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The Last Letter
28 Shaftesbury,England,
AB 101 UnitedKingdom,
August 5, 1972
Dear Ammi,
Sorry for doubting your love towards me. Sorry for not being there in your tough times.Sorry because I fled without informing you.
After Abbu died as a freedom struggler, you were left all alone with a 3 year old kid in your arms. However as time went by you single handedly managed everything.Later you found strength in your childhood friend,Raheman uncle and decided to marry him. Though he was a good person and loved me a lot yet I didn't want to accept him, especially as my father.
I was too stupid to understand that your changed attitude towards me was only a reflex action of struggle faced while raising me.I thought that you donot want me anymore as you got someone else to lean on. Even if I ignore the wrong judgement done by a ten years old,I can't still deny the a foolish step I took next which probably no one of my age must have done.
One day when you were at work, I sneaked out and decided to go to my grandparent's house. But Talwandi was way far from the place we were living so I was thought of taking a train there. They were also against the wedding. I thought I would live the rest of my life happily with them .
I ran to the main road and asked a truck driver the way to the station. He and his helper looked at each other and stated station was far away but he could drop me there in exchange of money.
I was too immature at that time to plan a proper elope so I came out without carrying any money. I told them my story and begged for their help.They said they could drop me at Talwandi if my grandpa pays them later.
I agreed quickly because I was sure that grandpa would happily pay him for bringing his granddaughter safe. I climbed up at the back of the loaded truck. He gave me a chocolate and after having it, slowly I felt dizzy and finally fell asleep. When I opened my eyes I found myself in a room with my hands, legs and mouth tied.
The room was completely dark and it had only one outlet, the door through which a man entered once a day to give me food. I was afraid to ask him anything because he looked too scary. Once a week a woman who was lame by one leg use to come and bathe me and dressed me in fresh set of clothes.
After a few weeks,I was taken to a room where more children of my age and some even elder were present. They cuffed our hands and legs using large iron rings and forced us all to smell a liquid , after which we became indulged and our brain stopped working.
When I came to my original sense I found us in a slave market. We were lined up and they openly started bidding us. One by one many were sold. I was bought by a Foreigner , Mr. Caxton. Next day I was taken to the naval port with my hands and eyes tied so that I do not recognise the route.They said I'll go to England.
Untying me ,they handed me over to him and we went into the ship. I decided to beg him for my freedom but I didn't know any English so our communication didn't work.
He took me to his home. His wife handed me over the household chores as soon as we reached. Though they paid me , I wasn't allowed to go out except once in a month with Mrs.Caxton to buy my necessary things.
It was worse than the life I lead before though it still better than my upcoming future.
Their daughter Emilli who appeared to be two years older, liked me very much.She even helped me to learn English. I worked for them six years until Mr.Caxton was arrested for selling illegal medicines. He had already sent his family away but I was unaware of the whole agenda.
As I lost my night's shelter I was on street.I decided to return back to India and plead your forgiveness.
India had achieved independence by then so the security system was tight, I visited a travel agent to buy the vessel tickets with the money I had saved . I had completely forgotten the fact that travelling requires an ID proof.
As I was trafficked to England,I didn't had one.Before the agent hand me over to police I ran out from the shop. I was sitting on the footpath,far away from the shop when the assistant of that agent came following me there.He made a deal to buy me ticket without an ID if I pay him a nominal amount. I agreed.
I went to a dark place under the bridge at 12:00 pm as per instructed by him. He fixed his keen eyes on me and moved closer. I was afraid , I knew I was in great trouble. I even tried to run away but he caught me and r*ped me brutally.
Ammi I can't explain the pain I felt that night. I wanted to just run back into your arms that moment. He left me unconscious with tattered clothes and stole all my money. When I came to consiousness my legs were trembling and every part of my body was ached. I was thirsty, I busted out in tears.
I somehow managed to get up and walked to the church street. I sat on a pavement aimlessly for two days long without any food.I would fall asleep sometimes and the next moment became aware of the environment to protect myself from the evils.I didn't had money, I couldn't even visit the police for help.
I had to rob someone for buying clothes and food.I roamed on the streets for two months to find a job but didn't get one. Sometimes I used to clean the church floor for a little money but it wasn't enough to provide me a shelter. Due to living on the streets for so long and not having proper food, one day my head spun and I fainted.
When I opened my eyes I found myself in the hospital. The nurse said that a woman who has introduced me as her co-worker had brought me there. After hearing about my condition from the doctor I was shocked. I was just sixteen and pregnant.
