Today i felt different.....Today i felt as though the walls were caving in...i laughed and smiled but inside i was dying to stay strong....i gamed a little to try and keep my mind off things, but even then the things that used to bring joy just doesn't seem to provide as much relief as it used too...I blew up and caved today......What is wrong with me.....What is happening to me....Who am I...What is my purpose....what is my path....Why am i still here.....Today My mind waged war with my inner self and no matter how strong i can be mentally at times i fail and it is at those times the memories of times passed flood and initiate a spiral of uncontrollable cesspool of darkness and depression that i can't seem to escape from...Why do i keep attacking myself.....so much heartache....so much pain....even as i lay here in bed now i can't keep still....moving/rubbing/stretching/punching my lower limbs and getting annoyed that i can't stop...wanting more pain rather than go through what I'm going through.....wanting to escape....wanting not to feel the way that i feel anymore....I'm tired.....I'm fading....I'm collapsing but still i Wage War .
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