Swapnanil

"So today's topic is love." Akki declared.
"LOVE?? NO NO, well I do like her or at least that's what I think, I don't kno-"
"What are you so afraid of, just spill it."
"Well you see.., there this girl that I have.. um, let's say a kind of weird feeling, yeah 'weird' is best word. I don't know it's just my heart pounds faster when I see her, I get froze, my boold stop flowing, I- I feel suffocated yet I can't help but feel drawn toward her," I glanced at akki she is looking directly at my eyes consuming my every words.
"I had dated girls before, plenty actually. but none picked my interest the way she does, I never feared my own feelings this much before." I sighed then smiled as I suddenly thought of Prema, the girl who is playing with my heart without even knowing.
"WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF" she repeated again, curiosity raging her eyes. Akki thinks no girl would reject me, she thinks I'm full of confidence. But that's not true, I'm actually very scared, scared that I won't live up their expectations.
"what if she doesn't like me back, I don't know what to do. what if I start dating then I feel I don't actually like her, what if I hurt her, I don't know what this is, I'm so confused akki."
"Well, you should be. I mean no one is ever certain of anything. And there no book either, where we can learn what to feel, when to feel, how to feel or for whom to feel." She said with her calm voice as she tilted her head toward the sky. Then she closed her eyes and started saying..
"You see, when I'm around him I feel free, yet so captivated. I know I can't have him but I still chase. I feel so many things when he is around, I don't know what this feelings are but I named them love."
Although I want to ask her who is this guy she is talking about, yet I asked "how did you know it's 'love', then?"
"I don't know, one day I felt it, inside me something, something I don't know what and I somehow decided it's love. I might be right, might be wrong. But who cares, as long as I think I love him that only matters." She gave me a faint smile.
"What should I say her then, that I don't know what I feel but I want her to talk only to me, smile only to me, look only at me until I decide whether I love her or not?"
"No you don't have tell her anything, to be honest I truly feel that love can't be described. all of this my hypothesis, of course. but that's what I think."
"So what to do? I mean I want her to know."
"let her know then, I told you that you don't have to say but you can show her. Show her what you're feeling, keep you heart on open to her, don't hide it. Words simply can't comply your feelings, show her, with your every movement, every breath that you love her. You don't have to say anything just Pour your feelings in your every movement. Let her know all the feelings you have for her. Then let her and the time decide whether it's love or not."
"But what I--, what if she doesn't likes me what if she thinks I'm weird."
"Swapnanil!!" she grabbed my shoulders and gave them a tight squeeze, "if you truly like her then she has every right to know that and it's also her decision to like you back or not, you can't be more good, more special. you can love her swapnanil, but it's up to her to love you or not and you have to respect that decision. But just cuz some one person don't like you that doesn't makes you any less special or unlovable.
"Mhmm" I nodded, I know what she means and it seems like she knows it well, the pain to be not loved back.
She grabbed my hand and pulled me up, just like the day I pulled her out of that gloomy library, "go, get your girl"
I wanted to say thanks but she suddenly pushed me toward the exit. I don't know why but her face looked awfully broken. I clutched her hand tighter, something telling me not to go.
Then she spoke while freeing her hands from mine "if you don't go now, I will never let you go." She chuckled.
I left , carrying two feelings on my heart.
One is excitement to see prema, the girl I love.
Other one is a heavy wedging feeling something I can't name, which I felt toward akki.



Continued in next part..
© Night owl