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Letting Go
#WritcoStoryPrompt60
Was there a point in your life that you wanted to stop, quit, and leave everything behind just to disappear to the point of changing and hiding your identity?
How do you just stop being terrified of getting left behind and ending up by yourself forever and not meaning anything to the world?
There was a time when I wanted to disappear, from my problems, life struggles and everyone who just seems to take me for granted.
But common sense whispered that there was no such thing. No-one ever just disappear, people leave move on or just change. But they never really disappear.
There's always a reason when people go missing, be it intentional or forcibly, and we may never know what those reasons are.
But I have found that there is an inherent spectacle in the matter of change. Feeling disappointed in yourself and others, coping with the fact that life is essentially an up hill struggle, becoming a victim of circumstance, and then ultimately there is the basic matter of loss and grief.
I remembered when my brother passed away, I was devastated, angry and disappointed with life.
Words cannot describe all the pain I felt inside.
To say I was heart broken, would be an understatement. But the emotional trauma was deep, long and hard. During that period, I just wanted to disappear.
And when my relationship failed, I also wondered why everyone wanted someone so badly, I wondered why that someone would come into your life and just has life begin to change, and suddenly have new meaning.
As you gain that feeling of security, picturing that person by your side always.....and then without warning, your dreams suddenly shattered and you're left to fight each round alone, with the feeling you want to disappear.
That's because life doesn't always give us what we want, in fact we are usually faced with the polar opposite.
And so with lessons learnt, I somehow managed to get to a place where I understood that this life consist mostly of letting go of the things you cannot change.
But it's also important to try and fix the things you can, recognising the difference and learning to slowly move on.
Have you ever worry about something so much that it becomes debilitating? But when you finally accept there’s nothing you can do about it, and the choices are taken away, fear suddenly dissolves. You then start to feel you can finally relax and get on with life. Because when you step back into perspective, you realised that challenges and changes are part of life, so we have to accept them and move on.
There have been many paths that I have avoided in life, all because I was too afraid of change, and far too many times I have been content to stop at "close enough" too afraid to push ahead and get out that comfy chair.
Too afraid to let go, too afraid to give up control or be alone, and too afraid of the unknown.
For anyone, to go from a familiar thing, however undesirable, into the unknown, is always a matter for apprehension, and I suppose that is why so many people are afraid of letting go.
Whenever we're afraid, it's because we don't know enough, if we understood enough, we would never be afraid. Althought it takes courage to accept yourself as well as the good and bad life have to offer. And if you cannot change your circumstances, then change your attitude and not your identity, because a change of attitude will not only allow you to see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Because we can often change a situation simply by changing our attitude towards it.
Besides, I have learnt that changing your name and location doesn't change who you are as a person. Your voice is your identity, so if you don’t use it, then it doesn't matter where you go or what name you call yourself, you will never have an identity.
Because your voice is your tool and represents who you are. So try to use the power of your words in the direction of truth and love.
And even if you're feeling really, really scared, never let on that you are.
That's how I have learnt how to overcome the fear of losing and the fear of changing. But I'm still learning how to let go of what is leaving and welcoming what is coming.
Because in the end, all that will be left of us are our possessions. Maybe, that's the reason why I've never been able to throw away most things.
But it's a work in progress, as a matter of fact this is a very small part of some mental labour.
As I am becoming more open to losing things and people, it's obvious that some people have to leave your life because their very presence prevents, perverts & distorts your purpose.
So don't be afraid to let go, because life can be tragic and sucked you down to the bones, removing all your spontaneity your laughter and freedom, leaving you wishing you could just varnished, and disappear.
But to disappear is to pass into an enigmatic state which is neither life nor death.
And I now know that I would never want that to happen to me, because whatever happens, life is something too precious to give up on too easily. I have found that it's better to let go than wishing to disappear..... because disappearing is not as you'd expect it to be. Cause, pretty soon your mind will vanished away and when your mind disappear, you'll disappear also, so it make sense to be strong and courageous, to seek new paths. And to live each day as if it was your very last.!!
