It was so terrible when I held that knife and was ready to cut myself.

“This is the only option left.” I said. It was all drowning on me. All I wanted to do was to end it. I had so many options of killing myself; I could name them. But on the second thought, I couldn’t do that. Maybe, I wasn’t ready to do it.

I sat on the ground with my face lay on my knees. I was sucked in tears; It was really terrible looking at myself like that. That day was the “hardest” moment in my life. Battling between living and leaving.

But, It was all drowning hard on me; and I had many options to take my life, but my fears were overwhelming.

“Why me?” I uttered. I kept mumbling words to myself. So many questions became my distractions. Then, I dropped the knife( I feel terrible thinking about that moment now).

It could had been worst, but I lay low. I cried till I couldn’t feel those tears running down my cheeks. Life is cruel. I couldn’t do more, I just lay low cursing the world, blaming my maker and my parents. The thought of hurting myself was so terrible, yet, I just wanted to end those pains. I had questions but I couldn’t ask. I was filled with hatred. Bitterness. Self-pity. Blames.

I lay low and slept off. The next time I woke up, I was surrounded by my family. I could heard them chattering and their laughter filled the air. I cried. I shouldn’t have thought of it at first, but I was scared of what next I will hear( the jokes, the mockery, the discrimination, the intimidation).

Words are beast. I couldn’t control my emotions. I couldn’t stay away from them. Even though, I did, for how long would I hide from those things? It was all drowning on me; I had many options, but GRACE saved me.

I don’t know what you are passing through right now. I know, you have made up your mind to do it. I know you have many options. I know you are drowning in the ocean of death. I know you have prepared everything and waiting for the D-Day.

I know how relentless they are in the pursuit of your life. I know how hard you work to hide it all. Those pretense you wear. Those smiles and laughter on your face, and those demons you have to fight every day.I know you are exhausted from those fights. I know right now, you rather leave than live. I know you are feeling terrible. I know how it feels to be battered, hated, mocked or face the worst of it all.

But at the end of every tunnel, there is always a brighter light that is so beautiful to look at. Hang on love. Stick around. Stay. Trust me, it will always get better, always.

There are more to life than living in pain.There is a place I know, that is filled with possibility. Hope. Love. Not giving up. The sweetest of life where you can get a free ride and see the stars.There is someone I know, that gives peace, love, beautiful life, sweetest thing you can have in this life.

He has never failed and will never do. He knows our story, why not talk to him? He is always near. He is always ready to help. Just a word and your soul shall be healed.

Those pains, one day, will be your own story of encouraging someone to be strong. You are a chapter that someone wants to read. Please, don’t erase it. Don’t stop writing. It will always get better.Just think of what you will do in the future.

The people you will meet. Places you will go. The contract you will sign. The billion-dollar-deal business you will close. It will only happen if you stick around.

It was all drowning on me, but I couldn’t do it and now, I have the happiest life one could imagine.If it is hard for you to do so, talk to someone that understands you and ask God for peace.

HE IS THE ONLY SOLUTION TO OUR MISERY.


#suicidestory #selflove #ourstory #keepliving #dontgiveup #iamthebestversionofme.


© eve