I busted out in tears; they left me to talk with Ms.Willy who has brought me there. I told her everything that had happened to me.She comforted me; moreover being a woman she knew how I was feeling. She got me a job as a swabbing person in her theatre and later being impressed by my voice she requested the owner and made me the playback singer.
At my leasure time I use to learn music to get more featured. They even made me an Id legally. In guilt,I decided never to show you my face again.
I choose to bring the baby in this world because it was innocent and I was the only one to be blamed for this situation. But due to my negligence leading to my young age and careless attitude, I sliped from the stairs and lost my baby. The doctor informed that I had injured my fallopian tube badly and would never be able to carry a baby ever again.
With broken heart and scattered dreams I continued working in that theatre until the day Ms.Willy, our playwright died in an accident. With her death our plays lost it's life and the theatre it's audience.
We searched wide and long but couldn't find a suitable playwright so in the end the theatre closed and we all had to leave the dormitory.
Once again I was on streets but this time I was determined to protect myself in everyway. Soon I found a rental home. I got appointed as a waitress in a bar where I met Jack Dawson. Jack was an amazingly charming and adorable boss though sometimes he was strict. He was five years older than me but his capability and responsible nature made me fond of him.
One day he found me singing in the storeroom at my leasure time.I was nervous that he may be mad but he praised me instead. Later he appointed me as a musician there.
He would just look at me for long with his calm eyes.Sometimes he smiled at me in between work.We would offten have conversation regarding our families,past lifes and future plans.He seemed to understand me so I explained through what I have gone in past. His pitiful eyes were clear reflections of his feelings.I received descrimation from a lot of people being an Indian but he never looked down upon me.I remember,once a drunk customer passed some bad comments to me,he warned them to control their language. All this made me believe that he too liked me.
Their support made me belief that I have enough skills to create my carrier using music. Jack was very happy when he heard I had decided to do something on my own.
On my farewell, he knelt down and proposed me. The feeling that I had been hiding since four years, mustered up and I accepted his proposal. Many people said I was sly enough to of trap him but only we knew how deep love was. Later on I opened a singing school with only one student, now there are seventy. Few years later we got married, though his father disapproved our marriage due to my religion but his mother was very happy for us.
In initaial years of marriage I felt sorry for Jack who loved having kids around but could never have one for my negligence but finally after some discussions we adopted a child after three years of our marriage. We named her Katy, she's twelve now.
Jack's restaurant was doing good and my singing school was extending little by little. Life was not prosperous yet I was happy though there was always something missing and that was you. Jack tried to convince me many a times to visit you but I didn't knew how to explain you things that took place after my elopement. Finally Jack was able to convince me. He made all the arrangements.
First we flew to Delhi and from there we went to Chandigarh.We stayed at a hotel and next day set out to search you .When I left,I was a kid so I didn't remembered the way to our home correctly. Moreover the area had undergone many changes in recent years so it was hard to recognise.We took help from the police.
After a thorough search of three days, the police took us to your tumbled down house where through the broken window glasses we had glimse of the house interior covered in dust .Walls became dull,doors started rotting, ceiling became black; everything there was resembling a house from one of those haunted movies. Though we couldn't find you there.
On enquiring,the neighbours said you died long ago of intoxication.Though as per I remember, you never drank;so was I the reason you started drinking? We entered the house , while cleaning the things, we found a newspaper consisting of my image with an article about me missing. Tears came out of my eyes in a constant flow to imagine how much pain you have been through because of me. Jack comforted me by hugging.The neighbours said after I went missing, you never got remarried indeed waited for me each and every second.
We somehow found our way to the cremation ground where you have been buried but the imam (priest) obstructed me from visiting your grave as I belong to a different religion now. For the first time I was very angry over my religion.How could they stop a daughter from seeing her mother? Even after much request they did not allow me to go near you. Somehow my story softened his heart and he allowed me to dig the soil and place the letter beside your grave. I wish you could meet Jack and Katy, you would have became fond of them.
I might sound too emotional but I actually instructed Jack to burry me beside you after my death so that I can rest in your arms peacefuly forever. Although I'm not sure whether the priests would allow this. Honestly I don't know how to appologise to you. Once again I apologise for everything I did Ammi. I wish I hadn't taken any stupid steps and hadn't ruined both of our lifes. I know this silly talks would not change anything but I'm sincerely appologitic. In the end I just want you to know that your daughter who had fled once has overcomed all struggles in life and had returned.Now she's standing outside the cremation ground as a forty two years old lady with tears in her eyes.
Your's Loving daughter, Zia Aktar Dawson.
