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An Encounter Srory
Diary Entry : 6 May, 2020
2 years back on this day, I was diagnosed with Anthropophobia.
At first, I thought that it's just me imagining things. But when I started distancing my own family, I knew something is wrong. And when I got myself checked up, they discovered that I was in second stage of Anthropophobia.
Although the seeds were already being spread since my childhood, three specific incidents pushed me straight into stage 2.
Being a sensitive child, it was already very hard to accept harsh comments or reactions when all I ever did was being polite and obedient, but when serious trust issues started to appear in my family about me, I was devastated.
The person I loved, being a normal human being, had a few flaws. But those flaws, coldness, lookind down upon, were not acceptable to me.
And then two of my close friends tried to get more close to me, simply out of care, but that was totally trespassing my privacy.
So all this helped me land in a psychiatric department, as I didn't want anyone to be near me. I wanted to be absolutely alone.
My doctors told me that I was already nearing stage 3.
So my treatment got started.
Since it was a psychiatric case, we hid it from everyone else.
I broke up, without giving any explanations and blocked all my friends forever.
Although my doctors insisted me to involve some of my friends also in my treatment, but I straightly rejected, because I wanted to leave everything and everyone else behind and start a new life.
So it was just me, my doctor and my family,whom at that time I was bearing somehow.
After 8 months of the treatment, my doctor took into consideration my wish of moving to a different country for the time being, and they proposed this to my family.
After a few days of thought process, my family, who earlier never allowed me to go even for evening morning walks, agreed. And then I, with my sister Sara, flew here, to Japan.
Now it's been a year since I am living here. Sara's enrolled in a university here and I am enjoying a dance class, a Japanese language class and two part time jobs. It's very peaceful here.
Now I feel that it was the right decision. I have a couple of friends-but-not-friends here. I do a weekly video call to my family also. Things are slowly getting better.
I am really thankful for being here.
Next day at a cafe where Emily works.
Customer : KORE WA IKURADESU KA? (how much is this?)
Emily : GOHYAKU YONJUU-YEN (540 yen)
Customer : MOTTE KIMASU (I'll have one)
Emily hands over the milkshake to the lady.
Emily : MAMAARIGATO! (thank you mam!)
The customer smiles and then leaves.
A few minutes later Emily's fellow employee asks her to give a coffee to table no. 4.
Himari : Emily! Table 4.This.(speaks in broken English)
Emily : HAAI ! ( yes!)
Smiles and takes the coffee to the table.
Emily : ANATA NO KO-HI-MAMU! (your coffee mam)
Lady : AAH ARIGATO.... (was saying thank you)
Looks at Emily and is surprised.
Emily sees the lady's face and is taken aback.
Lady : Emily!
Emily : Oh... Oh... Hi... Li.sa.
The lady turns out to be one of Emily's past close friends whom she had blocked forever.
Lisa : Please have seat. How are you! Where were you all these years? No contact.. Nothing! And why are you here?
Emily waves her hand to Himari.
Emily : Himari! MODOTTE KIMASU! (I'll be back)
and sits down with Lisa. Her heart was racing fiercely.
Emily : Well... Sara had to move here for her studies, so I came here with her.
Lisa : But you didn't even contact any one of us before leaving!
Emily : Oh yes Well.. It was all decided at the eleventh hour. I got no time for anything else.
Keeps on flashing fake smile.
Emily : Wh.. What brings you here?
Lisa : I am on an international educational tour with my university students. It's very beautiful here. And I'm so happy to find you here! I think you can help us a lot here. Let's meet tomorrow!
This whole time Emily was secretly sending message to Himari :
'SUGU NI KURU TAME NI WATASHI NI DENWA SHITE KUDASAI'
(call me to come quickly)
Emily : Oh.. well.. Let's see.
Himari reads the text and waves to Emily.
Himari : Emily! KOKO NI KITE! (come here)
Emily : Oh HAAI.! (oh yes!)
Emily : I am sorry, I have to go Lisa.
Lisa : No problem. I'll see you tomorrow. Here's my contact number.
Hands Emily her contact information.
Emily : Ah... Yes.. Okay... Bye!
Quickly runs to Himari.
Emily : ARIGATO Himari ! ARIGATO!
Totally breathless and was panting.
Himari : You.. Ok? Emily?
Emily : HAAI... HAAI. (yes.. yes)
Himari : Go. Rest.
