AUTHOR'S NOTE: This short story was written for a fiction writing class I took years ago. It's very intense because the protagonist and her friends are all thirteen years old, and at that age, everything is intense. It may seem overdramatic at points, but that's how thirteen-year-olds view the world. It's written in the present tense because they live in the moment, and sometimes they feel like this moment is all there is.

When I wrote it, some people argued that the kids should have been older, but here's the truth: Thirteen-year-olds are trying to figure out who they are. A lot of young queer kids are just starting to realize they're different at that age. I wanted to tell a short coming of age story that explored how hard it is to be different than your peers, especially when the world hasn't accepted the gay community either.

In 2002, when the story is set, the Media was just starting to explore portraying lesbian, gay, or bisexual characters, and it was still considered to be kind of edgy and taboo. (Transgender people were generally not represented or accepted at all.) Coming out in that world was even scarier than it is now, and that's why I wrote this story.

Comments and votes are always appreciated. Thank you for reading!

SIN
New York City, 2002...

It's the first sunny day in a week, and the temperature is higher than it has been in months. Spring has arrived, and the students of Parker Middle School are not looking forward to going inside this morning. For once in our lives, Lucy and I are no exception to the general population of the school.

Lucy and I have never really fit in with the other girls at school. We don't want to be cheerleaders. We don't wear make-up. We don't pay attention to the latest fashion trends. We prefer reading The New York Times to reading Seventeen Magazine. Lucy and I also have no interest in boys. Well, actually, Lucy's pretty interested in them, but I don't see what the big deal is.

Lucy's my best (and only) friend. She's really thin, hasn't gotten a figure yet, and she wears glasses with thick lenses. Her long black hair is always worn in two braids, one on each side of her head, making her look even younger than her thirteen years. Lucy may be interested in boys, but they're not very interested in her. I think she's better off.

At the exact moment that I look up this morning, someone I don't recognize enters the schoolyard. The girl has strawberry blonde hair that barely reaches the bottom of her ears. She's grinning from ear to ear and her blue eyes are shining. Something about her reminds me of a pixie. She sits down by herself in the corner of the schoolyard opposite where Lucy and I are sitting.

"Who's she?" I ask Lucy, pointing to the pixie-girl.

"Who, the girl with the short hair?" Lucy asks. I nod. "I have no idea. She must be new."

"She's, like, really amazing."

"How do you know that if you don't even know her name yet?" Lucy asks with a laugh.

"I don't know; I just do. I really want to talk to her."

"What, do you have a crush on her or something?" Lucy asks with a laugh.

I'm totally caught off-guard by Lucy's question. "No way, that's crazy. How can you even ask me a thing like that?" I reply. It seems like such a ridiculous suggestion.

"Well, the way you were just talking about her, that's what it sounded like, is all," Lucy replies with a shrug.

"It's not like that, Lucy. I just think she's cool-looking, and I get a good feeling from her."

"Right." Lucy rolls her eyes.

I suddenly feel a desperate need to change the subject. "Whatever," I say awkwardly. "So, did you do the reading for English?"

"Of course I did. You know my parents would kill me if I didn't get straight A's," Lucy says.

"I didn't read it. I fell asleep on the book. My mom would flip if she knew. I mean, English is her subject."

"Yeah, and she's probably a way better teacher than Miss Christian. I really hate her!"

I shrug. "Miss C's not so bad, Lucy."

The bell rings. Lucy jumps up and gathers her books. "We'd better go inside."

"But it's such a nice day," I protest.

"The days in summer are nicer. You don't want to be stuck in school then, right?"

She has an excellent point. "Fine," I say with a sigh. "Let's go."

                                ~~~*~~~

I'm in science class and, as usual, I'm not paying attention. I don't bother to look up when I hear Mr. Goodman, my teacher, talking. "Hello, Janie," Mr. Goodman says. "I'm Mr. Goodman. It's nice to meet you. Why don't you have a seat next to Piper? Piper, would you raise your hand?"

Startled at hearing my name, I look up suddenly and realize that the pixie-girl is looking at me. I raise my hand.

The pixie-girl sits down beside me. "Hi," she says with a friendly smile that makes her eyes light up.

"Hi," I manage. I hope I'm not turning colors. That one word has left me thinking that Janie has the most amazing voice I've ever heard.

"So, your name's Piper?" Janie asks. I nod. "That's an awesome name. I'm totally going to name my kids cool names like that. Janie's so dull." She smiles at me again, and I feel my usual shyness fading away.

"Where are you from?" I ask.

"Utah. It totally sucks there. I'm so glad my family moved here."

"It sucks here, too," I reply.

"I don't think it can possibly be as dull as Utah. I mean, this is New York City!" She says this with a childish glee in her eyes, and once
again, I find myself thinking about how amazing Janie seems to be.

I can't get her out of my mind, and after science class ends, I rush into Miss Christian's English class and tap Lucy on the shoulder.

"Janie," I say.

"What?" Lucy asks in complete confusion.

"The new girl's name is Janie, and she really is amazing. The teacher put her next to me in science."