(Any similarity to this story with someone's life or any other published story is mere coincidence. If you find the story interesting then please share , rate and comment. )
© @ipshita's_creation
AB 101 UnitedKingdom,
August 5, 1972
Dear Ammi,
Sorry for doubting your love towards me. Sorry for not being there in your tough times.Sorry because I fled without informing you.
After Abbu died as a freedom struggler, you were left all alone with a 3 year old kid in your arms. However as time went by you single handedly managed everything.Later you found strength in your childhood friend,Raheman uncle and decided to marry him. Though he was a good person and loved me a lot yet I didn't want to accept him, especially as my father.
I was too stupid to understand that your changed attitude towards me was only a reflex action of struggle faced while raising me.I thought that you donot want me anymore as you got someone else to lean on. Even if I ignore the wrong judgement done by a ten years old,I can't still deny the a foolish step I took next which probably no one of my age must have done.
One day when you were at work, I sneaked out and decided to go to my grandparent's house. But Talwandi was way far from the place we were living so I was thought of taking a train there. They were also against the wedding. I thought I would live the rest of my life happily with them .
I ran to the main road and asked a truck driver the way to the station. He and his helper looked at each other and stated station was far away but he could drop me there in exchange of money.
I was too immature at that time to plan a proper elope so I came out without carrying any money. I told them my story and begged for their help.They said they could drop me at Talwandi if my grandpa pays them later.
I agreed quickly because I was sure that grandpa would happily pay him for bringing his granddaughter safe. I climbed up at the back of the loaded truck. He gave me a chocolate and after having it, slowly I felt dizzy and finally fell asleep. When I opened my eyes I found myself in a room with my hands, legs and mouth tied.
The room was completely dark and it had only one outlet, the door through which a man entered once a day to give me food. I was afraid to ask him anything because he looked too scary. Once a week a woman who was lame by one leg use to come and bathe me and dressed me in fresh set of clothes.
After a few weeks,I was taken to a room where more children of my age and some even elder were present. They cuffed our hands and legs using large iron rings and forced us all to smell a liquid , after which we became indulged and our brain stopped working.
When I came to my original sense I found us in a slave market. We were lined up and they openly started bidding us. One by one many were sold. I was bought by a Foreigner , Mr. Caxton. Next day I was taken to the naval port with my hands and eyes tied so that I do not recognise the route.They said I'll go to England.
Untying me ,they handed me over to him and we went into the ship. I decided to beg him for my freedom but I didn't know any English so our communication didn't work.
He took me to his home. His wife handed me over the household chores as soon as we reached. Though they paid me , I wasn't allowed to go out except once in a month with Mrs.Caxton to buy my necessary things.
It was worse than the life I lead before though it still better than my upcoming future.
Their daughter Emilli who appeared to be two years older, liked me very much.She even helped me to learn English. I worked for them six years until Mr.Caxton was arrested for selling illegal medicines. He had already sent his family away but I was unaware of the whole agenda.
As I lost my night's shelter I was on street.I decided to return back to India and plead your forgiveness.
India had achieved independence by then so the security system was tight, I visited a travel agent to buy the vessel tickets with the money I had saved . I had completely forgotten the fact that travelling requires an ID proof.
As I was trafficked to England,I didn't had one.Before the agent hand me over to police I ran out from the shop. I was sitting on the footpath,far away from the shop when the assistant of that agent came following me there.He made a deal to buy me ticket without an ID if I pay him a nominal amount. I agreed.
I went to a dark place under the bridge at 12:00 pm as per instructed by him. He fixed his keen eyes on me and moved closer. I was afraid , I knew I was in great trouble. I even tried to run away but he caught me and r*ped me brutally.
Ammi I can't explain the pain I felt that night. I wanted to just run back into your arms that moment. He left me unconscious with tattered clothes and stole all my money. When I came to consiousness my legs were trembling and every part of my body was ached. I was thirsty, I busted out in tears.
I somehow managed to get up and walked to the church street. I sat on a pavement aimlessly for two days long without any food.I would fall asleep sometimes and the next moment became aware of the environment to protect myself from the evils.I didn't had money, I couldn't even visit the police for help.
I had to rob someone for buying clothes and food.I roamed on the streets for two months to find a job but didn't get one. Sometimes I used to clean the church floor for a little money but it wasn't enough to provide me a shelter. Due to living on the streets for so long and not having proper food, one day my head spun and I fainted.
When I opened my eyes I found myself in the hospital. The nurse said that a woman who has introduced me as her co-worker had brought me there. After hearing about my condition from the doctor I was shocked. I was just sixteen and pregnant.
