I have feelings for you, my hearts shattered in two,
What's up, where have you been? Maybe at the start I was too keen.
the way I spoke that day was terrible,
it's unbearable,
to lose somebody impeccable, respectable,
I don't know if this will reach you or if I even have the right to pretend to be true, to see you, to meet you, my moods blue,
How are you? Not good. thats what she said to me. Eyes welling, body shaking, hands trembling, remember the time we walked in the rain, tripped fell, nursed the pain.




My mind slips back when somebody walks by with your perfume,
Flash back to the time of the red moon,
Chillin on the bonnet of my car,
ur fingers massaging past a small facial scar,
I love you is what she said to me the first time in a bar.
Drunk, in love, laughing out loud, pictures posted, liked, saved on the cloud.
Instagram post saying never leave me,
Family and friends worried about your mentality,
saying you can't live without me anymore  your a vessel, living all alone in a one bed rental.
You talk about taking your life and they don't believe you, until the day they walked in and Seen you, face blue, lifeless body, it is true, they need you,
but it's too late, my actions have chosen your fate, you left it all on a plate, I apologise I wasn't there the moment you realised life wasn't worth living, I hope you find a better life in heaven thats worth living.



it's the day of your funeral, everybody crying expect me because  I'm immovable, a mixed emotion of hate and anguish, two months ago if somebody told me this id have laughed and said that's outlandish and vanquished anybody so stupid or thoughtless,
I've brought this, on myself, your light heartedness shining bright, my hearts beats tight,
speaking to your mam, resisting the urge to take flight and all they wanted was a note, a reason why, to take away the tears, a reason why you felt these fears, a reason why you did it, a reason why,
just give me a fucking reason why life so was bad, a reason why we couldn't talk or even go for a walk, a reason why I feel like this, a reason why you hated your life, the reason you'll never be my wife.



why did she do it, maybe it was the paranoia that finally blew it.
Maybe it was the tablets she was taking or maybe it was her heart that was shaken.
 The best days we got high and didn't leave the our bed, the small kisses you put on the side of my head.
walking down the road and I see you, all of a sudden I don't feel so blue.
 I run over and turn you around,  but it's just a scared girl lost in the crowd
I stop,  I fall,  I can't go on, but I have to stand up and be strong.
The story of a women in her prime,
a case unsolved , an unpredictable crime.
Left this earth without a word, friends and family confused they follow the herd, all they wanted was a reason why,  a reason for them not to cry. something as simple as a written letter, I dunno maybe it wouldve made them feel better.
© TheDublinPoet