amongst themselves, asking what will happen next, no one knew.
"But every night something kept him, like being tethered to a rope," Hester said simply.
"He did leave eventually, before he was killed in some nameless war with faceless soldiers," Hester scoffed at the end, like a joke Hester understood but was too bad to actually laugh at, Alexander didn't get it.
"He was meant to be Death's protector, her guardian, who was meant to be eternal, someone to stand up and fight till the bitter end, and he ran away."
Hester paused to breathe then continued.
"He ran away, and left his whole life behind. With no plan and just—"
Hester gestured to the open air in front of him trying to explain and just said weakly.
"Flew away."
He turned to Alexander, the man stayed still stuck in the awe of listening to the story, Alexander was always so surprised at how well Hester was telling legends off by heart. Hester looked slightly sheepish, became aware of how long he was dragging it out and continued.
"He uh, he went to live somewhere far away. But then he met someone, someone stronger than him, far stronger than him. Having the ability to strike him down where he stood even when they first met."
Hester pauses for dramatic effect.
"But he didn't, the Angel got away with his new found mortality Death decided to punish him, or bless him?"
"Those are two very different things." Alexander pointed out.
"You'll figure it out," Hester said, waving Alexander's comment aside.
"He received, a, well—a child! One who is stronger than Tallulah and so much more caring then William, he's perfect in all ways a child should be, one who knows nothing but kindness and the feeling of the world being in their hands and them being able to change it as they see fit. With this new found freedom, and restriction, I didn't—the Angel didn't know what to do next."
Hester stumbled over his words, oddly enough this was the first time Alexander had ever seen Hester stutter and for Hester, him as well.
"He, just didn't understand it was difficult being something he wasn't but he managed, he had lost so much, but after—"
Hester paused, lost for a moment to something dark. Like a painful memory being remembered—the experience of something almost like a scar that stares back up.
"After?"
Alexander said softly, once the silence became too long.
"After, he and his child had found the same person again—he was not like him. Smarter, stronger, better in every mortal way. Everything was ok then, a small interlude of time—there was no more wars or bloodshed, swords and bows at ready, no more planning and praying for peace because the Gods handed it to him, gave him his dream on a silver platter."
Alexander couldn't help but smile at the moment, sort of like how Alexander's life was going, peace and quiet a dream he thought forever unreachable finally touched. He turned to Hester and found him looking so broken by the story.
"And he threw it all away."
And then he realized,
This wasn't going to have a happy ending.
"Like a fool and a coward, I threw it all away."
A beat.
"I mean I-I didn't, he—he. The Angel did, he did—"
"I think I remember this story." Alexander said, realization pounding at his skull like his own heart beat. Hester stopped and Alexander met his torturous gaze, one filled fully with guilt and anguish.
"I think in the story, he met a God."
Alexander couldn't help but hear Hester chuckle from the idea that Alexander was a God.
"Not one of those Gods. A mortal god—one who can live and die, like you and me."
The end made Hester pause, a look of wonder and realization, squinting his eyes like if he only saw his silhouette it would make more sense somehow. (It didn't)
There were more stories than just the two Angles, Gods that are divine and mortal, ones who were born on the plain and have the strength to beat any human, but to an actual God they would be doomed to face one. Hester heard stories of gods among men, fighting in the wars and winning. Going place to place making a bloody trail everywhere they went trying to prove something, either to the Gods above them or the mortals below, no one had a real answer.
"You're a God?"
Hester asked, feeling lightheaded by the idea, and the very real possibility of it.
"Only by reputation."
Alexander said nonchalantly, like that somehow made it better.
"What the Hell is wrong with you?!" Hester yelled, half playful half with genuine concern, asking the question loud enough making sure any God could hear it, and would know to stay away.
"Oh, I'm the one with something wrong with? Says the one with giant crow wings on his back. But no, I'm the one who's damned."
Alexander's laughter was contagious, as the two looked up and down at each other like two completely different species, trying to see who would ask the first question, since they were starting to pile up in both of their heads.
Hester was the one to break the ice.
"So if I asked, could you bless me? Like give me good luck, please?"
It was the stupidest thing either had ever heard, laughter seemingly bouncing around the walls of the small cave.
"I sure hope not, but if it could, I'd do what the rest of the real Gods do."
"Ignore it?"
"Exactly."
Alexander said gesturing big like Hester was some sort of genius.
From the outside: they would look like two people sitting at the rim of a cave, with laughter being more sound then them talking,
on the inside.
A God and an Angel, talking to one another, realizing they aren't alone anymore. Someone somewhere was feeling the same things as they were, and they found each other.
This is how the world works.
Hester thought
Everything is as it should be.
The two spent the night swapping stories and tales from either legends they had been in or supposedly had been in, both being appalled by what was in some of them, making both so very glad they had left their past and could openly share it with someone who could understand.
They were so wildly different from one another while so strikingly similar, it was mesmerizing how the past week faded from memory and their relationship built in the span of one night.
Friends,
Such a small word for such a big thing.
If only it said even a fraction of what Hester was feeling, it would make using the word worth it.
The night went by, and as the two walked to the house, leaving the trees behind them alone with the anger and fear of losing one another. Of this being a dead end, a mountain too steep to climb, a fall too great to a destination too small.
'A war entirely too big for something entirely too little' as Death would say.
Hester smiled so wide at a thought that came in, feeling the wrapping around his hand, and seeing Alexander slightly ahead of him, remembering something Death had also said.
‘After everything, I don't think they ever apologized to one another.’
She had told him
‘But then again, maybe they never needed to, to begin with.’
Hester thought of the small remark.
They had never apologized to one another, and Hester wanted to keep it that way.
After all,
That's what a flock is for.
[[]][[]][[]][[]][[]]
Art by (I don't know someone tell me please ;-;)
Sooooo this is the moment where everyone goes 'this is a fanfiction' I would like to say to all those people, yeah probably should be countable as one, but ¯_(ツ)_/¯ anyway, we're getting very close to my favorite chapters I've done, I hope you like the next few! (and yes, I did make a reference to Technoblade shush)
© Unavailable
[[]][[]][[]][[]][[]]
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