I opened my eyes, dim light lit up a room filled with sports shirts hung on the walls. I sat up, oddly calm as I examined the foreign room that brought me a sense of calm. Something unsettling loomed over me as the door cracked open, light peering in without a figure to block it. A sigh of almost relief drowned me as a small and lean creature lurked in, a white cat.
A smile snuck across my face even though the feline was unfamiliar. I called it, patting the bed beside me half expecting the cat to listen.
To my surprise the white cat jumped up beside me, its pale blue eyes full of love I didn’t feel I deserved. But the cat seemed to insist I pet it, its fur was soft as I stroked it.
I flinched slightly as the door slowly opened, a small figure running to me squealing, “Aja! Aja!” The young girl jumped onto my bed, I backed away, cowering from her, “My name isn’t Aja…” I corrected her. My head started to ache from the sudden movement, I placed a solid hand on the back of my head where I noticed a wrap around my head.
The girl frowned, “Aja, come play?” I looked back at the girl, “My name isn’t Aja.” I snapped, but when I thought of what my name was I was stopped by a blank wall, empty. As I scowled the girl another figure came into the room, the light flickered on, making me squint.
Once my eyes adjusted an older woman, in her fifties, approached the bed cautiously. Was she scared of me? She pulled the girl off the bed, “Go play with Ben, hun.” The girl pouted but left the room, the cat followed. The lady sat on the end of my bed, her voice slightly raspy but soft, “How do you feel?”
I eyed the woman cautiously, “Who are you?” pain struck in her eyes, I was hit with a sad emotion but didn’t know why. She reached her hand and touched my face. I let her stroke my cheek, a calm sense of security falling over me. But soon confusion overridden it, “Where am I?”
The lady pulled her hand away rather quickly, stroking her own dark hair, “You're in your room.” I looked around the room again, finding it unfamiliar. I looked back at her.
“Who are you?” I repeated. She stared at her hands, “I’m your mother…” The lady had a round yet slim face, hooded eyes and straight black hair. I realized the young girl also had these traits. I felt my face. Slim, high cheekbones unlike her’s. A strong straight nose, and medium black hair that was messy from sleep.
I sat up further, the cool air from the hall gently stroking my tan shoulders and bare chest. I had a slim but muscular body that was unfamiliar yet I was comfortable with. My mind suddenly swirled with emotions of fear and loss, but they were from the past. Something bad happened. I can’t remember.
The woman who claimed to be my mother turned to me, “Do you remember what happened?” I searched for the cause of the fear and loss I felt for a moment, but I was quickly met with the blank wall. I shook my head in response. Her dark eyes became wet from tears that hadn’t fallen yet, “Don’t you remember your name? Me?”
I felt comfortable leaning forward, examining her face. Though her presence calmed me, I couldn’t find any recognition with her face. I shook my head, pulling away from her. She looked down, wiping a few tears, “I was afraid of that…” Her voice trailed off.
She looked up at me, her eyes filled with hurt, “Your name is Ajax Feo, you're sixteen.” This came as a shock to my small size compared to my surroundings. I slowly swung my legs to hang off the bed. My legs felt cool from the air, relieved of its warm cover.
My ‘mother’ stood up, “It’s been weeks since you’ve been released from the hospital…” I suddenly felt self-conscious about my potential odor, “I should take a shower…” A smile hinted across her face, “You did yesterday.”
I looked at her in shock, “I don’t remember that.” I took another glance around the room, “Will I forget again?” The woman walked to the door, “Let’s hope not. Why don’t you come down for some breakfast, you have an appointment today with Dr. Bryann.” With that she left, closing the door behind her.
I stood up and walked to a clothes dresser, I searched through it. I grabbed sweatpants that had a pastel pink color. It intrigued me as well as a small white hoodie that fit me perfectly. After pulling on some socks I walked out of the room.
I looked down both sides of the hall, unsure where to go. Left. I was surprised by the rather confident thought but followed it. It led me to a stairway. Quickly, quickly. Without much hesitation I gently and quickly glided down the stairs in a familiar foot pattern.
Turn. I cornered the stairs, walking against them for a moment before it was only a wall. I walked past a hallway closet. Into the kitchen where my mother and the young girl sat, a boy that looked older than me sat with them.
My mother looked up to me, “Ajax, this is your brother Ben. And this…” She stroked the young girl’s head, “Is Lily.” I nodded, noticing a plate on the counter. I took the plate to a seat next to Ben and started eating. I felt his eyes burning into the side of my head but I didn’t turn to meet them.
After eating I set down my fork, saddened by the silence, “What happened?” I heard Ben slightly choke on his food, uncomfortable with the question. Their. I corrected myself. Our mother took the empty dishes, “An accident had happened after school a month ago…” She trailed off, unsure to continue.
She looked at Lily then to Ben, “Why don’t you walk Lily to school, Ben.” He nodded, understanding the importance and led the girl away. She called back to me, “See you later Aja!” I then looked at the unfamiliar woman who claimed to be my mother, “I felt something… a loss.” She looked up at me surprised, “Do you remember?”
I searched my mind for answers. But instead of coming to a blank wall I remembered something. A figure. It was dark and rainy, the swings swung back and forth. The dark figure was sitting on one, a hood covering their face. In my mind I walked to them, standing in front of them to see their face. Blank. The pale face started to blur, I couldn’t recognize the figure whether it was a girl or boy, long hair or short.
I shook my head, “It was raining? Dark?” Hope shown through my mother’s eyes, “Yes, it was after Track practice.” I tried to remember the memory again but it was gone, like a dream quickly forgotten. Her voice was desperate, “What else do you remember?”
I shook my head, unable to conjure up a memory. The only thing left in my mind was a sense of guilt, loss. Fear. Why was I afraid?
She glanced at the clock that read ‘8:15’ “We better get going. I slipped on a pair of shoes that she said were mine, they were white converses. An annoyed sense drew over me for a moment. How could I remember what things are but not any memories? I shook the dreaded thought, trying to focus back on that figure in the car.
As we drove out of the neighborhood, not too long we passed a school. A highschool sign read, ‘Bourne’s Town High’. I pointed to it, “That’s my school.” It wasn't a question but my mom nodded, “Yes.”

