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On One Family Trip
During the time we lived in CA, we went on a trip to AZ where my stepdads family was.
I hated the trip through the desolate desert and barren landscape, no air conditioning, and never another human being anywhere. Just a huge long highway "short cut" of some sort. It was brutal. It made me wonder if every one of us didn't suffer some dehydration and heat stroke at some point.
I don't remember if it was our 1st trip or not, but the closer we got to some civilization my stepfather decided to drive through a McDonald's. I was shocked at what I overheard. I was rarely ever spoken directly to. We never ever got to do anything like that before.
I had never had a potato chip until I was 5 or 6 years old. I got in trouble at Sancta Maria International School for wandering around the school at one point, instead of going to class. Mother Victoria was shocked at my mother when she had to finish at work before coming to get me. It ended up being after dark, whatever time that was in Japan then. But that's another story...
Anyway, I was certainly looking forward to some real food.
Much to my surprise me, he ordered cheeseburgers, and fries, and then he was done.
My mother sat up front in the passenger seat with my half sister on her lap. She was still a toddler.
No one asked what I wanted.
My mother finally said that I hadn't gotten anything. I was a bit shocked, but not really. He was an evil tyrant. She argued, which I appreciated but knew was futile,
"Well you can't just NOT feed her?!", she said. His reply already had me staring out the window somehow able to release tears out of my left eye so he wouldn't see. Otherwise there would be further reprimand.
I was crammed into a little space directly behind his seat, so he "wouldn't have to look at me".
He blurted out, "She could live off her fat for a month!"
I was 9 or 10 years old I think.
My mother gave me a few of my sisters french fries. I think she gave me a bite of her hamburger after she had eaten what she wanted.
After the nightmare drive from Chula Vista, CA to Mesa, AZ I wondered and held out some small hope for someone to see at least a little of what my life was like and in so doing find some way to make things at least tolerable or just put me out of my misery. I hated my life. I hated him.
Unfortunately, all I got was a lecture from my mother. I don't remember anything that brought it on, just a...bizarre random occurrence and I knew everyone else could hear. I lost any bit of hope I had after that. Not only was it crushing to my heart, it was so embarassing for her to just berate me in front of (on the other side of the trailer door) my grandparents. I got shamed. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I was a "disappointment", and "why didn't I try harder?"
Funny, I bet no one else knew but me, why my grandmother (his mother) would sneak up behind him sometimes and pinch the back of his tricep hard. Like a "Bee Bite"? He always kept explaining to her that it really hurt! She would just fold her arms and ask at the same time, "Why are you always picking on her?!"
Yeah. Why? Why didn't you tell her while she was alive?
You would have to read my other stories in order to get a better understanding.
I knew why she did it, and it was just one little grain of sand in an ocean of anger and pain, but I lived for that little grain of sand.
That was my whole world sometimes. I didn't like home. I didn't like my parents or their preferred child. I didn't like school, and hated my life.
~ SML
© All Rights Reserved
I hated the trip through the desolate desert and barren landscape, no air conditioning, and never another human being anywhere. Just a huge long highway "short cut" of some sort. It was brutal. It made me wonder if every one of us didn't suffer some dehydration and heat stroke at some point.
I don't remember if it was our 1st trip or not, but the closer we got to some civilization my stepfather decided to drive through a McDonald's. I was shocked at what I overheard. I was rarely ever spoken directly to. We never ever got to do anything like that before.
I had never had a potato chip until I was 5 or 6 years old. I got in trouble at Sancta Maria International School for wandering around the school at one point, instead of going to class. Mother Victoria was shocked at my mother when she had to finish at work before coming to get me. It ended up being after dark, whatever time that was in Japan then. But that's another story...
Anyway, I was certainly looking forward to some real food.
Much to my surprise me, he ordered cheeseburgers, and fries, and then he was done.
My mother sat up front in the passenger seat with my half sister on her lap. She was still a toddler.
No one asked what I wanted.
My mother finally said that I hadn't gotten anything. I was a bit shocked, but not really. He was an evil tyrant. She argued, which I appreciated but knew was futile,
"Well you can't just NOT feed her?!", she said. His reply already had me staring out the window somehow able to release tears out of my left eye so he wouldn't see. Otherwise there would be further reprimand.
I was crammed into a little space directly behind his seat, so he "wouldn't have to look at me".
He blurted out, "She could live off her fat for a month!"
I was 9 or 10 years old I think.
My mother gave me a few of my sisters french fries. I think she gave me a bite of her hamburger after she had eaten what she wanted.
After the nightmare drive from Chula Vista, CA to Mesa, AZ I wondered and held out some small hope for someone to see at least a little of what my life was like and in so doing find some way to make things at least tolerable or just put me out of my misery. I hated my life. I hated him.
Unfortunately, all I got was a lecture from my mother. I don't remember anything that brought it on, just a...bizarre random occurrence and I knew everyone else could hear. I lost any bit of hope I had after that. Not only was it crushing to my heart, it was so embarassing for her to just berate me in front of (on the other side of the trailer door) my grandparents. I got shamed. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I was a "disappointment", and "why didn't I try harder?"
Funny, I bet no one else knew but me, why my grandmother (his mother) would sneak up behind him sometimes and pinch the back of his tricep hard. Like a "Bee Bite"? He always kept explaining to her that it really hurt! She would just fold her arms and ask at the same time, "Why are you always picking on her?!"
Yeah. Why? Why didn't you tell her while she was alive?
You would have to read my other stories in order to get a better understanding.
I knew why she did it, and it was just one little grain of sand in an ocean of anger and pain, but I lived for that little grain of sand.
That was my whole world sometimes. I didn't like home. I didn't like my parents or their preferred child. I didn't like school, and hated my life.
~ SML
© All Rights Reserved
