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Broken Spring yet yield came ripe🙏
It’s late spring 2024, and I’m sitting across from myself, the version of me who was shattered. A conversation I’ve been avoiding for too long. The weight of the past presses against my chest like a stone, but the words can’t be kept inside anymore. We sit in silence for a moment, both of us knowing exactly what needs to be said.
"Miss Z," I finally begin, "she never really left, did she?"
The other me looks away, a tightness in the jaw, the same tightness I’ve felt for years. "No. She didn’t. Her absence was always louder than her presence. Even when she was gone, the weight of her baggage was still there. Her arrogance... selfishness." My voice catches, remembering how her lingering shadow poisoned everything between me and Miss L. "And Miss L... she couldn’t stand it. Sixteen years of love, friendship—drowned out by ego, pride, and... the inability to forgive."
I shake my head. "We never really mourned Miss L, did we? We never gave ourselves the chance to grieve. We just kept pretending that we were fine, that the pain was beneath us. But it wasn’t. It never was."
"And because of that, we couldn’t heal," the other me says softly. "Miss Z still won, in a way, because she kept us locked in that pain."
The truth of that settles between us, a bitter pill to swallow. But we both know it’s time to let it go, to let that part of the story burn and ash into the past.
"Despite it all," I say, forcing a smile, "we made it through to the birthday."
The other me chuckles, shaking his head. "Yeah, but that day didn’t exactly go as planned, did it?"
I laugh. "Not at all. Instead of celebration, we’re serving a warrant at Wonder’s burger joint, running around like chaos." It was wild, disorganized, nothing like what I imagined. But despite the interruptions, something incredible happened.
"Even with all that," I say, "the love that poured in that day was undeniable. Wonder’s place, strangers who turned into family. The connection—"
"It was real," the other me finishes. "Gifts from people who didn’t owe us anything, but gave from their hearts. And the crew back home? The cake with Kanye West’s face?" He smiles, shaking his head. "It was more than just a joke. It was about freeing that creative energy, the genius within."
"Exactly," I say, leaning back. "We were broken, tired, weighed down by all the things we hadn’t said, all the things we hadn’t allowed ourselves to feel. But despite that... we still made it through. We couldn’t say 'thank you' then, but today we can."
I take a deep breath. "Thank you, Mum, for giving me life, for being the constant in a world that was spinning too fast. To my father, my sister, my little man—thank you for the love, for the messages and the gifts. To all the women and brothers who stood by me, even when I wasn’t easy to stand by, thank you. To Wonder, and my crew, and the Mall of Africa staff—thank you for the happy birthday songs, and gifts , for making the impossible feel possible again."
"And Miss P ," the other me says, the grin stretching across his face, "and Wonder again, almost giving us a heart attack with that overwhelming love."
I smile back, the memories of that moment washing over me. "Yeah, Miss MN man... She wasn’t about to let us stay down. Told us we deserved better, to bless ourselves. And now? Now we’re part of the BMW F20 community. A new chapter, a new beginning."
We sit in silence for a moment, both of us knowing that the pain we carried for so long is finally starting to ease. The wounds are still there, but they don’t control us anymore. Miss L and Miss Z—both of them, in their own ways, taught me something. Even if that lesson came at a cost.
"Nothing from Miss L or Miss Z," on 29 Edition I say quietly, "but it’s all good. Let that story burn."
"And from the ashes," the other me says, "we rise.
A beautiful end to this spring."
I nod, feeling a sense of peace for the first time in a long time. We’ve made it through. Not unscathed, but stronger, with love, with gratitude, with a future that feels full of possibility.
© Thabiso Dube
"Miss Z," I finally begin, "she never really left, did she?"
The other me looks away, a tightness in the jaw, the same tightness I’ve felt for years. "No. She didn’t. Her absence was always louder than her presence. Even when she was gone, the weight of her baggage was still there. Her arrogance... selfishness." My voice catches, remembering how her lingering shadow poisoned everything between me and Miss L. "And Miss L... she couldn’t stand it. Sixteen years of love, friendship—drowned out by ego, pride, and... the inability to forgive."
I shake my head. "We never really mourned Miss L, did we? We never gave ourselves the chance to grieve. We just kept pretending that we were fine, that the pain was beneath us. But it wasn’t. It never was."
"And because of that, we couldn’t heal," the other me says softly. "Miss Z still won, in a way, because she kept us locked in that pain."
The truth of that settles between us, a bitter pill to swallow. But we both know it’s time to let it go, to let that part of the story burn and ash into the past.
"Despite it all," I say, forcing a smile, "we made it through to the birthday."
The other me chuckles, shaking his head. "Yeah, but that day didn’t exactly go as planned, did it?"
I laugh. "Not at all. Instead of celebration, we’re serving a warrant at Wonder’s burger joint, running around like chaos." It was wild, disorganized, nothing like what I imagined. But despite the interruptions, something incredible happened.
"Even with all that," I say, "the love that poured in that day was undeniable. Wonder’s place, strangers who turned into family. The connection—"
"It was real," the other me finishes. "Gifts from people who didn’t owe us anything, but gave from their hearts. And the crew back home? The cake with Kanye West’s face?" He smiles, shaking his head. "It was more than just a joke. It was about freeing that creative energy, the genius within."
"Exactly," I say, leaning back. "We were broken, tired, weighed down by all the things we hadn’t said, all the things we hadn’t allowed ourselves to feel. But despite that... we still made it through. We couldn’t say 'thank you' then, but today we can."
I take a deep breath. "Thank you, Mum, for giving me life, for being the constant in a world that was spinning too fast. To my father, my sister, my little man—thank you for the love, for the messages and the gifts. To all the women and brothers who stood by me, even when I wasn’t easy to stand by, thank you. To Wonder, and my crew, and the Mall of Africa staff—thank you for the happy birthday songs, and gifts , for making the impossible feel possible again."
"And Miss P ," the other me says, the grin stretching across his face, "and Wonder again, almost giving us a heart attack with that overwhelming love."
I smile back, the memories of that moment washing over me. "Yeah, Miss MN man... She wasn’t about to let us stay down. Told us we deserved better, to bless ourselves. And now? Now we’re part of the BMW F20 community. A new chapter, a new beginning."
We sit in silence for a moment, both of us knowing that the pain we carried for so long is finally starting to ease. The wounds are still there, but they don’t control us anymore. Miss L and Miss Z—both of them, in their own ways, taught me something. Even if that lesson came at a cost.
"Nothing from Miss L or Miss Z," on 29 Edition I say quietly, "but it’s all good. Let that story burn."
"And from the ashes," the other me says, "we rise.
A beautiful end to this spring."
I nod, feeling a sense of peace for the first time in a long time. We’ve made it through. Not unscathed, but stronger, with love, with gratitude, with a future that feels full of possibility.
© Thabiso Dube
