I have started this so many times and chickened out way more than that but something still tells me that I need to share this because it's not about what you've been through but it's about what you can do with what you've been through share what you've been through help somebody out because in the end you go through it and don't help anybody what good did it do. I want to start out saying that I never intended to ever cause harm to the most important people that I ever had in my life my family my four beautiful girls and the friends that I had a long time ago. I don't want any sympathy and I don't want to talk about everything that this did to me because in the end what it did to the ones that I love I learned was way worse. I remember being happy like I can truly sit here and remember feeling happy feeling protected and loved and safe and just like I had no cares in the world that's what my parents did for me even though it was most definitely there lies that taught me things I never wanted to pass to my children.
Theres a lot of things that we could get into you can set me up to sound like I was so broken and that's why this happened but I just want to make sure that, even if it's only one person that hears me please don't shrug it away like that could never happen to me, I know because that is exactly what I believed.
You can be smart successful outgoing strong-willed loving a great mother a friend to everyone and just a very happy person and in an instant not such an instant it took a little bit of time but it was so gradual and manipulative that I didn't even know understand or relate to anything that was going on so that I could put up walls or red flags were going off it wasn't like,that so if you're with anyone and they fit into anything that I'm about to say run and don't look back! I never really knew the things I'm about to say until I lived in it for 20 years and now feel that this is my purpose to share the knowledge that I've been schooled and tested and practiced and lost until I didn't I think that I'm supposed to share this that's the purpose that's the reason it took me so long it took me losing everything, everyone,my babies ,my mom ,my dad my brothers and my baby sister my best friend and of course completely losing myself respect, my self esteem and the 4 most important people to truly be able to hit that point where you have nowhere else to go but the grave or something else. I chose something else I chose my kids even though it was mostly too late I chose the one that was the youngest the one that was mostly affected by this because I couldn't get her out of it the one that I will never be able to explain why I her mother her protector her giver of Life was not strong enough to get her away from the most evil that I've ever known. You think you know someone and you get into a relationship with them and they just sweep you off your feet and they're so charming and charismatic and just everything that you've been looking for and your kids love him and they do everything for you or so you think.
I remember when I met we'll call him the evil and I was just so drawn to him to every thing about him and now I wonder over and over day after day what was I doing what was wrong with me at that moment that lead me to the decision to let this evil into my life that?
He demolition my life with not one smidge of regret, a true Narsisit evil that looks like gq and charms everyone but not the real, for me I got to be up close and personal with a physcopath.
Everyone dear to me and everything that I ever dreamed of my life being was just like squash it between his hands, like it just didn't happen at all.
This took years of manipulation and control until I finally couldn't take it and my babies my only true loves were not with me so I couldn't fight it and really I was sinking deeper and deeper.
I was going to have another baby I was like everything is going to be better little did I know I would make everything so much better. I never got to carry the baby I never knew,more of his way or nothing.
A narcissist always wants to be number one just wants to be in the front they don't care about anything else they're always right you're always wrong and they don't share they don't care if it's their baby or somebody in the street or their mother they do not care they have no feeling they never think they're wrong and this person is the chosen one for me.
The times when you can see the moment everything is going
everyone is going
everyone but me.
I remember believing in perseverance and dedication to the ones you love, and being loyal and faithful to your spouse and the rest would be just fine as long as you take your vows and commitment serious.
You can but only if it's reciprocated and not just one sided. I remember thinking I had messed up so I couldn't let my babies suffer for my wrong decision. I was to pay for this for the next decade of my life while my babies were safe and away from him...