#writcoapp
#writcocommunity
© Nicole 🍒 JoMoRo
Was there a point in your life that you wanted to stop, quit, and leave everything behind just to disappear to the point of changing and hiding your identity?
How do you just stop being terrified of getting left behind and ending up by yourself forever and not meaning anything to the world?
There was a time when I wanted to disappear, from my problems, life struggles and everyone who just seems to take me for granted.
But common sense whispered that there was no such thing. No-one ever just disappear, people leave move on or just change. But they never really disappear.
There's always a reason when people go missing, be it intentional or forcibly, and we may never know what those reasons are.
But I have found that there is an inherent spectacle in the matter of change. Feeling disappointed in yourself and others, coping with the fact that life is essentially an up hill struggle, becoming a victim of circumstance, and then ultimately there is the basic matter of loss and grief.
I remembered when my brother passed away, I was devastated, angry and disappointed with life.
Words cannot describe all the pain I felt inside.
To say I was heart broken, would be an understatement. But the emotional trauma was deep, long and hard. During that period, I just wanted to disappear.
And when my relationship failed, I also wondered why everyone wanted someone so badly, I wondered why that someone would come into your life and just has life begin to change, and suddenly have new meaning.
As you gain that feeling of security, picturing that person by your side always.....and then without warning, your dreams suddenly shattered and you're left to fight each round alone, with the feeling you want to disappear.
That's because life doesn't always give us what we want, in fact we are usually faced with the polar opposite.
And so with lessons learnt, I somehow managed to get to a place where I understood that this life consist mostly of letting go of the things you cannot change.
But it's also important to try and fix the things you can, recognising the difference and learning to slowly move on.
Have you ever worry about something so much that it becomes debilitating? But when you finally accept there’s nothing you can do about it, and the choices are taken away, fear suddenly dissolves. You then start to feel you can finally relax and get on with life. Because when you step back into perspective, you realised that challenges and changes are part of life, so we have to accept them and move on.
There have been many paths that I have avoided in life, all because I was too afraid of change, and far too many times I have been content to stop at "close enough" too afraid to push ahead and get out that comfy chair.
Too afraid to let go, too afraid to give up control or be alone, and too afraid of the unknown.
For anyone, to go from a familiar thing, however undesirable, into the unknown, is always a matter for apprehension, and I suppose that is why so many people are afraid of letting go.
Whenever we're afraid, it's because we don't know enough, if we understood enough, we would never be afraid. Althought it takes courage to accept yourself as well as the good and bad life have to offer. And if you cannot change your circumstances, then change your attitude and not your identity, because a change of attitude will not only allow you to see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Because we can often change a situation simply by changing our attitude towards it.
Besides, I have learnt that changing your name and location doesn't change who you are as a person. Your voice is your identity, so if you don’t use it, then it doesn't matter where you go or what name you call yourself, you will never have an identity.
Because your voice is your tool and represents who you are. So try to use the power of your words in the direction of truth and love.
And even if you're feeling really, really scared, never let on that you are.
That's how I have learnt how to overcome the fear of losing and the fear of changing. But I'm still learning how to let go of what is leaving and welcoming what is coming.
Because in the end, all that will be left of us are our possessions. Maybe, that's the reason why I've never been able to throw away most things.
But it's a work in progress, as a matter of fact this is a very small part of some mental labour.
As I am becoming more open to losing things and people, it's obvious that some people have to leave your life because their very presence prevents, perverts & distorts your purpose.
So don't be afraid to let go, because life can be tragic and sucked you down to the bones, removing all your spontaneity your laughter and freedom, leaving you wishing you could just varnished, and disappear.
But to disappear is to pass into an enigmatic state which is neither life nor death.
And I now know that I would never want that to happen to me, because whatever happens, life is something too precious to give up on too easily. I have found that it's better to let go than wishing to disappear..... because disappearing is not as you'd expect it to be. Cause, pretty soon your mind will vanished away and when your mind disappear, you'll disappear also, so it make sense to be strong and courageous, to seek new paths. And to live each day as if it was your very last.!!
#writcoapp
#writcocommunity
© Nicole 🍒 JoMoRo
