Last story I introduced myself this story you'll learn a little more about me. Growing up i had to make the best of situations I was put in and it wasn't always easy. My mom left when I was 15 months old my bio dad and my maternal grandparents and paternal grandparents all took care of me, So I bounced around a lot. For a while it was just my dad and his wife who took care of me cause my dad and my maternal grandmother were at odds. My maternal grandparents fought tooth and nail to see me again, Eventually of course they were cause from about 5 to 8 my dad managed to screw things up. His wife and him had split cause he found a woman that knew how to "obey" him which was different than that of his wife who wore the pants. This new woman of course had 2 children of her own so went from a step mom and a step brother and half sister to a step mom and 2 step brothers. I of course got to still see my other step brother cause I mean in my eyes he was just my brother and I got to see my sister. It was all fine and dandy for the first few months but all good things must come to an end, because my dad and his wife split and he was now with a spineless creature i lost my dad. I say lost cause he was a great dad when I was little he worked hard and still had time to come home help with homework play games teach me to ride a bike and get rid of the monsters under the bed. After this new chick he became the monster eventually i went from being naturally happy to faking a smile when teachers asked how I was doing making sure the bruises on my arms were easily explained and not having many friends. Faking a smile grew easier after a few years so when he began to rape me it became easy to hide how much I wanted to just not exist. I even dressed like a boy so guys wouldn't notice me but eventually I couldn't hide it. My body began to mature more and more as I got older boobs and a butt like I needed that. The more boys noticed me the more beatings I got and eventually he made sure I never wanted to be touched by anyone. I kept a smile on my face though till I couldn't he found me twice and I got a beating each time I tried to kill myself. After 11 he sent me to my maternal grandparents by then I was too damaged and could fake a smile at a funeral literally. For my 12th birthday I had found out one of my little brother's had a brain tumor he was 8 my mom had forgot my birthday cause she was stressed and worried about him. My grandmother had took me to Texas to get my other brother cause he was a handful and my mom couldn't manage him, my sick brother and my little sister all at once. While there we were supposed to celebrate my birthday but everyone it seemed had forgotten but some kids who my mom called my cousins not by blood of course our moms had been friends for years but anyway they were over asked if I've ever drank liquor before I said no but its my birthday. Me being 12 my brother 10 and them 13 and 14 and completely unsupervised we all got wasted and I made out with one and was about to actually have sex with this boy I had just met and I was drunk. My mom caught us before anything happened of course and she yelled at him for taking advantage of me, he was a trouble maker and 2 years older so my mom blamed him, but I kissed him and being on top of him in a skirt was my idea. I was mad at her for forgetting my birthday and not really being there so I acted out. She had asked me what I was thinking and of course I smiled and said I'm sorry I wasn't thinking she forgot about it, till the next year and a half when the family got called to go back to Texas. My grandmother had received a phone call my now 9 year old brother was going to die. The brain tumor grew and it was inoperable.....I'm the oldest and the oldest isn't supposed to out live the younger siblings my world began to fall apart again. My 9 year old always happy and funny energetic baby brother was going to die and I couldn't help him i couldn't take his pain away all I could do was smile cause he was in a better place no longer in pain. Jeremy was autistic I didn't mention that my beautiful baby brother who lost his life was autistic but man he could light up a room full of sad people. I didn't cry not at the hospital when he took his last breath or at his funeral made my mom mad she thought i was being disrespectful. I had no more tears though not even for him and not for my paternal grandmother who had passed a away a few months later. That year turned 13 I decided after my birthday party to tell my best friend my darkest secret. She told her mom who told my grandma which opened pandoras box. After my secret about my dad came out I had to fake the biggest smile that screamed I'm not a victim I'm a survivor and I won't let what happened define me. It did though cause once people knew what he did they all saw me different the smile I faked everyone saw through it now........To be continued.