10 views
LITERALLY MY LIFE
LACK OF A FATHER'S LOVE
I always hear people say "a father's love is the most amazing thing a girl could ever have," well I didn't have that. I didn't see the face my dad until I was seven years old, his love didn't exist in my world and still isn't. I'll just say we are just friends at this point, just a little hi or bye and that's all .
Not having my father in my life affected me in a way but it also built me, because now I know the qualities I need to look for in a man before going into a relationship.
I wouldn't call myself a jealous person but I guess I have to now, I was jealous of seeing my friends dad hugging and kissing them and it always made me cry. Thinking back to middle school days, whenever I was told to write a letter to my dad I would always use my mom's name, you see my mom's name is Andrea so I just wrote dear Andre. Andre is my dad, my mom is my dad and I am proud to say that I was raised by her, I had my mom so I didn't need a man in my life, well not at this point.
THE BEGINNING
When I was in the seventh grade I had guys over me like crazy, I turned down most of them because all they wanted was a relationship and I didn't want that. I had a crush on a guy who was in the ninth grade, this means that he was three years older than me. If only I knew that he had feelings for me too, oh boy, I couldn't focus most of the time in class because when ever he walked passed my classroom my head would fly through the window, its like I couldn't get this boy out of my head I was going crazy. This boy was the cousin of my friend Kyla, so all I had to do was ask her to to introduce us to each other. Well it happened, I talked to my crush for first time, he told me that his name was Rico and he asked for my number, I was over the moon everything was going perfectly.
After days and weeks of getting to know each other Rico started to wait for me after school, we held hands, hugged and chat, regular things that teenagers do. We took the bus home together and he would put his hand around my shoulder or around my waist, but this made me uncomfortable so I would remove his hand plus it was inappropriate.
Rico gave off that bad boy vibe which would often cause me and my friends to get into arguments. Now my mom didn't know a thing about Rico, but my friends did and tried their best just to prevent my mom from getting any knowledge about him.
But one day after I came from school i heard my mom calling me, I thought she was calling me to do something in the kitchen but instead she showed me her phone. Her phone was sitting on the counter with two messages on it and they were from Rico, my head felt like it was on fire because I didn't know what to do. You might be wondering how did Rico got his hands on my mother's number, well I gave it to him, remember how I said we exchanged numbers I didn't give him my number because I didn't have a phone for my self but after getting a phone for myself I am a hundred percent sure that I gave him my number and told him never to call or text me on my mom's number but look he did it again. Anyways back to the story, I saw my mom turning towards the living room so I snatched the phone and deleted the messages. My mom came back for the phone but she realized that the messages could not be found so she asked me what happened and my response was and I quote," I deleted it," then out of the blues she said that she was going to call the number from which the messages came. "Why would you delete them?" she asked, I had to come up with a lie, I had to come up with something quick even if it didn't make sense, so I answered,"because I don't know who it is and I don't even know the number," now I was wondering if she believed me because that lie was so dumb. By the look on her face I could tell she knew I was guilty, I always use my brain to help me out of trouble even if it means I have to lie, which I don't like doing.
My mom was out of my hair. I ran to the bathroom and I called Rico"hey what's up?" That's he could say after almost getting me in trouble, "Look if you want this friendship to last never,I mean never call or text that number again or I am done," I said. He seemed shocked but I had to give to him plain and straight, I have a black mom and black moms don't play when it comes on to their kids.
He claimed him he understood but he did it again but it never ended even though I threatened him before.
At school I had to find away get him in a place where I could yell at him if he kept calling or texting my mom's number, finally, he got it no more calls or text after that, it seems like his brain and his ears weren't working when I was talking to him over the phone.
Everything felt normal until it came on to Fair day, I was the happiest girl in the whole school this was first time I have ever been to a fair. My happiness could not be contained, I was all over the place. Karla and Tori, my two closest friends and I walked the grounds of the school like we ruled it, we went to rides, we bought food we were having the time of our lives. I started to get comfortable that's until I got a message from a girl that Rico wanted to see me, did he have to ruin my time of having fun with my friends, I have to admit, I wanted to land a punch right in his face.
