how can u say u know how I feel, if u ain't even listened to how I feel, how can u claim I'm imagining being alone , like I am blind like what I see when I look around, aint empty chairs and invisible faces, cos I ain't seeing anybody, I'm alone, when my tears fall, no one is there to help me burryy sorrow, I am digging those holes on my own, I am facing my demons on my own, please don't tell me u know what I've been through and act like it's about u cos THIS TIME IT ISN'T AND IT WON'T BE, if someone is there for u, you would know it they wouldn't have to say it out loud, to feel they are doing right, cos what their actions provide is more then the withered lies, I take pride in my relationships I put in all and generally work out I'm stupid so after 17years of being nobody to ppl I thought was a somebody, will I final learn my lesson and find that strength to let go of this anger will I lose this taste, couldn't live give me something a little sweeter I'm sick of life tasting so bitter, I miss us, I miss you, u don't miss me, ur mr-fued if it wasn't for me would u even have the strength to live today honestly, this is the shit u may have to find answers to ur self, when ur alone u will be asking ur self questions and when ur with others probably justification would be ur first action, justify why u are this way to me try to make a reason as to why u ain't here for me and try to push the blame cos u looking like a bad guy latley but that's ON YOU your actions have created ur label ur priorities the way u treat ur family creates the label for u I NEVER DID ALL I HAVE DONE IS STICK UP FOR U AND MKAE EXCUSES FOR U I have been another you teamed up against me and I wonder why I am losing so bad latley , but todays realisation has cost me more then u will see more then anyone can see I have taken pride in not sleeping around I have taken pride in not giving it up I have taken pride with knowing when shit goes down even when I am intoxicated but apparently not no more, what would u do if in my shoes just try to imagine please just for a second it's now now keep the sadness to a minimum of this year or this will go back just over five years , so it's November now and u in a hotel with ur 7 kids emergency accomadation smashing out all u can to keep ur kids dojg all the requirements u need to, this is cos since Sept 9th u been homeless couch surfing and now hotel since October now in April ur aunty died from her fastlived life choices, #FuckCiggarettes a month later if ur luckyone of ur girls goes to hospital 3 days later dies rules as unkonw but I know she committed with panadol they just can't prove if it was gradual or one hit Fri in hospit high blood pressure the sat flown to flinders hospital Sunday plasma transfusion Monday liver failed then kidneys then declared brain dead ✝️tag-a-long 30yrs young our first pregnancies together and those two are close as Fuck u would be proud of our two criddle I miss u girl 💯 now it's Friday October 21st ur told that one of ur friends is found dead on Wednesday the 19th found in an abandoned building, now it's November 11th in 8 days is my brother in law's birthday he been gone for 5years since he hung himself on Tuesday march the 12 2018 ( and I still don't know what's happened to my Heidi was she murdered did she Commit suicide I need closure) following my brother in law's death was no funWednesday the 13th again I am alone holding shit down on m own, but still u was in jail, and what I didn't see then and I guess cos I was the only option u had and knew I was staying true holding u down holding us down got us off the street a family car all for u to come out 3 years later and say it ain't enough and u gone from calling me every hour the day ant left just to know I was ok shit u even prayed for me and my family with ur jail friends in church, but now u don't give a Fuck I am so mentally unstable right now I been scared and alone I have messaged suicide help line til I fall asleep just to not leave my kids with no one but then the other day I was emotionally and medicinally drinking for a tooth ache and all this pain I can't fathom, I last remember speakingto hotel manager then I woke up in hospital with a lump on my head I knew I could t have done on my own but still keps it to myself and just started thinking about what I couldn't remember, then I go in my phone and a man's face is there and he has me and I disappeared for an hour an a half and found only 6mins from my hotel idk what's happened to me I don't remember anything. now police have come thanks to u for making that call I know I could not have, but even tho u made that call u call me from hotel carpark to tell me when I am trying to open up to u ur cutting me off and tryinft o push me off the phone and then not even five minutes later I go to the bins and u get m attention I go to ur car and u tell me I should go acting all antsy about something and then thin I should understand u want to smash this guy and that's how ur showing u care cos ur wanting to release some anger and I am meant to ignore the fact I haven't spoken to anyone about it except police cos my friend isn't avail til tomorrow and the others don't reply unless It can benefit them, u said a cpupld times u care in between ur bitching at me and telling me about how ur gunna hurt him and I'm glad u are releasing ur emotions about it but I am not gunna be the bad guy here because I refuse to feel bad for ur situation which ain't even ur situation it's mine and if u cared about me u would be WITH ME making sure I know I ain't alone in this but as my cover pic will prove I am ON MY MOTHER FUCKIIN OWN my pride may have been stolen and I am meant to feel bad that I can't accept ur words cos it ain't maxth ur actions nor ur priorities... NAH MAN NOT THIS TIME... I feel myself fading idk 😶
© sandiiRsalt