I busted out in tears; they left me to talk with Ms.Willy who has brought me there. I told her everything that had happened to me.She comforted me; moreover being a woman she knew how I was feeling. She got me a job as a swabbing person in her theatre and later being impressed by my voice she requested the owner and made me the playback singer.
At my leasure time I use to learn music to get more featured. They even made me an Id legally. In guilt,I decided never to show you my face again.
I choose to bring the baby in this world because it was innocent and I was the only one to be blamed for this situation. But due to my negligence leading to my young age and careless attitude, I sliped from the stairs and lost my baby. The doctor informed that I had injured my fallopian tube badly and would never be able to carry a baby ever again.
With broken heart and scattered dreams I continued working in that theatre until the day Ms.Willy, our playwright died in an accident. With her death our plays lost it's life and the theatre it's audience.
We searched wide and long but couldn't find a suitable playwright so in the end the theatre closed and we all had to leave the dormitory.
Once again I was on streets but this time I was determined to protect myself in everyway. Soon I found a rental home. I got appointed as a waitress in a bar where I met Jack Dawson. Jack was an amazingly charming and adorable boss though sometimes he was strict. He was five years older than me but his capability and responsible nature made me fond of him.
One day he found me singing in the storeroom at my leasure time.I was nervous that he may be mad but he praised me instead. Later he appointed me as a musician there.
He would just look at me for long with his calm eyes.Sometimes he smiled at me in between work.We would offten have conversation regarding our families,past lifes and future plans.He seemed to understand me so I explained through what I have gone in past. His pitiful eyes were clear reflections of his feelings.I received descrimation from a lot of people being an Indian but he never looked down upon me.I remember,once a drunk customer passed some bad comments to me,he warned them to control their language. All this made me believe that he too liked me.
Their support made me belief that I have enough skills to create my carrier using music. Jack was very happy when he heard I had decided to do something on my own.
On my farewell, he knelt down and proposed me. The feeling that I had been hiding since four years, mustered up and I accepted his proposal. Many people said I was sly enough to of trap him but only we knew how deep love was. Later on I opened a singing school with only one student, now there are seventy. Few years later we got married, though his father disapproved our marriage due to my religion but his mother was very happy for us.
In initaial years of marriage I felt sorry for Jack who loved having kids around but could never have one for my negligence but finally after some discussions we adopted a child after three years of our marriage. We named her Katy, she's twelve now.
Jack's restaurant was doing good and my singing school was extending little by little. Life was not prosperous yet I was happy though there was always something missing and that was you. Jack tried to convince me many a times to visit you but I didn't knew how to explain you things that took place after my elopement. Finally Jack was able to convince me. He made all the arrangements.
First we flew to Delhi and from there we went to Chandigarh.We stayed at a hotel and next day set out to search you .When I left,I was a kid so I didn't remembered the way to our home correctly. Moreover the area had undergone many changes in recent years so it was hard to recognise.We took help from the police.
After a thorough search of three days, the police took us to your tumbled down house where through the broken window glasses we had glimse of the house interior covered in dust .Walls became dull,doors started rotting, ceiling became black; everything there was resembling a house from one of those haunted movies. Though we couldn't find you there.
On enquiring,the neighbours said you died long ago of intoxication.Though as per I remember, you never drank;so was I the reason you started drinking? We entered the house , while cleaning the things, we found a newspaper consisting of my image with an article about me missing. Tears came out of my eyes in a constant flow to imagine how much pain you have been through because of me. Jack comforted me by hugging.The neighbours said after I went missing, you never got remarried indeed waited for me each and every second.
We somehow found our way to the cremation ground where you have been buried but the imam (priest) obstructed me from visiting your grave as I belong to a different religion now. For the first time I was very angry over my religion.How could they stop a daughter from seeing her mother? Even after much request they did not allow me to go near you. Somehow my story softened his heart and he allowed me to dig the soil and place the letter beside your grave. I wish you could meet Jack and Katy, you would have became fond of them.
I might sound too emotional but I actually instructed Jack to burry me beside you after my death so that I can rest in your arms peacefuly forever. Although I'm not sure whether the priests would allow this. Honestly I don't know how to appologise to you. Once again I apologise for everything I did Ammi. I wish I hadn't taken any stupid steps and hadn't ruined both of our lifes. I know this silly talks would not change anything but I'm sincerely appologitic. In the end I just want you to know that your daughter who had fled once has overcomed all struggles in life and had returned.Now she's standing outside the cremation ground as a forty two years old lady with tears in her eyes.
Your's Loving daughter, Zia Aktar Dawson.
(Any similarity to this story with someone's life or any other published story is mere coincidence. If you find the story interesting then please share , rate and comment. )
© @ipshita's_creation