My friends said they were coming along with me to see Rico, but Rico wanted me to come alone.They followed me to a distance and waited for me, I saw him, he was smiling widely, the more he smile the more curious I got about what's coming my way. What did he want? I wondered, after greeting him, he took my hand and place a ring on my finger, I became speechless I didn't know what to say but then he hugged me and said, " you can go." You can go, like what on earth was going on? I went back to friends and told them what had happened, we shared a good laugh, it was definitely a cringy moment. I took the ring off my finger and placed it in my pocket my mind was telling me to throw it a way but what was I going to say if he asked me about his ring.
I arrived back at home in the afternoon, I did some homework and chores but I couldn't sleep my brain was focused on that ring, I couldn't take it anymore.
I locked the ring away along with some other accessories that I bought, if I could do anything not to see Rico's face I would.
Days after that everything was getting weird, Rico came to visit me at my class everyday at lunch and after school, I wanted to tell that I didn't want him around anymore but it was a very hard thing to do plus I didn't want to leave him shattered. But one fine day my friend Tori gave me bottle of homemade apple juice and told that it was from Rico, and he said that she had to ensure that I drank it, there was no way I was going to drink it, who knows what he put inside of the drink. I placed the juice in my bag and waited until it was time time for lunch so I could empty the juice in the sink and throw the bottle away but it seemed as if I was being watched.
School finally came to an end , the craziness was cover or so u thought. I was waiting on the bus when I was Rico coming my way, I wanted to hide so bad, but where would I go? I decided to face him and see what his problem was. "Hey, did you receive my gift?" he asked"Yes I did, thank you so much," I replied, but then he asked me why I threw it away. I knew that I was being watched but I never expected it to be him, "I am not allowed to eat from people," I answered, he smiled and changed the topic of conversation.
Rico and I took the same bus home, we sat beside each other and he held my hand, but after a couple minutes I felt a hand going a round my waist and another on face, "what's happening ?" I thought to myself, I was getting scared, he was about to kiss me, he came closer and closer, I was about to slap him in the face for trying to do that but I just moved my head away, I then asked the other person who was sitting beside me if I could switch places and they agreed, I was so uncomfortable that I felt like throwing up.
The next day I ignored him, I wrote a note and asked Tori to deliver it to him, and that she did. I tried to stay out of Rico way for the whole day but everywhere I went he was there. The bell rang for us to go home, I was relieved, I was stress free for the time being. My friends and I were waiting on the school bus when I saw two boys heading in our direction, they were my friends from the upper grade and also Rico's friends. They greeted me and asked me to take back Rico, "why would I do that? We were never together, I were only close and close as friends," I said, "he said you broke his heart and you guys were in a relationship and now he is crying," said one of the boys. This was getting serious, knowing that I made a person sad almost had me in tears but I still couldn't rap my head around the fact that he said I was in a relationship, we never talked about being in a relationship, he never claimed me as his girlfriend and I never claimed him as my boyfriend, this was all too weird for me to deal with. After a few minutes with talking to the boys they left, to go where? you may ask, well to find the crying Rico, this was getting more uncomfortable by the second. I looked Rico straight in the eye and he did the same, with his tears that could almost fill an ocean he took my hand and started begging and pleading for me take him back but all of a sudden I started sobbing, what for? I don't know maybe because all of this was driving me insane. "We were never together!" I yelled, it seemed like I was talking to a statue because there seemed to be no movement in his body.
I was about to walk away then suddenly I felt a hand around my throat gripping tighter and tighter, I heard my friends screaming and the place was starting to get dark when I heard Rico shouting, "you think that I am not good enough for you after everything that I have done for you. I hate you!" He threw me along the floor and walked away angrily. My friends helped me up from the floor and checked to see if I was feeling any pain, thankfully I wasn't in any pain but I was still shock yet I was happy that this crazy experience was over.
Some how after all this had happened Rico tried talking to me but I had a great power of ignoring people and staying out of their way and that I did.
