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Isolation of entering a new place....
The feeling of being ignored is the worst feeling anyone can feel, everyone around you are extroverts but its kinda lonely to know that you are the only one who is introvert, I will tell you about my case, i trying so hard to communicate even thought i can communicate its like talking to a bird who mistakenly or unknowingly left one of its feather, that feather is somewhere so farr.
its harder to communicate when you know that feeling of making someone feel bad, even though you are doing anything. It feels so bad Because Even though you were my classmate when we were younger it feels like we never had meet.
The first day doesn't seem to be bad, even if you do not talk on the first day its okay because you have other days to get accostomed to, but its something different when more then 3 months have passed away yet you are unable to get accostomed to, Its something that i never experienced before, Its so weird because they all are amazing on their own, even though we say words, they are definitely unique in their own way, sometimes i get lost in my own thoughts, i am siting in the last bench corner of the classroom, Probably that's why nobody notices me execpt my benchmate, i dont know because i am unable to get used to this class without my best friend, its so weird not the same. I like being Alone in my classroom because i can think of anything but it doesn't mean that i like being lonely or feel isolated. To be honest, Everyone has their own business, everybody likes to do their own things. What's even harder and painful is that, I am unable to ask doubts to some of my classmates, thinking they will make make fun of me for not knowing about it. I am unable to ask my maths teacher doubts because i am scared he will scold me for not knowing such a simple problem that everybody knows.
What's even worse, when everyone prepares for their exams and in the morning they are like asking questions and practising more makes me feel that I did not even prepare. Most of classmates are toppers, Like more than half of my class are toppers, its so difficult to keep up with it cause i am just a average student in that class. i am unable to control my fear of getting laughed at, Even if i am not there, it won't be different because i am becoming like a ghost in my very own classroom, I could ask doubts last year but this year is fearing me, i don't know what to do because I wrote my math and science exams terribly, i am scared now,no i was always scared. i am scared of being scolded, i am scared of revealing my feelings. Though i laugh freely, I don't get the jokes sometimes. Sometimes I feel that they are taking it bit too much. I can talk with my classmates but i am unable to make them my friends. These are my true feelings. I am just a 14 year old girl who has fear of god watching my every step. Sometimes what i want to say i cant say because of fear of them making fun of me. I always felt isolated here but last year i had amazing fun. Sometimes, when they play games, i don't involve because i get scared thinking that they will say something about me,when i don't play amazingly. Hehe, i know i overthink a lot, indeed i overthink a lot because of fear, it is not a new class anymore but it feels like one indeed, just seeing the toppers being sad because they will lose marks, makes me feel like i will fail for sure. Either way, i dont know much about my classmates,
neither do my classmates know about me much, but i do hope we create beautiful memories that will fly like a butterfly, I don't want to hang under a rope but over a rope creating hope. its hard to understand when no one asks what are your inner feelings, what are feeling right now. sometimes, they do weird stuff its weird but okay?
I don't know i am really suffering with out my best friend, it's like your suffocating from not being able to breathe anymore, i understand now life sucks, tho so many bad things happened in my life, i still keep a smile on, just to live this live for more then a mile. One thing is for sure, 8th was really special to me compared to 9th, Cant say fully without fully experiencing 9th but when i do, i will tell you about it. I suffered but i am truthfully not sure what I suffered is called suffering or they are beatings from my brother. The class is good but somehow i still feel isolated and suffocated, knowing that i dont have my best friend with me, tbh she is the only person i could ever ask for doubts after a teacher, i dont mind new teachers, sometimes they turn out great and nice to meet to or maybe you could even understand lesssons better from them.
i wish there was someone to understand my feelings, This is not a story but a reality to know what you should be overcoming of. Even though i try to overcome my fear of getting made fun of, getting scolded, its just too hard and difficult to do so, i do hope those who are suffering more than me, will be free from their suffering life, and get a gift from god for their life to be better. I only want to ask you guys how are you? What are your inner feelings? Dont worry, you can trust me. Anything bad happen?....
