I think, I was 2 years old when I first saw her. Hiding behind my Mummy holding her saree tightly, I was peeping out at our guests. A young boy and his sister with a trunk in their hands. My Mom gently got me out and introduced me to them. Boy was Agnu Bhaiya and his sister, Santoshi Didi. I don't remember Agnu bhaiya's age, but I think Santoshi Didi must be some 10-11 years old. Mummy told me, they will stay with us and they will take care of me.
My Mother is a Doctor and Father a Mining Engineer.

This story is from small places in Chattisgarh (a state in India), where my parents were working. Due to their work, my parents used to stay out most of the time, even at night hours at times. So, they needed someone to be with me, I was young. On the other hand, Agnu bhaiya was the eldest in a family of 7 kids, he was the only brother of 6 sisters. His parents were not very well off, so they sent their daughter also, so that her expenses were also taken care of.

Soon I got friendly with Santoshi Didi, she used to be with me all the time. She used to play with me, feed me and evenings, when Mummy used to be home, after Mummy finished her cooking, Mummy used to read out Stories for us from 'Chandamama', 'Champak', 'Nandan',... I used to love her a lot and was getting close to her. One day, Mummy told me, Santoshi Didi has to leave, she was getting married. I was heartbroken, cried a lot, didn't understand what to do, didn't understand if marriage is just a Ceremony, why does she have to leave me. They had a custom of getting the daughters married, before they reach Adolescence. Later 'Bidai', after the girl reaches that stage. The memory still hurts.

After Santoshi Didi left, came Rajkumari Didi. She also stayed with me, played with me, dressed me up, sent me to school. I was in kindergarten during her stay. I think, she was the longest, who stayed with me. One day, even she bid Goodbye and came Savitri Didi. Meanwhile, Agnu Bhaiya also got married. I turned 5 and my parents sent me out to study (there weren't good schools in the mines). When I left, Agnu Bhaiya and Savitri Didi were still in the house. I used to visit my Parents twice a year and during one of my vacations, I heard Agnu Bhaiya is going to give Divorce to his Wife, since she couldn't Conceive and Remarry.

Now, I feel was it his wife's fault that, she couldn't get Pregnant. Is producing Children that important that, it could lead to Divorce. Agnu Bhaiya's parents gave Birth to soo many Children that they couldn't take care of. These girls were lucky that my Parents treated them as kids, otherwise Servants aren't treated well by all. And is Marriage the Ultimate Destination?? This Story is from a child's Perspective, her Experience, can't imagine what those Didis and Agnu Bhaiya's Wife must have gone through.

In my story, these people were poor and Illiterate. I, often used to fight with my Mother, as she used to teach about Hygiene and Birthcontrol in these places, why she didn't do anything, but realise it was beyond her to convince people to do things against their Custom.

Even In our Educated, Cultured Society, I still see people talking about Marriage and Child-birth. I often wonder, are these things really that IMPORTANT and shouldn't it be Individual's Decision to go for it. For all that I know, each thing needs lots of Effort, Commitment, Sacrifices.

Soon we will be celebrating 75 years of Independence. Isn't it high time to consider the Customs, which may not be Right on Humanitarian grounds and work towards the betterment of the Society.

#Writco#ChildMarriage#BirthControl#Illiteracy#Poverty#Custom#Marriage#ChildBirth#EducatedSociety#Culture


© Monisha Pathak