(Midnight Smiles? 💔)

Warning: Expresses Themes of Suicide

Hey, diary,


It's a bit rainy today,
And really depressing,


That just makes me think back to what happened a year ago,

I was in School at the time, Surely being bullied, Because of me being an Albino,

"Look it's the weird pale girl!!" A kid exclaimed, and the kids in the hallway laughed at me,

But whenever I hear them, I get so angry, But, Something inside of me, Decided to just smile,

And, It wasn't a nice smile, it was like a forced smile, but I wasn't enjoying the jokes about me,

" Albino is smiling?! That's not Normal!" another kid said, I continued to smile and I wanted to break down right there,

But, I just didn't want to show any more vulnerability in front of the kids, Because if I cried, They would laugh,

"Smiling is what makes me feel stronger than all you." I said to them. I believe that stuck with them for a bit.

So those school days were torture for me, And I sometimes had feelings about killing myself,

No, I always felt that if I killed myself, Everyone would still laugh,

But what I really wanted to happen if I did kill myself,
Everyone would cry, And I would retain a bit of pleasure even if I suffered,

But, Every time I tried to sneak off into my bedroom with a knife, I asked myself,
'Will this really be worth it? Will it hurt? Will anyone care?'

And I look at You, Diary

And Something in my head says, 'Don't do it... It's not worth it...', And then I don't,

Because I didn't want to disappoint everyone I love, I want to be seen as a strong person, And everyone can trust me,

And I just want to be special to anyone, Not something that everyone else despises,

But you always make me feel special, Like a planet of Grandiose and beauty, and I'm just Waiting to be Discovered,

And after that Sad stage In my life, I see everyone as A new planet, Waiting to be Discovered,

Thanks for being by my side, No matter how I feel, I love you so much,

And you make me smile,

Diary ❤️



© Midnightdreams