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The Lioness and The Lamb Ending
The Lioness and The Lamb Chapter Four End
Jyn
It's been a week of working at the shelter which has made me feel much better as a person. It was work that benefited my efforts without any negative interference. The workload for Robert became none existent when I started helping him organize and understand things better. Luckily I had an understanding of business and how to spot problems that could be solved quickly. The ones with much deeper problems took time but also got resolved and Soon Robert was less at work. The construction had taken all his time while I had to manage the shelter fully. Cat made fliers for the animals and handed them out at places around the library which got us some traction. We managed to find homes for the younger ones and I even managed to make sales off our products.
Cat has been taking the lead but I'm like a statue which bothers me because I see she's trying. But last night she asked if it was time to move on for us or not, something she asks frequently which I can't blame her. Even though I'm not who I was that need to be in control has been pushing its way to the surface. All I can do is resist and fight against it yet I can't help wondering if that's me or just a slip through a crack. Neither of us wanted the relationship to be this complicated to restart or even rekindle but it's hard separating myself. I often feel I'm close but then it slips away from my fingers again and I'm left grasping at air desperately.
"Hey, it's lunchtime Jyn."
"Sorry I was in my head."
"I know and it doesn't seem to be any better today."
"What do you mean?"
"You are still losing whatever you keep fighting against. But if I had to guess you are afraid to accept both are you, and you keep cutting yourself mentally. But it's a part of you so it won't go away, it happened before remember. You told me that."
She was speaking the truth which I was hoping not to admit because I didn't wanna be that person. I wanted to be separated entirely from that terrible person but if I have to accept it's another piece of me. And not just a creation made to keep me safe how do I handle that exactly.
"Hey, enough already. Lunchtime is my free time so stop with the thinking."
"Sorry, how was work?"
"Good but the fliers are getting low. So I'll have to make more tonight it seems. Any more little guys get adopted?"
"Just a few and now mostly the older ones are here but that's okay. Robert said the retirement home part of the construction was near finished. So they will be moved home."
"That's good, everyone needs a home. I think I'll need a vacation soon myself, my body is so tight and tense. Those booms are getting heavier or maybe I'm getting old."
Looking at her smiling like this is contagious and I soon start smiling. If for one night I'm not afraid I wonder if we can reconnect so I can see the truth. If I let go for one night then we can have our answer by morning, it's silly and nearly illogical. But I want to know more than anything who I am honestly.
"Well, you keep spacing, and the foods gone so ill head back. Take care and don't let yourself become too absorbed Jyn."
She didn't reach over to kiss me but it was expected with a look of pain. It's like watching her walk away from me again and it hurts so deeply. My body moves before my brain can catch up and I soon have her pulled back towards me. My actions are fueled by my body this time and everything seems to flow naturally. My lips find hers if only briefly which was more than enough to steal away her breath once more. If something doesn't change I'll lose her for good and all of this suffering will be for nothing.
"If nothing changes between us Cat I'm afraid I'll lose you again... Tonight just you and me we both will just let go. Hopefully, we will have an answer by morning, no regrets."
"Okay, it's a date... I'll see you...
Jyn
It's been a week of working at the shelter which has made me feel much better as a person. It was work that benefited my efforts without any negative interference. The workload for Robert became none existent when I started helping him organize and understand things better. Luckily I had an understanding of business and how to spot problems that could be solved quickly. The ones with much deeper problems took time but also got resolved and Soon Robert was less at work. The construction had taken all his time while I had to manage the shelter fully. Cat made fliers for the animals and handed them out at places around the library which got us some traction. We managed to find homes for the younger ones and I even managed to make sales off our products.
Cat has been taking the lead but I'm like a statue which bothers me because I see she's trying. But last night she asked if it was time to move on for us or not, something she asks frequently which I can't blame her. Even though I'm not who I was that need to be in control has been pushing its way to the surface. All I can do is resist and fight against it yet I can't help wondering if that's me or just a slip through a crack. Neither of us wanted the relationship to be this complicated to restart or even rekindle but it's hard separating myself. I often feel I'm close but then it slips away from my fingers again and I'm left grasping at air desperately.
"Hey, it's lunchtime Jyn."
"Sorry I was in my head."
"I know and it doesn't seem to be any better today."
"What do you mean?"
"You are still losing whatever you keep fighting against. But if I had to guess you are afraid to accept both are you, and you keep cutting yourself mentally. But it's a part of you so it won't go away, it happened before remember. You told me that."
She was speaking the truth which I was hoping not to admit because I didn't wanna be that person. I wanted to be separated entirely from that terrible person but if I have to accept it's another piece of me. And not just a creation made to keep me safe how do I handle that exactly.
"Hey, enough already. Lunchtime is my free time so stop with the thinking."
"Sorry, how was work?"
"Good but the fliers are getting low. So I'll have to make more tonight it seems. Any more little guys get adopted?"
"Just a few and now mostly the older ones are here but that's okay. Robert said the retirement home part of the construction was near finished. So they will be moved home."
"That's good, everyone needs a home. I think I'll need a vacation soon myself, my body is so tight and tense. Those booms are getting heavier or maybe I'm getting old."
Looking at her smiling like this is contagious and I soon start smiling. If for one night I'm not afraid I wonder if we can reconnect so I can see the truth. If I let go for one night then we can have our answer by morning, it's silly and nearly illogical. But I want to know more than anything who I am honestly.
"Well, you keep spacing, and the foods gone so ill head back. Take care and don't let yourself become too absorbed Jyn."
She didn't reach over to kiss me but it was expected with a look of pain. It's like watching her walk away from me again and it hurts so deeply. My body moves before my brain can catch up and I soon have her pulled back towards me. My actions are fueled by my body this time and everything seems to flow naturally. My lips find hers if only briefly which was more than enough to steal away her breath once more. If something doesn't change I'll lose her for good and all of this suffering will be for nothing.
"If nothing changes between us Cat I'm afraid I'll lose you again... Tonight just you and me we both will just let go. Hopefully, we will have an answer by morning, no regrets."
"Okay, it's a date... I'll see you...