Emily : HAAI...ARIGATO(yes...thank you)
And goes inside the kitchen and sits down in a corner.
The same evening at Emily's home.
Diary Entry : 7 May, 2020.
Why does it feel like this? I feel like I am about to die. Why is this happening? I just wanted to live peacefully! Why are You giving me those traumas again! You and only You know that I can't handle it. You and only You know how much I suffer. Still You are doing this to me! When I was finally going to calm down, You threw all this upon me!
Why!!! Where should I go now!!!
Keeps on crying for hours.
Sara returns home after some time.
Sara : I am home Emma!
After a few minutes.
Sara : Emma? Emily?
Goes to Emily's room and finds her passed out on the floor.
She calls her friends and they take her to the hospital,where the doctor says that she was overstressed.
Emily remains in the hospital for 2 days and meanwhile she calls Himari.
Emily : MOSHI MOSHI (hello)
Himari : Aah Emily! OGENKIDESUKA?! (how are you?)
Emily : WATASHI WA GENKIDESU. (I am fine.)
Himari : KYO KONAI NO? (are you not coming today?)
Emily : No. WATSHI WA JISSAI NI WA SUKOSHI BYOKIDESU.( I am actually a little sick.)
Himari : O! DAIJOBUDES! ODAIJINI! (oh it's alright. Take care of yourself.)
Emily : HAAI... ARIGATO Himari.
SOSHITE, KINO NO ON'NANOKO GA WATASHI NI TAZUNE NI KITARA, WATASHI WA KONAI KOTO O KANOJO NI TSUTAITE KUDASAI. MATA, WATASHI NO JUSHO YA BANGO MO OAHIENAIDE KUDASAI.
(And If the girl from yesterday comes to ask for me, tell her that I am not coming. And don't give her my address or number also.)
Himari : OK. But Why? She good no? (is asking if she is a nice person or not?
Emily : NO... KANOJO WA TOTEMO I-JINDESU.
YOKUNAI NO WA WATASHIDESU.
KANOJO NO TAMEDE WA ARIMASEN. SORERA NO DARENOTAMENI MO.
(no, she is a very nice person.
It's me who's not good.
Not good for her. Not good for anyone else.)
The End
- bani745
2 years back on this day, I was diagnosed with Anthropophobia.
At first, I thought that it's just me imagining things. But when I started distancing my own family, I knew something is wrong. And when I got myself checked up, they discovered that I was in second stage of Anthropophobia.
Although the seeds were already being spread since my childhood, three specific incidents pushed me straight into stage 2.
Being a sensitive child, it was already very hard to accept harsh comments or reactions when all I ever did was being polite and obedient, but when serious trust issues started to appear in my family about me, I was devastated.
The person I loved, being a normal human being, had a few flaws. But those flaws, coldness, lookind down upon, were not acceptable to me.
And then two of my close friends tried to get more close to me, simply out of care, but that was totally trespassing my privacy.
So all this helped me land in a psychiatric department, as I didn't want anyone to be near me. I wanted to be absolutely alone.
My doctors told me that I was already nearing stage 3.
So my treatment got started.
Since it was a psychiatric case, we hid it from everyone else.
I broke up, without giving any explanations and blocked all my friends forever.
Although my doctors insisted me to involve some of my friends also in my treatment, but I straightly rejected, because I wanted to leave everything and everyone else behind and start a new life.
So it was just me, my doctor and my family,whom at that time I was bearing somehow.
After 8 months of the treatment, my doctor took into consideration my wish of moving to a different country for the time being, and they proposed this to my family.
After a few days of thought process, my family, who earlier never allowed me to go even for evening morning walks, agreed. And then I, with my sister Sara, flew here, to Japan.
Now it's been a year since I am living here. Sara's enrolled in a university here and I am enjoying a dance class, a Japanese language class and two part time jobs. It's very peaceful here.
Now I feel that it was the right decision. I have a couple of friends-but-not-friends here. I do a weekly video call to my family also. Things are slowly getting better.
I am really thankful for being here.
Next day at a cafe where Emily works.
Customer : KORE WA IKURADESU KA? (how much is this?)
Emily : GOHYAKU YONJUU-YEN (540 yen)
Customer : MOTTE KIMASU (I'll have one)
Emily hands over the milkshake to the lady.
Emily : MAMAARIGATO! (thank you mam!)