Once we reached Dr. Bryann's office we waited in the rather comfy chairs. My mother had told me to sit in the chair tucked in the corner, I didn’t know why. I placed my hand on my seat next to my thigh. Tear, tear it apart. Panic rose in me, I dug my nails slightly into the already frizzed fabric.
I looked at the already ruined fabric, I felt my hand over it. It seemed somehow familiar as many small things that I did were. Before I could think about my actions the door opened, a man holding a board looked at me, “Ajax Feo.”
I stood up, glancing at my mom before following the man. He led me through what I assumed was an old dentist building. We sat in a room with cozy chairs. A soft rug covered the floor, warm lighting making it look like swirling coffee.
He sat down, “I’m glad to speak with you again.” I sat in the chair across from him, sitting straight so as to not show my insecurity, “I don’t think we’ve met but I’m sure that's why I’m here.” I said coolly.
He nodded, “Let's get started then.” His smile was warm, “Last three times you were here you hadn’t recovered a singular memory and it seems you still are having issues remembering the past days.” I crossed my legs, uncomfortable, “Are you a doctor or a therapist?”
A chuckle rumbled in his chest, amusement caught in his eyes, “I am a trauma therapist as well, but please…” He set his clipboard down, “Do you remember anything? Your mother doesn't want to put you on treatment for memory, so as you could imagine, this will take time.”
I nodded, “I remembered a feeling, many things seem familiar…” I trailed off as he started typing on a desktop that I somehow didn’t notice before. I continued, “I think I remembered part of what happened… it was dark… It was raining I think.” I paused, trying to find missing pieces of the memory, “I was at the playground at school, there was someone else too.”
I looked at him, I couldn’t find any more pieces of the memory, “No one will tell me what happened.” He lowered his laptop, “No one knows exactly what happened, you were found behind the school. You had many injuries.” His tone lightened, “But that’s all I’m authorized to tell you.”

