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The same Path, different direction I — (Prose — Rumination)
In search for meanings amongst the buildings of this city, it made me think of
how once upon time ago: I fell in love, with this girl. For so many years, I thought I knew what that falling in love feeling is like, but no, she was the one, the only one that made me know the difference of what to be truly falling in love was like. Despite the cliche, she died. It was just for such a small period of time, but she died. In terms of her death, I grieve endlessly, though only in metaphor yet for me the one I fell in love with had vanished, departed.
I never understood this, my own analogy of her death till I was standing in that cold end of the night, feeling like the universe had punished me, that why out of everyone in this world, it must be cruelly take her away from me?
I couldn’t move on, I couldn’t live, I exhibited the vegetative state of mind, numbness to my heart, that I too died with her. Then finally, finally trying to find her soul in every one else, I realised, how could I do this to myself? To resurrect the good times in someone else just so she can be immortalised? why? What for? how fair would that be for that other person to be thought of as her? So, finally, amongst that hell mouth, just like Orpheus I did, I went down looking for her, my Eurydice but unlike them, she didn’t want to come back with me, nor that I died afterwards.
I guess, I was so fixated with that story when I was in high school almost 23 years ago that now, I know why everything, like the symbols & synchronicities were trying to tell me that, this is not my story. I am not Orpheus, nor was she Eurydice. Maybe one day, I will have my own story. Preferably not a tragic one. That being said though, what was dead I cannot help but mourn. I did, for the life of me thought that, I could never, never have let her go. But turns out I can, I will always love her. But she is gone. This is what has taken me eternity to let go of. Her words, her smile in the things she said, her voice, her face, they never fades. I could never forget. She will always be remembered. But now I know, it is time for me to leave her at peace. That I too need the peace of knowing she is in a better place. That I deserve a new memory with someone who is not her. So, here is my truth. Goodbye, to my dead lover. I will miss you. But I am sure, somewhere, you are alive & well, with someone else to who deserves you fully & wholeheartedly
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© D C de Oliveira || December 1 2018 || Saturday 2.28pm
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#poetizer #prose #poetry #writersontumblr #writerscommunity #writingcommunity #healing #movingon
how once upon time ago: I fell in love, with this girl. For so many years, I thought I knew what that falling in love feeling is like, but no, she was the one, the only one that made me know the difference of what to be truly falling in love was like. Despite the cliche, she died. It was just for such a small period of time, but she died. In terms of her death, I grieve endlessly, though only in metaphor yet for me the one I fell in love with had vanished, departed.
I never understood this, my own analogy of her death till I was standing in that cold end of the night, feeling like the universe had punished me, that why out of everyone in this world, it must be cruelly take her away from me?
I couldn’t move on, I couldn’t live, I exhibited the vegetative state of mind, numbness to my heart, that I too died with her. Then finally, finally trying to find her soul in every one else, I realised, how could I do this to myself? To resurrect the good times in someone else just so she can be immortalised? why? What for? how fair would that be for that other person to be thought of as her? So, finally, amongst that hell mouth, just like Orpheus I did, I went down looking for her, my Eurydice but unlike them, she didn’t want to come back with me, nor that I died afterwards.
I guess, I was so fixated with that story when I was in high school almost 23 years ago that now, I know why everything, like the symbols & synchronicities were trying to tell me that, this is not my story. I am not Orpheus, nor was she Eurydice. Maybe one day, I will have my own story. Preferably not a tragic one. That being said though, what was dead I cannot help but mourn. I did, for the life of me thought that, I could never, never have let her go. But turns out I can, I will always love her. But she is gone. This is what has taken me eternity to let go of. Her words, her smile in the things she said, her voice, her face, they never fades. I could never forget. She will always be remembered. But now I know, it is time for me to leave her at peace. That I too need the peace of knowing she is in a better place. That I deserve a new memory with someone who is not her. So, here is my truth. Goodbye, to my dead lover. I will miss you. But I am sure, somewhere, you are alive & well, with someone else to who deserves you fully & wholeheartedly
-
-
© D C de Oliveira || December 1 2018 || Saturday 2.28pm
.
#poetizer #prose #poetry #writersontumblr #writerscommunity #writingcommunity #healing #movingon