"Oh. That's nice," Lucy says in a bored tone.

"She's from Utah. Her family just moved here." I know she doesn't really care, but for some reason, I can't seem to stop rambling about Janie.

"She's probably one of those Mormons," Lucy says.

I have no idea what a Mormon is, but I don't want to admit it and sound stupid, so I ask, "What makes you say that?"

"Almost everyone in Utah is a Mormon," Lucy replies in a tone that suggests she knows everything about everything. I don't question it. Lucy's usually right.

"Is that bad?" I ask.

Lucy shrugs. "I don't know. I've never met one before. They're supposed to be really preachy though, and the men have, like, ten wives."

"She's not preachy. And is it legal to have that many wives?" I ask in confusion.

"Nope, but they do it anyway. Mormons don't care about laws, they just marry however many people they want."

"That's just a stereotype," Janie says, surprising us both. Neither one of us noticed her enter the classroom.

"Janie! Gosh, that must have sounded awful. We're not, like, closed- minded or anything," I say quickly. I can feel my skin turning bright red.

"Don't worry, Piper. I'm not offended," Janie promises. "A lot of people think that Mormons are like that. Heck, some of us even are. The thing is, a lot of us aren't, and people need to realize that."

"So you are a Mormon, then?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, my family's super religious, but I'm sort of trying to figure out for myself what I believe in."

"That's cool," I reply honestly.

"And I promise, my parents are happily married to each other and no one else," Janie adds with a smirk.

"So, Piper, are you gonna introduce me, or do I have to do it myself?" Lucy asks suddenly. I've almost forgotten that she's standing next to me.

"Oh! Sorry... Lucy, this is Janie. Janie, this is Lucy, my best friend since forever," I say.

"Nice to meet you, Lucy," Janie replies warmly.

"Nice to meet you, too," Lucy replies politely.

Miss Christian walks into the classroom. She sits down at her desk, and the class quiets down immediately. Miss Christian doesn't take any nonsense in her classroom.

"Hi," Janie says, walking over to the teacher's desk. "I'm new." She hands her the registration information she's holding.

Miss Christian examines Janie briefly before saying, "Welcome, Miss Davis. Take whatever seat is available. I'll give you a list of what we've covered so far so that you can catch up."

Janie immediately sits down next to me. It feels like butterflies are tap dancing in my stomach. I wonder why she has such a strong affect on me. I don't understand it, but I kind of like it.

~~~*~~~

It's been three weeks since Janie's come to the school. Lucy and I are spending a ton of time with her. Janie and I are getting pretty close, which has been great. Lucy's amazing, but it's nice to finally have another friend, too.

Today, Janie invited Lucy and I over to her house for dinner. I'm really nervous, but I'm trying to hide it.

"Hello," Mrs. Davis, Janie's mother, greets us warmly. She has a grin on her face that doesn't leave, but there's something kind of fake about it. "You must be Janie's friends. Which one of you is Piper?"

I shyly reply, "I am."

"Janie's always going on about you, dear. I'm so glad that she found such a good friend so soon." Mrs. Davis pauses for a second before adding, "And she goes on about you as well, Lucy dear, of course. She adores you both."

A girl who looks like a younger version of Janie enters the room. "Hi," she says. "I'm Mary, Janie's sister."

"Hi," I reply politely.

"Hey," Lucy adds. We are women of many words.

"Mary, be a dear and let Janie know that her guests are here," Mrs. Davis says.

"Yes, Mom," Mary says, hurrying out of the room.

"Isn't she a little darling? She's ten years old already, and I can hardly believe it. Of course, Andrew's sixteen, and I still picture him as being a little boy. Andrew is Janie's older brother."

"It must be nice having siblings. I'm an only child," I say.

"Oh, how terribly sad," Mrs. Davis says. "Big families are such a joy. What about you, Lucy? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have an older sister," Lucy replies with a shrug. Lucy once told me that small talk bores her. I think she's just trying to sound mature or something.

"Hey guys," Janie says, entering the room. I can feel the butterflies tap dancing in my stomach again when I see her. I barely even notice that anyone else is in the room until she says, "This is my brother, Andrew, and you've already met Mary."

"Hi," Lucy says, because I have gone silent. Sometimes, when I see Janie and the butterflies start to tap dance, I forget how to speak for a couple of seconds. I've never met anyone who had that affect on me before.

When Janie's father comes home, dinner is served. "This is delicious," I say.

"It's salmon," Mrs. Davis replies proudly. "I used a family recipe to make it."

"Elizabeth is an excellent cook," Mr. Davis says affectionately.

"Oh, Adam, you're going to make me blush," Mrs. Davis replies with a laugh.

By the end of the evening, everyone is in a good mood. I've gotten comfortable enough to start making jokes, and everyone's been laughing. Things are going well, and Janie's family really seems to like Lucy and I.

"Janie, dear, I'm so glad that you found such nice girls to be your friends," Mrs. Davis says. "I was so worried, with this being New York and all, that you'd only find bad influences."

"Yeah, Janie, they're really nice," Mary chips in. "Especially Piper. She's really funny."

I feel myself blushing. "Piper's pretty awesome," Janie says with her usual grin growing larger. I know my skin must be bright red. Even my ears feel like they're on fire. After a pause, Janie adds, "And Lucy's cool, too."

Lucy mumbles something under her breath that I don't quite catch.

"Just make sure that you continue to hang around with the good crowd, Janie," Andrew warns. "I don't want my sister going down a sinful path." Even though he smiles as he says this, his eyes are cold. I don't like Andrew. He gives me the creeps.

"You girls will have to come over again sometime soon," Mrs. Davis says, ignoring Andrew's comment.

"Definitely," Janie agrees.

I am so happy. I don't know why, but the butterflies are tap dancing again.

