1 views
Project Nimby
By Cactus Gulch and Emmit Other
The inciting incident is that Ted wandered where he shouldn't have and ceased to be Ted.
So once upon a time, there was a Sapient Cactus who had a cat. Except in this case the Cat was a human. Sure, many sapient everything exists; fungus, humans, animas, posthumans, digital ghosts, digital zombies, all kinds of crap. But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a Sapient Cactus is just named Bob. Granted, the B’s in that name were made from an alphabet that could only be comprehended by an IQ of 3000...
Ted had known where they were going and had strict laws, but he hadn't truly believed that Bob was going to make him go somewhere where humans weren’t welcome. It was literally risking his life. Sure, he had his mind backed up in the galactic archive, but it could be a full 20 Standard Years before he was rebooted if he was snuffed unless Bob paid a great deal of money to get him out and Bob was not pleased about the practice in general.
...but they both basically made a B sound with a slightly discernible fractal orange that required resurrecting the color yellow. The cat, or human in a very large pet carrier, was called Ted; and his name required no special letters at all; just T E and D written in crayon in toilet paper from the rubber room walls.
Cactus Bob had a problem (Please resist the temptation to put special umlaut and apostrophes and shua insignares over the O comrade. It is just a regular O.)
Anywho, Bob’s pet human was not welcome on the planet Metmetmetrion. The entire name being a mockery of the old galactic capital of New New New New York before everyone that wasn't human toppled humans and put them in their place. Everyone considered that place differently, and it was why the high Arthurian dream of a united Galactic Republic was a shattered one. Some wanted humans to be equals, their dainty poodles in purses, or their dinner. The latter was particularly rare since the majority of the galaxy considered this both tacky and the sort of thing they loved to lord over being Not Humans like a clubbed baby seal killed by a nasty human. The planets that let humans be equals were regarded as the trash to the rest of the galaxy.
Anywhere with any culture, any kind of neighborhood where you could raise your kids and not worry about roving gangs of murdery rapey humans or their neglitionary owners ...well, you get the idea. And if you don’t, dont worry about it, because you probably never will. Hi Ted.
No more worries Ted
No more worries Ted
No more worries, no more woes.
Ted, I’m taking you to live on a farm. My farm. No, I know you saw that old human show about humans taking their dogs out to live on a farm when they died and lied to their children about it. But you understand Ted, you understand that this is a special message for you and if you can finish it you get a big big ice cream. Ted, the ice cream is real and you will get it if you can understand the special message.
Cactus farms were widely regarded as the gold standard by the galaxy at large. They had a full biome that allowed complete self sufficiency and a bit more for export as long as the owner was judicious...
The inciting incident is that Ted wandered where he shouldn't have and ceased to be Ted.
So once upon a time, there was a Sapient Cactus who had a cat. Except in this case the Cat was a human. Sure, many sapient everything exists; fungus, humans, animas, posthumans, digital ghosts, digital zombies, all kinds of crap. But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a Sapient Cactus is just named Bob. Granted, the B’s in that name were made from an alphabet that could only be comprehended by an IQ of 3000...
Ted had known where they were going and had strict laws, but he hadn't truly believed that Bob was going to make him go somewhere where humans weren’t welcome. It was literally risking his life. Sure, he had his mind backed up in the galactic archive, but it could be a full 20 Standard Years before he was rebooted if he was snuffed unless Bob paid a great deal of money to get him out and Bob was not pleased about the practice in general.
...but they both basically made a B sound with a slightly discernible fractal orange that required resurrecting the color yellow. The cat, or human in a very large pet carrier, was called Ted; and his name required no special letters at all; just T E and D written in crayon in toilet paper from the rubber room walls.
Cactus Bob had a problem (Please resist the temptation to put special umlaut and apostrophes and shua insignares over the O comrade. It is just a regular O.)
Anywho, Bob’s pet human was not welcome on the planet Metmetmetrion. The entire name being a mockery of the old galactic capital of New New New New York before everyone that wasn't human toppled humans and put them in their place. Everyone considered that place differently, and it was why the high Arthurian dream of a united Galactic Republic was a shattered one. Some wanted humans to be equals, their dainty poodles in purses, or their dinner. The latter was particularly rare since the majority of the galaxy considered this both tacky and the sort of thing they loved to lord over being Not Humans like a clubbed baby seal killed by a nasty human. The planets that let humans be equals were regarded as the trash to the rest of the galaxy.
Anywhere with any culture, any kind of neighborhood where you could raise your kids and not worry about roving gangs of murdery rapey humans or their neglitionary owners ...well, you get the idea. And if you don’t, dont worry about it, because you probably never will. Hi Ted.
No more worries Ted
No more worries Ted
No more worries, no more woes.
Ted, I’m taking you to live on a farm. My farm. No, I know you saw that old human show about humans taking their dogs out to live on a farm when they died and lied to their children about it. But you understand Ted, you understand that this is a special message for you and if you can finish it you get a big big ice cream. Ted, the ice cream is real and you will get it if you can understand the special message.
Cactus farms were widely regarded as the gold standard by the galaxy at large. They had a full biome that allowed complete self sufficiency and a bit more for export as long as the owner was judicious...