The rest of the day was filled with examining my room, being told what every trophy I had was from. I learned that I was an athletic kid in track. I had a large group of friends, and a girlfriend. When I looked at the screen of my phone, examining the girl, I found no attraction towards her. This saddened my mother, but she just nodded.
That afternoon I was sitting on the couch, playing a game of ‘war’ with Lily. She placed a king of spades down, dominating my queen of diamonds, “Ha!” SHe grabbed the two cards, claiming them as her’s, “I got another one!” I rolled my eyes, a goofy smile across both of our faces.
A knock came from the front door, we both turned to watch as our mom opened it. A group of kids peered in, they were my age. My mom glanced at me and told them something I couldn’t hear.
Once she let them in I recognized them from my camera roll. Two girls, one with long blond hair, the other with dark curls and skin. And four boys, two looked like twins, brown hair and eyes that matched perfectly with one another. One of the other boys had tan skin and hooded eyes. The last one had curly ginger hair and pale skin. I had photos of me and him from when we were very young.
I stood and they gathered around me, all of them seemed cautious and unsure. The blond girl wrapped her arms around me, her voice was excited but saddened, “I missed you so much, baby!” I recognized her from my phone, she was my girlfriend.
She pulled back, probably wondering why I wasn’t hugging her back, “Ajax… you remember me… right?” Her blue eyes were cloudy with tears. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. The ginger boy bent his knees to look me in the eyes, “How much do you remember?”
The playfulness in his eyes made something spark in me. I remembered when we were kids he would always bend down to my level, his eyes challenging yet friendly like now. A specific memory went into play.

I was climbing skillfully up the side of the swingset, it was very long ago. I was looking down at him, ready to jump, “Peta!” I called him and he looked up. I jumped from the metal rod, “Catch me!”

“Peta.” I snapped back to reality, looking into the familiar eyes of my friend. He squinted slightly, “What?” A small smile pinched my cheeks, “Your Peter Jinkings.” I heard everyone in the room gasp with surprise. A goofy smile spread across his face, his arms wrapping around me, “That’s right, buddy!”
After we pulled away from each other I looked to the rest of the group. I made eye contact with each one but no memories came to me of them. I heard the blond girl, my girlfriend, sob slightly, “He doesn't remember us?” Anger flashed in her eyes, but to my surprise I saw no sign of tears, “I want to leave now.”