~~~*~~~

One week after meeting Janie's family, I'm sitting in a stairwell in the school sobbing. I just found out bad news, and I've gone there to be alone, but to my surprise, Janie walks into the stairwell, and when she sees me, she hurries to my side.

"Piper, what's the matter?" Janie asks, sitting beside me. The butterflies are tap dancing less actively today, but they're still there.

"My aunt was in a car accident last night," I say. "She was killed instantly." I hear myself saying the words, but I don't feel them. It hasn't really hit me yet.

"Oh my God, I'm really sorry to hear that. Are you okay?"

"Not really." My voice breaks. I don't want her to see me lose it, but for some reason, I can't lie to Janie. "I mean, we were really close. I'm going to miss her so much."

Janie puts her arms around me. I feel so safe in her arms that I allow myself to cry into Janie's shoulder. The butterflies begin tap dancing more intensely.

"I know it's hard," Janie says. "I was really close to one of my cousins, and when she died, I totally lost it."

I sit up and look into Janie's eyes. "It hurts," I whisper.

"I know, Piper... I'm here for you, okay?"

Still looking into her eyes, I believe her. Janie understands me like no one else ever has. Suddenly, Janie leans over and kisses me. I blink, totally caught off-guard by this.

Janie pulls away. "I'm sorry," she says quickly. "I don't know why I did that. It was stupid."

Janie's lips felt so soft against mine. The butterflies have gone insane. I can't let her think that this was a mistake. Somehow, I find my voice. "No," I say. "No, it wasn't stupid. It was nice..."

"Seriously?" Janie asks hopefully. "Do you mean that?"

"I mean it," I confirm. I pause, confused about what has just happened. "Janie, what does this mean?"

"I don't know," she admits. "Let's not label it right now, Piper. Let's just see what happens."

"Okay," I whisper, resting my head on Janie's shoulder. Nothing has ever felt as right to me as this does.

~~~*~~~

Janie and I have been "seeing what will happen" for three weeks now. It's been incredible. She's the most amazing person I have ever met, and although I'm still pretty depressed about my aunt, Janie is always able to make me smile. We have started to spend all of our time together.

Today, I told Lucy that I was going home to study, but I'm actually at Janie's house. We're sitting on her bed and kissing, and the butterflies are tap dancing faster than they ever have before.

I never really understood what was so great about kissing before I kissed Janie. Now I get it. It's like, bliss. Maybe it's even Bliss, with a capital B. Actually, now that I think about it, it's more like BLISS, written with all of the letters in caps. BLISS is the only word that even comes close to describing it.

I'm totally caught off guard when Mary opens the bedroom door without knocking and gasps. Janie and I quickly break away from each other.

"Mary!" Janie exclaims. I can see that she's trying to think of an explanation for what we have just been caught doing. "It's not what it looks like. See, Piper's in this play at school, and I was just helping her rehearse a scene," she says, speaking rapidly. I've never seen Janie panic before.

"I'm not stupid, Janie," Mary says. "I know what you were doing." She pauses, and then asks, "Are you guys, like, lesbians or something?"

"No!" Janie says quickly. "I mean, of course not."

"It's okay," Mary says in a soothing tone. "I like Piper. I think you two would be cute together. Mom and Dad would freak out, though, and so would Andrew."

"Mary, we're not lesbians."

"Then what are you?"

I study Mary for a moment. Thoughtfully, I say, "We're just... Two people who are in love."

"That's so sweet," Mary says. I am relieved, but Janie doesn't seem to have heard her, because she's still panicking.

"Mary, please, please don't tell anyone about this," Janie begs. "Mom and Dad would send me back to Utah to live with Grandma and Grandpa."

"I won't tell. I told you, I think it's sweet."

"So, you're not grossed out?"

"You're in love. That's not gross, even if it is with another girl. I have this friend at school, Natalie, and she's got two dads. They're more in love than half of the parents who are straight. I think love is what matters, not whether or not the people are straight."

Janie sighs with relief. "Thank you, Mary. When did you get so smart?"

"I've always been smart, but no one's bothered to notice," Mary replies. She grins, and so does Janie, which makes me grin, too. "Oh, and don't let me interrupt." She leaves the bedroom giggling.

(Continued in next part)

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