WHOEVER IS READING THIS AND ARE SUFFERING, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, DONT WORRY ME AND YOUR FAMILY OR STRANGERS WILL HELP YOU VENT YOUR PROBLEMS.
© fiery
its harder to communicate when you know that feeling of making someone feel bad, even though you are doing anything. It feels so bad Because Even though you were my classmate when we were younger it feels like we never had meet.
The first day doesn't seem to be bad, even if you do not talk on the first day its okay because you have other days to get accostomed to, but its something different when more then 3 months have passed away yet you are unable to get accostomed to, Its something that i never experienced before, Its so weird because they all are amazing on their own, even though we say words, they are definitely unique in their own way, sometimes i get lost in my own thoughts, i am siting in the last bench corner of the classroom, Probably that's why nobody notices me execpt my benchmate, i dont know because i am unable to get used to this class without my best friend, its so weird not the same. I like being Alone in my classroom because i can think of anything but it doesn't mean that i like being lonely or feel isolated. To be honest, Everyone has their own business, everybody likes to do their own things. What's even harder and painful is that, I am unable to ask doubts to some of my classmates, thinking they will make make fun of me for not knowing about it. I am unable to ask my maths teacher doubts because i am scared he will scold me for not knowing such a simple problem that everybody knows.
What's even worse, when everyone prepares for their exams and in the morning they are like asking questions and practising more makes me feel that I did not even prepare. Most of classmates are toppers, Like more than half of my class are toppers, its so difficult to keep up with it cause i am just a average student in that class. i am unable to control my fear of getting laughed at, Even if i am not there, it won't be different because i am becoming like a ghost in my very own classroom, I could ask doubts last year but this year is fearing me, i don't know what to do because I wrote my math and science exams terribly, i am scared now,no i was always scared. i am scared of being scolded, i am scared of revealing my feelings. Though i laugh freely, I don't get the jokes sometimes. Sometimes I feel that they are taking it bit too much. I can talk with my classmates but i am unable to make them my friends. These are my true feelings. I am just a 14 year old girl who has fear of god watching my every step. Sometimes what i want to say i cant say because of fear of them making fun of me. I always felt isolated here but last year i had amazing fun. Sometimes, when they play games, i don't involve because i get scared thinking that they will say something about me,when i don't play amazingly. Hehe, i know i overthink a lot, indeed i overthink a lot because of fear, it is not a new class anymore but it feels like one indeed, just seeing the toppers being sad because they will lose marks, makes me feel like i will fail for sure. Either way, i dont know much about my classmates,
neither do my classmates know about me much, but i do hope we create beautiful memories that will fly like a butterfly, I don't want to hang under a rope but over a rope creating hope. its hard to understand when no one asks what are your inner feelings, what are feeling right now. sometimes, they do weird stuff its weird but okay?
I don't know i am really suffering with out my best friend, it's like your suffocating from not being able to breathe anymore, i understand now life sucks, tho so many bad things happened in my life, i still keep a smile on, just to live this live for more then a mile. One thing is for sure, 8th was really special to me compared to 9th, Cant say fully without fully experiencing 9th but when i do, i will tell you about it. I suffered but i am truthfully not sure what I suffered is called suffering or they are beatings from my brother. The class is good but somehow i still feel isolated and suffocated, knowing that i dont have my best friend with me, tbh she is the only person i could ever ask for doubts after a teacher, i dont mind new teachers, sometimes they turn out great and nice to meet to or maybe you could even understand lesssons better from them.
i wish there was someone to understand my feelings, This is not a story but a reality to know what you should be overcoming of. Even though i try to overcome my fear of getting made fun of, getting scolded, its just too hard and difficult to do so, i do hope those who are suffering more than me, will be free from their suffering life, and get a gift from god for their life to be better. I only want to ask you guys how are you? What are your inner feelings? Dont worry, you can trust me. Anything bad happen?....
WHOEVER IS READING THIS AND ARE SUFFERING, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, DONT WORRY ME AND YOUR FAMILY OR STRANGERS WILL HELP YOU VENT YOUR PROBLEMS.
© fiery
