I woke up today,

and everyone created an instant splinter in my chest by randomly asking about my having a lover and kids. The fact that I haven't had one yet makes me realize that people have the potential to be political jokers for me.

It hurts me.

People are beginning to cross over my plans and priorities. Midnights became my mornings, drowning myself in wild thoughts about having a lifetime partner and kids to bear.

For many years, looking into the previous generation and how their false parenthood affected society and practical life, I've subconsciously learned to block my ambition to be a parent.

I held onto this premature decision, but at midnight, I'm preoccupied by thoughts and the fear of cooking my own breakfast for a lifetime.

I'm scared.

When I can no longer go to the toilet myself, I'm scared no one will escort me.

I'm scared to be left alone.

And today, I suddenly craved a commitment to raise beautiful souls, and I found myself on the internet auditioning as the best person, trying to impress strangers. But I forgot to think that maybe my real soulmate is not yet born. Or maybe my soulmate is already dead. Or maybe it's wrong that I'm suddenly craving it.

Isn't it terrifying to get the things I don't actually need?



© ubik


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