After they all left, except Peter, me and him sat on the couch. We turned to each other. Peter tapped his chin, “What’s some other things you remember, anything from the accident?” I thought for a moment before answering, “It was night and raining…” I took a breath before continuing, hoping to remember more, “There was another person there, I have a sense that I was meeting with them.”
Peter’s eyes glowed with interest and almost anticipation as I recalled the memory, “A person was on the swing. I can’t remember what they looked like.” My mind fished for the memory, this time it added something. I was hyper focused on a graphic on the sleeve of the person’s hood.
I shook my head, clearing it, “They had a design of a heart with a flag across it reading, ‘What If’.” Peter tilted his head slightly, staring off, “I don’t think I’ve seen it before…” He glanced at the kitchen behind me, “I better be off.” His eyes met mine again, “I’m glad you remember me.”
I nodded and walked to open the door for him. I closed it behind him and from behind me my mom called, “Who was that?” I turned around, “It was Peter, I remembered him.” A smile stretched across my face but my mother’s face became ghost-like, surprise and dread across her face, “You remember him?”
I nodded, confused why she seemed horrified. I quickly changed the subject, “Is it alright if I walk around? Maybe I can remember more.” She nodded slowly, “Take your brother and phone with you.”
After she called Ben, who had gotten home from school not too long ago, we started walking down the street.
I looked around at all the houses as Ben recalled a memory from a neighbor’s house, “Yaknow, at Mr. Trevor’s house we used to spend most of our summer’s in his pool, all the kids in the neighborhood would come and we’d have a grill cooking all types of meat.” I stared at the house he gestured to, it was smaller than our.
I looked away once we passed it, I didn’t remember those summers but instead a feeling of excitement and joy came from the loss of memories.
I looked at Ben, “What was I like?” He glanced at me in surprise, “What do you mean?” I shrugged slightly, “Was I like this? Or was I different?” The side of his mouth creased as if he recalled a bitter memory.
“Well, for starters you hated everyone. You were always angry at something, people, the world.” I was taken aback by this but let him continue, “The only thing you showed any sympathy for was Todd, your cat, and Lily.”
He cleared his throat as if he was about to dump a load of guilt onto me, “You got in fights constantly, but somehow you had great grades. One time you even fought me.” My eyes widened, my chest heavy as I met his gaze, “What did we fight about?”
A chuckle escaped his throat as if he didn’t find it a pressing matter, “It wasn’t about anything I can remember now but… you did give me this scar.” He lifted his lip, showing a ling scar above his teeth that were slightly misplaced. He smiled, “You were a good puncher.”
I stared at the ground as we walked, guilt forming a pit in my stomach. He laughed again, “You were loud, very loud. A lot of your fights were over animals, actually. Whenever anyone kicked, hit, poked, or even looked at an animal wrong you made their ears bleed from a lecture. Either that or you would just punch them enough for their ears to bleed.”
I smiled at the amusement of my old self, so loving I would defend any harmed animal. Suddenly I recalled a memory, it was like it was never lost. I looked at Ben, “I remember… Not too long ago some boys were scowling at feral kittens.” Pain shot through my chest, “They were kicking them… there was broken glass and…” I felt his hand on my shoulder, “No one knew who did it, no one knew you…”
I looked at my hands, scars across my palms, “Did I kill them?” He laughed, shaking his head, “They went to the ER but they are fine, they never knew it was you.” Fear suddenly dawned on me. I would never tell anyone I did try to kill them. I shook the thought, “The kittens still died.”
He nodded, reaching a hand to point in front of us, “That’s our school. Want to go to the playground?” His voice was gentle so as to not trigger me or something. I nodded, excited in fact.

I stood behind the swings that are now dry and empty, the sun reflecting off of the metal. I stared at it, not blankly. Ben stood beside me, silent. My chest was so sore as every memory flooded back to me. Every feeling about everyone I knew was back.
Hate burned in my chest, my fist clenched and my eyes watered. My chest ached as I felt many painful memories flashed under my eyes, my heart hardened from the pain. I gritted my teeth so tight I was sure they would crack.
A hand pressed my shoulder, I looked at the now familiar brother I have spent my whole life with, through hate and love. I forced myself to relax, taking a few breaths, “I… remember…”
Ben looked at me with awe, “What do you remember?” I met his eyes, “Everything.” I sat down on the swings, he soon joined me as I continued, “After track practice Peter told me that Britney, my girlfriend, invited him to the playground to talk.” I looked beside me on the specific swing the figure sat on, “While he was still changing I went ahead like he asked, to see what she wanted.”
It flooded my mind, the rain was soft on my shoulders and hood. The figure’s face was masked but I could see my girlfriend’s eyes clouded with tears as she raised a metal bat, “I found her and… she knocked me out… hard.”
I shook my head slowly, “I don’t know why she wanted to meet up with Peter or why she had the bat…” A voice behind us made us both jump, “You want to know why?” We turned to see Britney glaring under her blond hair.
I stood up, facing her, fist’s clenched as she spoke, “My mother abandoned me with my abusive father, she ran away with a man and gave birth to him.” My blood ran cold, “Peter?” She nodded, “He had it coming, too! The only reason I dated you was to get to him. I wanted him to hurt as bad as I did… so when you showed up instead I thought it was him.”
I gritted my teeth as she continued, “But when he showed up after you…” she started to giggle, her words cut off by her hollow laugh. I took a step towards her, “But he’s fine! We were talking today, he’s…” I turned to look at Ben, his eyes were dull and his eyebrows pointing upright. My eyes widened as he spoke, “Ajax… Peter’s dead.”

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