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NO ME WITHOUT YOU
I Just wanted everything to be over. I wanted to leave the funeral and go to bed,burry myself under the covers where no one could remind me how much losing him hurt.
"Am sorry i can't do this anymore-lindah. Loving you-well ,hinders everything because you mean something to me but it's not enough.It won't ever be enough…
"His last words taunted me,haunted me every other moment of my existence.
It just hurt so bad.
I was dressed in a silk black top , black pants and black boots. I went to the backyard and gazed at the open space .Why? I thought loving him would stop his plans,guess i was wrong and stupid. I could have done something more than being with him,would have convinced him to get help.
I thought he was getting better,getting happier, that being with me made life more bearable. I was deadwrong and my naivety cost a life.
I was so sick of crying,my head hurt and i had a deep hollow feeling in my chest,just an empty terrifying chasm.All gone!
"Lin?" Lucas my bestfriend called out and i turned around without wiping away the rivulets of tears cascading down my cheeks.
He rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms,kissing my hair.
"Shh...it's okay. I know how your feeling baby but i promise you will be alright"He soothed and i burried my face in his chest seeking for comfort in the warmth of his embrace."You have absolutely have no idea how it feels like. It feels like i got my heart ripped out and stomped on. It hurts."I sobbed and he stroked my hair soothing me with his sweet incoherent mumblings.
I pulled away and stared up at his beautiful face with a hopeful gaze."I need to go home" I said almost like a plea, a prayer. He held my hands in his."No one is stopping you,Lin. I will drop you if that's what you really want"He replied gently.
"Its what i want. I cant bear being here anymore" I hiccuped and he nodded solemnly pulling me to his black lamborghini.
The deceased's family shot me accusatory glances while other mourners gave me sympathetic looks.My brother almost came over but my dad prevented him.
I just covered my face in my palms and sobbed my lungs out all the way home. I entered my room and locked behind me and Lucas.
"Is there anything i would do to make you feel better?"He asked,pain etched across his face.
"It just hurts to see you like this"He added in a broken wispher hovering at the door,waiting for me to invite him in.
"Nothing. There's nothing anyone can do "I said with finality in my tone."I just want to rest"I said urgently. Lucas wanted to protest but thought better about it and nodded.
"I understand. Call me if you need ANYTHING"He said with a resigned sigh and shut the door gently behind him.
You would think i got better after a while because time heals all wounds,right? .
I never called him,right from the time he shut the door on me. I stopped existing, i was barely surviving.I stopped making effort to do anything. And no one could bring me back. I was dead. Just an empty shell.
I was breathing but i was mimicking living.They might have well lowered me in the casket with Damien. Because i was gone. `puff´.Nothing. The end of my existance!!
© Spicyminx
"Am sorry i can't do this anymore-lindah. Loving you-well ,hinders everything because you mean something to me but it's not enough.It won't ever be enough…
"His last words taunted me,haunted me every other moment of my existence.
It just hurt so bad.
I was dressed in a silk black top , black pants and black boots. I went to the backyard and gazed at the open space .Why? I thought loving him would stop his plans,guess i was wrong and stupid. I could have done something more than being with him,would have convinced him to get help.
I thought he was getting better,getting happier, that being with me made life more bearable. I was deadwrong and my naivety cost a life.
I was so sick of crying,my head hurt and i had a deep hollow feeling in my chest,just an empty terrifying chasm.All gone!
"Lin?" Lucas my bestfriend called out and i turned around without wiping away the rivulets of tears cascading down my cheeks.
He rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms,kissing my hair.
"Shh...it's okay. I know how your feeling baby but i promise you will be alright"He soothed and i burried my face in his chest seeking for comfort in the warmth of his embrace."You have absolutely have no idea how it feels like. It feels like i got my heart ripped out and stomped on. It hurts."I sobbed and he stroked my hair soothing me with his sweet incoherent mumblings.
I pulled away and stared up at his beautiful face with a hopeful gaze."I need to go home" I said almost like a plea, a prayer. He held my hands in his."No one is stopping you,Lin. I will drop you if that's what you really want"He replied gently.
"Its what i want. I cant bear being here anymore" I hiccuped and he nodded solemnly pulling me to his black lamborghini.
The deceased's family shot me accusatory glances while other mourners gave me sympathetic looks.My brother almost came over but my dad prevented him.
I just covered my face in my palms and sobbed my lungs out all the way home. I entered my room and locked behind me and Lucas.
"Is there anything i would do to make you feel better?"He asked,pain etched across his face.
"It just hurts to see you like this"He added in a broken wispher hovering at the door,waiting for me to invite him in.
"Nothing. There's nothing anyone can do "I said with finality in my tone."I just want to rest"I said urgently. Lucas wanted to protest but thought better about it and nodded.
"I understand. Call me if you need ANYTHING"He said with a resigned sigh and shut the door gently behind him.
You would think i got better after a while because time heals all wounds,right? .
I never called him,right from the time he shut the door on me. I stopped existing, i was barely surviving.I stopped making effort to do anything. And no one could bring me back. I was dead. Just an empty shell.
I was breathing but i was mimicking living.They might have well lowered me in the casket with Damien. Because i was gone. `puff´.Nothing. The end of my existance!!
© Spicyminx
