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#4 tea
oh they're defintely mocking him..
those little shining stars are definetly mocking him...
wasn't it enough for his teen years to burn in the physical abuse?
Now his twenties are fading as they start.
It seemed like his thirties are a looming shadow, daunting him
like those stars
looking down at him
"what have you prepared for us?"
a potential so bright yet unreachable.
The real question was what could he do now?
what could he do, when he has used it all? when all roads are blocked?
He couldn't imagine then the magnitude of his actions..
back then as a naive and passionate 19 years old.
when all the doors were open, and all roads were destined to success somehow.
How?..
How?..
..
..How could a simple dinner end with blood in his hands?
how could he have possibly predicted this? or maneuvered his way around this?
he wished hindsight would let him know. The wisdom of which is yet to know.
One thing was clear to him now..he didn't even like to drink. why did he even accept that invite?
a thought that has gnawed deep into his mind, he got tired of entertaining it.
If only 19 year old him had known the fear of risking his career jeopardaised his future. what a hilarious irony..
A single night left him with nothing, not even a single thread of hope.
Then again, hot-blooded, 19 year old him would repeat the same thing, even if he had known the consequence.
If he was honest, in that moment, his hand faltered as the weight of his next move sunk into the depths of his mind.
calculated rage? perhaps..
he scoffs at such an abhorrant thought.
One that made too much sense..
sometimes he scares even himself.
He draws his attention back to the sparkle of the sky..
how can something so beautiful be out of reach?
they were mocking him surely.
a constant reminder of what could've been..
___
On the verge of giving up, as he lazily scrolls through his instagram dms, he skims a bunch of brand deal offers. The legitimacy of most was questionable to him.
Somehow binding himself to social media has freed him from some of the prejudice.
A scout only sees a pretty picture and a decent following, then immediately he has a dozen of dms. Again a bitter reminder of his potential.
Only for them to terminate all contact a week after meeting him. Once they've done their thourough research and decide against the destructive image that he was to every management.
yet, he still goes to most invites. Unless it was an obvious scam. He has been to 25 "interviews" within the span of a year, but to no avail.
Then again who would willingly come to a one-on-one meet after reading
"aspiring young model charged with attempted murder of manager and founder of lyraCo. following an alleged contract a dispute"
This chapter of his life seemed like an aweful joke.
He was just a pitiful doll, floating over waves of absurdity.
'Hi, this is a startup looking for fresh recruits. I came across your account and I like your look. I would like to partner with you. You can look at my page to see the type of fashion I design. I hope to meet you. Please let me know if you're interested. I look forward to hearing from you.'
was this going to be his last attempt? It all depended on how much pride he has left after this meeting..
(to be continued)
© shahrazad
those little shining stars are definetly mocking him...
wasn't it enough for his teen years to burn in the physical abuse?
Now his twenties are fading as they start.
It seemed like his thirties are a looming shadow, daunting him
like those stars
looking down at him
"what have you prepared for us?"
a potential so bright yet unreachable.
The real question was what could he do now?
what could he do, when he has used it all? when all roads are blocked?
He couldn't imagine then the magnitude of his actions..
back then as a naive and passionate 19 years old.
when all the doors were open, and all roads were destined to success somehow.
How?..
How?..
..
..How could a simple dinner end with blood in his hands?
how could he have possibly predicted this? or maneuvered his way around this?
he wished hindsight would let him know. The wisdom of which is yet to know.
One thing was clear to him now..he didn't even like to drink. why did he even accept that invite?
a thought that has gnawed deep into his mind, he got tired of entertaining it.
If only 19 year old him had known the fear of risking his career jeopardaised his future. what a hilarious irony..
A single night left him with nothing, not even a single thread of hope.
Then again, hot-blooded, 19 year old him would repeat the same thing, even if he had known the consequence.
If he was honest, in that moment, his hand faltered as the weight of his next move sunk into the depths of his mind.
calculated rage? perhaps..
he scoffs at such an abhorrant thought.
One that made too much sense..
sometimes he scares even himself.
He draws his attention back to the sparkle of the sky..
how can something so beautiful be out of reach?
they were mocking him surely.
a constant reminder of what could've been..
___
On the verge of giving up, as he lazily scrolls through his instagram dms, he skims a bunch of brand deal offers. The legitimacy of most was questionable to him.
Somehow binding himself to social media has freed him from some of the prejudice.
A scout only sees a pretty picture and a decent following, then immediately he has a dozen of dms. Again a bitter reminder of his potential.
Only for them to terminate all contact a week after meeting him. Once they've done their thourough research and decide against the destructive image that he was to every management.
yet, he still goes to most invites. Unless it was an obvious scam. He has been to 25 "interviews" within the span of a year, but to no avail.
Then again who would willingly come to a one-on-one meet after reading
"aspiring young model charged with attempted murder of manager and founder of lyraCo. following an alleged contract a dispute"
This chapter of his life seemed like an aweful joke.
He was just a pitiful doll, floating over waves of absurdity.
'Hi, this is a startup looking for fresh recruits. I came across your account and I like your look. I would like to partner with you. You can look at my page to see the type of fashion I design. I hope to meet you. Please let me know if you're interested. I look forward to hearing from you.'
was this going to be his last attempt? It all depended on how much pride he has left after this meeting..
(to be continued)
© shahrazad