© Mikhaylia Tennant
I always hear people say "a father's love is the most amazing thing a girl could ever have," well I didn't have that. I didn't see the face my dad until I was seven years old, his love didn't exist in my world and still isn't. I'll just say we are just friends at this point, just a little hi or bye and that's all .
Not having my father in my life affected me in a way but it also built me, because now I know the qualities I need to look for in a man before going into a relationship.
I wouldn't call myself a jealous person but I guess I have to now, I was jealous of seeing my friends dad hugging and kissing them and it always made me cry. Thinking back to middle school days, whenever I was told to write a letter to my dad I would always use my mom's name, you see my mom's name is Andrea so I just wrote dear Andre. Andre is my dad, my mom is my dad and I am proud to say that I was raised by her, I had my mom so I didn't need a man in my life, well not at this point.
THE BEGINNING
When I was in the seventh grade I had guys over me like crazy, I turned down most of them because all they wanted was a relationship and I didn't want that. I had a crush on a guy who was in the ninth grade, this means that he was three years older than me. If only I knew that he had feelings for me too, oh boy, I couldn't focus most of the time in class because when ever he walked passed my classroom my head would fly through the window, its like I couldn't get this boy out of my head I was going crazy. This boy was the cousin of my friend Kyla, so all I had to do was ask her to to introduce us to each other. Well it happened, I talked to my crush for first time, he told me that his name was Rico and he asked for my number, I was over the moon everything was going perfectly.
After days and weeks of getting to know each other Rico started to wait for me after school, we held hands, hugged and chat, regular things that teenagers do. We took the bus home together and he would put his hand around my shoulder or around my waist, but this made me uncomfortable so I would remove his hand plus it was inappropriate.
Rico gave off that bad boy vibe which would often cause me and my friends to get into arguments. Now my mom didn't know a thing about Rico, but my friends did and tried their best just to prevent my mom from getting any knowledge about him.
But one day after I came from school i heard my mom calling me, I thought she was calling me to do something in the kitchen but instead she showed me her phone. Her phone was sitting on the counter with two messages on it and they were from Rico, my head felt like it was on fire because I didn't know what to do. You might be wondering how did Rico got his hands on my mother's number, well I gave it to him, remember how I said we exchanged numbers I didn't give him my number because I didn't have a phone for my self but after getting a phone for myself I am a hundred percent sure that I gave him my number and told him never to call or text me on my mom's number but look he did it again. Anyways back to the story, I saw my mom turning towards the living room so I snatched the phone and deleted the messages. My mom came back for the phone but she realized that the messages could not be found so she asked me what happened and my response was and I quote," I deleted it," then out of the blues she said that she was going to call the number from which the messages came. "Why would you delete them?" she asked, I had to come up with a lie, I had to come up with something quick even if it didn't make sense, so I answered,"because I don't know who it is and I don't even know the number," now I was wondering if she believed me because that lie was so dumb. By the look on her face I could tell she knew I was guilty, I always use my brain to help me out of trouble even if it means I have to lie, which I don't like doing.
My mom was out of my hair. I ran to the bathroom and I called Rico"hey what's up?" That's he could say after almost getting me in trouble, "Look if you want this friendship to last never,I mean never call or text that number again or I am done," I said. He seemed shocked but I had to give to him plain and straight, I have a black mom and black moms don't play when it comes on to their kids.
He claimed him he understood but he did it again but it never ended even though I threatened him before.
At school I had to find away get him in a place where I could yell at him if he kept calling or texting my mom's number, finally, he got it no more calls or text after that, it seems like his brain and his ears weren't working when I was talking to him over the phone.
Everything felt normal until it came on to Fair day, I was the happiest girl in the whole school this was first time I have ever been to a fair. My happiness could not be contained, I was all over the place. Karla and Tori, my two closest friends and I walked the grounds of the school like we ruled it, we went to rides, we bought food we were having the time of our lives. I started to get comfortable that's until I got a message from a girl that Rico wanted to see me, did he have to ruin my time of having fun with my friends, I have to admit, I wanted to land a punch right in his face.