The customer smiles and then leaves.
A few minutes later Emily's fellow employee asks her to give a coffee to table no. 4.
Himari : Emily! Table 4.This.(speaks in broken English)
Emily : HAAI ! ( yes!)
Smiles and takes the coffee to the table.
Emily : ANATA NO KO-HI-MAMU! (your coffee mam)
Lady : AAH ARIGATO.... (was saying thank you)
Looks at Emily and is surprised.
Emily sees the lady's face and is taken aback.
Lady : Emily!
Emily : Oh... Oh... Hi... Li.sa.
The lady turns out to be one of Emily's past close friends whom she had blocked forever.
Lisa : Please have seat. How are you! Where were you all these years? No contact.. Nothing! And why are you here?
Emily waves her hand to Himari.
Emily : Himari! MODOTTE KIMASU! (I'll be back)
and sits down with Lisa. Her heart was racing fiercely.
Emily : Well... Sara had to move here for her studies, so I came here with her.
Lisa : But you didn't even contact any one of us before leaving!
Emily : Oh yes Well.. It was all decided at the eleventh hour. I got no time for anything else.
Keeps on flashing fake smile.
Emily : Wh.. What brings you here?
Lisa : I am on an international educational tour with my university students. It's very beautiful here. And I'm so happy to find you here! I think you can help us a lot here. Let's meet tomorrow!
This whole time Emily was secretly sending message to Himari :
'SUGU NI KURU TAME NI WATASHI NI DENWA SHITE KUDASAI'
(call me to come quickly)
Emily : Oh.. well.. Let's see.
Himari reads the text and waves to Emily.
Himari : Emily! KOKO NI KITE! (come here)
Emily : Oh HAAI.! (oh yes!)
Emily : I am sorry, I have to go Lisa.
Lisa : No problem. I'll see you tomorrow. Here's my contact number.
Hands Emily her contact information.
Emily : Ah... Yes.. Okay... Bye!
Quickly runs to Himari.
Emily : ARIGATO Himari ! ARIGATO!
Totally breathless and was panting.
Himari : You.. Ok? Emily?
Emily : HAAI... HAAI. (yes.. yes)
Himari : Go. Rest.
Emily : HAAI...ARIGATO(yes...thank you)
And goes inside the kitchen and sits down in a corner.
The same evening at Emily's home.
Diary Entry : 7 May, 2020.
Why does it feel like this? I feel like I am about to die. Why is this happening? I just wanted to live peacefully! Why are You giving me those traumas again! You and only You know that I can't handle it. You and only You know how much I suffer. Still You are doing this to me! When I was finally going to calm down, You threw all this upon me!
Why!!! Where should I go now!!!
Keeps on crying for hours.
Sara returns home after some time.
Sara : I am home Emma!
After a few minutes.
Sara : Emma? Emily?
Goes to Emily's room and finds her passed out on the floor.
She calls her friends and they take her to the hospital,where the doctor says that she was overstressed.
Emily remains in the hospital for 2 days and meanwhile she calls Himari.
Emily : MOSHI MOSHI (hello)
Himari : Aah Emily! OGENKIDESUKA?! (how are you?)
Emily : WATASHI WA GENKIDESU. (I am fine.)
Himari : KYO KONAI NO? (are you not coming today?)
Emily : No. WATSHI WA JISSAI NI WA SUKOSHI BYOKIDESU.( I am actually a little sick.)
Himari : O! DAIJOBUDES! ODAIJINI! (oh it's alright. Take care of yourself.)
Emily : HAAI... ARIGATO Himari.
SOSHITE, KINO NO ON'NANOKO GA WATASHI NI TAZUNE NI KITARA, WATASHI WA KONAI KOTO O KANOJO NI TSUTAITE KUDASAI. MATA, WATASHI NO JUSHO YA BANGO MO OAHIENAIDE KUDASAI.
(And If the girl from yesterday comes to ask for me, tell her that I am not coming. And don't give her my address or number also.)
Himari : OK. But Why? She good no? (is asking if she is a nice person or not?
Emily : NO... KANOJO WA TOTEMO I-JINDESU.
YOKUNAI NO WA WATASHIDESU.
KANOJO NO TAMEDE WA ARIMASEN. SORERA NO DARENOTAMENI MO.
(no, she is a very nice person.
It's me who's not good.
Not good for her. Not good for anyone else.)
The End
- bani745
