"You're as weird as I am. I like it!"

Those were the first words Adele said to me almost twenty years ago. I was sitting on the bench in Regent's Park, humming Paganini's famous Caprice under my breath, scribbling notes on an old piece of paper. I looked up and saw a girl of my age staring and grinning at me. Her bright red curly hair seemed to burn like a torch in the sunlight and her indigo eyes bore into me with intent curiosity. She took my breath away. Little did I know she would turn my life upside down.

In our teenage years we basically lived in each other's pockets. "Where is Ray?" - "Oh, he's probably somewhere with Adele." We spent our days finding ways to get into trouble and wandering the streets of London. Sometimes we went to our favourite place in Regent's Park, the Japanese Garden. I played violin sonatas while grand waterfalls and magnificent castles appeared on Adele's canvas.
Five years later I found myself down on one knee in the Japanese Garden, presenting Adele a silver ring with sapphires on it. As she put the ring on, her dazzling eyes gleamed brighter than the precious gemstones.
Standing on the altar like a gentle angel wrapped in azure glow of her dress, Adele was a sight to behold. After we spoke our vows, she brought our faces together. "We will have the world at our feet," Adele whispered.
As our lips met I knew what happiness was.

Initially we rented a small flat in the East End but over time as Adele started selling her paintings and I composed more violin pieces we moved to Primrose Hill. We still visited the Japanese Garden and spent ends of the days laying on the Hill, gazing up at the sky, watching crimsom and lilac clouds gather and split up again.

Adele looked at the children playing around us and laughing and smiled wistfully. "Don't be sad," I tried to reassure her, "Next month will be the one."

The truth is four weeks later as I crossed the threshold of our home, "Middle-earth" Adele insisted on calling it, I was enveloped in a tight hug of all limbs and entangled curly hair. Adele beamed triumphantly at me and held out a positive pregnancy test.

The next day there already had been a crib in one of the rooms and Adele started painting the walls with bright colors. I have never seen her more happy. She was just so full of energy. We made plans about our child learning the violin and becoming a world-renowned artist.

Our grand dreams perished in flames of a car crash when seven months into her pregnancy Adele got into an accident. Some drunken teenager came barreling around the corner and she crashed into another car trying to get out of the way. The baby did not survive.

As we came home from the hospital, Adele went up to the attic, locked the door and spent three days there. I asked her to come out, banged on the door, shouted, begged but was met with silense. At the point where I started considering kicking down the door, she came out. Her face was pale and vacant, her radiant dark-blue eyes that always shone with warmth and passion seemed free of any emotion.

She never cried. Sometimes she could spend hours sitting on the bed staring at nothing. She seldom spoke. When I tried to make her to eat at least one of her favourite chocolate cupcakes, Adele just shook her head.

One day I heard a sound of something hitting the floor and crashing. I ran downstairs as fast as I could and saw Adele painting the walls of the nursery with black dye and crushing the wooden crib. The black was everywhere covering the green of the trees and grass, the blue of the sky and the river, and the lilac of the clouds Adele painted on the walls. I hardly managed to make her stop and then she sagged in my arms.
When I tried to take her to the hospital to treat her damaged hands, she refused to put on her shoes. "Why can't you put them on, dear?" I asked her concerned. "I just can't. I can't tell you why," she said with her head held down. I had to call for the doctor to come to us.

Next few weeks passed relatively peacefully. Sometimes she asked me weird questions, "Do you like winkelpickers?" Every so often Adele would get stuck, unable to move off a particular phrase, or endlessly repeating an action long after the need for it had been met. When I had found her with bleeding gums, after brushing her teeth for over fifteen minutes, the decision to stay with her as much as humanly possible was quickly made.

Still I had to go out at least to buy groceries and run some errands. One time as I came back, Adele wasn't home. I checked anxiously all the rooms and the attic but couldn't find her anywhere, as if she just disappeared into thin air. Then I looked outside and saw her in our backyard.

She was laying flat on the ground, face down, her hands locked behind her head. She wore no shoes. I ran out of the house and kneeled down before her. She was trembling and whimpering quietly. I touched her uncertainly but she did not respond. It seemed she didn't know I was there. I felt tears of helplessness pricking the back of my eyes. I softly called out her name and shook her ever so slightly.

Adele turned her head and faced me. She had never looked so frightened. There was some dirt on her deathly pale face.

"What it is, love?" I asked her, afraid of what she might say. She jumped a little at the sound of my voice and hastily looked around. She sighed heavily and sat up.

"Ray, you have to believe me," she whispered urgently. "We are being watched."

"What do you mean, sweatheart?" I said as I felt cold sweat forming on my brow.

"After you went out, I heard someone chewing human meat under my bed. I went outside. But then a special forces team sneaked in the yard. I shouted, and they got quiet. They said they would shoot me, so I dropped on the ground and pleaded them not to shoot me. Ray, what's with your face?"

The disturbing unease that had taken its roots in my heart grew into a full-blown dismay. I looked in Adele's captivating eyes and saw nothing but honesty. She truly believed in whatever her sick mind told her. I had no idea what to do.

"Calm down, dear. I think we need to go to a hospital. Where are your shoes?" My words wavered on the verge of hysteria.

"I can't wear shoes, Ray! Why don't you understand? There are demons in my shoes. If I put them on, they would crawl into my feet by going under my toenails and then take control of my body. What's wrong with you, Ray? Surely you're not one of them?" She rumbled, and her eyes gleamed with suspiciousness, blurred by the disease that had taken residence in her brilliant mind.

"Nothing's wrong, love. Let's get you up and then we can go to a hospital. I'm sure, doctors will help you"

"No!" Adele screamed at the top of her lungs."The doctors will control my thoughts. I believed you were on my side!"

Adele swiftly jumped on her feet and ran out of the yard. As what had just happened had finally sunk in, I started running after her. Adele had always been better than me at sports but now she ran like her life depended on it. She went down the Hill and then changed her direction towards Camden Town. She definetely wanted to get away by the Tube. Nobody knows what would have happened if I hadn't caught her. She tripped over a stone and hit her head while rolling down.

I took her to the nearest hospital and tried to explain the situation but words failed me and I just sank to the ground sobbing heavily and clutching the most precious person in my life.
Two weeks later Adele was released from the hospital and I took her home. In my bag there had been seven different kinds of medication and instruction when to take them. My beautiful beloved had schizophrenia. I couldn't believe what doctors told me.

It would not be easy, I thought as we finally were home. With help of medications, Adele slowly got better. Music and art seemed to help her. I played violin till my fingers cramped and ached but it was nothing compared to the look of the pure contentment on Adele's face. She was nearly her past self. Drawing her hallucinations helped her to get a grip on reality and I tried to understand what she was going through.

"It's like having a hundred televisions on inside your head. How can you focus on just one of them?"

One night we lay in the bed together. I was slowly playing with her wild curles and she had her head on my stomach. Suddently, she shook her head.

"What's the matter, sweet one?"

"They tell me you will leave me when you understand just how broken I am."

"We all are a bit broken. And I will never leave you."

Adele raised her head and looked at me with a hint of her former curiosity and something else. It was gratitude and hope and adoration and love all mixed together.


As our lips met I knew what true happiness was.
© Sofiia Tiapkina