My friends said they were coming along with me to see Rico, but Rico wanted me to come alone.They followed me to a distance and waited for me, I saw him, he was smiling widely, the more he smile the more curious I got about what's coming my way. What did he want? I wondered, after greeting him, he took my hand and place a ring on my finger, I became speechless I didn't know what to say but then he hugged me and said, " you can go." You can go, like what on earth was going on? I went back to friends and told them what had happened, we shared a good laugh, it was definitely a cringy moment. I took the ring off my finger and placed it in my pocket my mind was telling me to throw it a way but what was I going to say if he asked me about his ring.
I arrived back at home in the afternoon, I did some homework and chores but I couldn't sleep my brain was focused on that ring, I couldn't take it anymore.
I locked the ring away along with some other accessories that I bought, if I could do anything not to see Rico's face I would.
Days after that everything was getting weird, Rico came to visit me at my class everyday at lunch and after school, I wanted to tell that I didn't want him around anymore but it was a very hard thing to do plus I didn't want to leave him shattered. But one fine day my friend Tori gave me bottle of homemade apple juice and told that it was from Rico, and he said that she had to ensure that I drank it, there was no way I was going to drink it, who knows what he put inside of the drink. I placed the juice in my bag and waited until it was time time for lunch so I could empty the juice in the sink and throw the bottle away but it seemed as if I was being watched.
School finally came to an end , the craziness was cover or so u thought. I was waiting on the bus when I was Rico coming my way, I wanted to hide so bad, but where would I go? I decided to face him and see what his problem was. "Hey, did you receive my gift?" he asked"Yes I did, thank you so much," I replied, but then he asked me why I threw it away. I knew that I was being watched but I never expected it to be him, "I am not allowed to eat from people," I answered, he smiled and changed the topic of conversation.
Rico and I took the same bus home, we sat beside each other and he held my hand, but after a couple minutes I felt a hand going a round my waist and another on face, "what's happening ?" I thought to myself, I was getting scared, he was about to kiss me, he came closer and closer, I was about to slap him in the face for trying to do that but I just moved my head away, I then asked the other person who was sitting beside me if I could switch places and they agreed, I was so uncomfortable that I felt like throwing up.
The next day I ignored him, I wrote a note and asked Tori to deliver it to him, and that she did. I tried to stay out of Rico way for the whole day but everywhere I went he was there. The bell rang for us to go home, I was relieved, I was stress free for the time being. My friends and I were waiting on the school bus when I saw two boys heading in our direction, they were my friends from the upper grade and also Rico's friends. They greeted me and asked me to take back Rico, "why would I do that? We were never together, I were only close and close as friends," I said, "he said you broke his heart and you guys were in a relationship and now he is crying," said one of the boys. This was getting serious, knowing that I made a person sad almost had me in tears but I still couldn't rap my head around the fact that he said I was in a relationship, we never talked about being in a relationship, he never claimed me as his girlfriend and I never claimed him as my boyfriend, this was all too weird for me to deal with. After a few minutes with talking to the boys they left, to go where? you may ask, well to find the crying Rico, this was getting more uncomfortable by the second. I looked Rico straight in the eye and he did the same, with his tears that could almost fill an ocean he took my hand and started begging and pleading for me take him back but all of a sudden I started sobbing, what for? I don't know maybe because all of this was driving me insane. "We were never together!" I yelled, it seemed like I was talking to a statue because there seemed to be no movement in his body.
I was about to walk away then suddenly I felt a hand around my throat gripping tighter and tighter, I heard my friends screaming and the place was starting to get dark when I heard Rico shouting, "you think that I am not good enough for you after everything that I have done for you. I hate you!" He threw me along the floor and walked away angrily. My friends helped me up from the floor and checked to see if I was feeling any pain, thankfully I wasn't in any pain but I was still shock yet I was happy that this crazy experience was over.
Some how after all this had happened Rico tried talking to me but I had a great power of ignoring people and staying out of their way and that I did.
© Mikhaylia Tennant
