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A Man's Best Friend?
They say a dog is a man's best friend but sometimes I wonder? Well? Let me see, my dog bit the mailman because he said he was eyeballing my wife. He sniffed the round butt of my wife's best girlfriend and she is now suing us for harassment. At a family gathering he made off with 15 expensive grilled Bratwurst sausages and a T-bone steak. Said he was tired of dog food.
It all started innocently enough. Leo, my golden retriever with the charm of a Hollywood star and the fury of a wild squirrel on espresso, was supposed to be the perfect addition to our family. Little did I know, Well, Leo wasn’t just a dog—he was a four-legged tornado of mayhem, a furry Houdini of mischief.
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The Mailman Incident: A Tale of Misguided Loyalty
Let’s rewind to the mailman incident, because honestly, that’s where things started to spiral. Leo had always been suspicious of the mailman, Jeff. Jeff was a nice guy—always smiling, always punctual, and always armed with a bag full of packages that Leo believed were secretly meant for him. But one fateful Tuesday, Jeff made the mistake of complimenting my wife, Sarah, on her new garden gnome collection.
“Nice gnomes,” Jeff said, tipping his hat. “They really… uh… brighten up the place.” While secretly staring at my wife's perk ass!
Leo, who had been lounging on the porch like a furry sultan, immediately perked up. He gave Jeff the kind of look usually reserved for squirrels, and anyone who dares to eat a cheeseburger within a 10-mile radius. Without offering him one. Before I could say, “Leo, no!” he lunged.
Now, let me be clear:
Leo didn’t just bite Jeff. He CHOMPED DOWN HARD! It wasn't a love bite, it was a canine version of 'You crossed the line buddy!' But Jeff didn’t see it that way. He dropped the mail, screamed like a girl, and said something about “hostile work environments and lawsuits. He also vowed to never deliver to our house again.
Sarah tried to smooth things over by offering Jeff a homemade muffin, but Leo stole it mid-air, wagging his tail like he’d just won the Westminster Dog Show. Jeff left in a...
It all started innocently enough. Leo, my golden retriever with the charm of a Hollywood star and the fury of a wild squirrel on espresso, was supposed to be the perfect addition to our family. Little did I know, Well, Leo wasn’t just a dog—he was a four-legged tornado of mayhem, a furry Houdini of mischief.
......
The Mailman Incident: A Tale of Misguided Loyalty
Let’s rewind to the mailman incident, because honestly, that’s where things started to spiral. Leo had always been suspicious of the mailman, Jeff. Jeff was a nice guy—always smiling, always punctual, and always armed with a bag full of packages that Leo believed were secretly meant for him. But one fateful Tuesday, Jeff made the mistake of complimenting my wife, Sarah, on her new garden gnome collection.
“Nice gnomes,” Jeff said, tipping his hat. “They really… uh… brighten up the place.” While secretly staring at my wife's perk ass!
Leo, who had been lounging on the porch like a furry sultan, immediately perked up. He gave Jeff the kind of look usually reserved for squirrels, and anyone who dares to eat a cheeseburger within a 10-mile radius. Without offering him one. Before I could say, “Leo, no!” he lunged.
Now, let me be clear:
Leo didn’t just bite Jeff. He CHOMPED DOWN HARD! It wasn't a love bite, it was a canine version of 'You crossed the line buddy!' But Jeff didn’t see it that way. He dropped the mail, screamed like a girl, and said something about “hostile work environments and lawsuits. He also vowed to never deliver to our house again.
Sarah tried to smooth things over by offering Jeff a homemade muffin, but Leo stole it mid-air, wagging his tail like he’d just won the Westminster Dog Show. Jeff left in a...
