๐จ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
"๐ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐๐ถ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐" I whispered softly to myself as I close this pair of emerald eyes I have. Colored green eyes which everyone loves to look at, yet the most part I hated when seeing my reflection on the mirror.
I chuckled bitterly and shook my head as the familiar thought sailed again inside my thick-clouded mind,
๐ถ๐๐ ๐ผ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ก ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐กโ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ฆ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ก๐๐ ๐กโ๐ ๐ก๐ค๐๐๐๐โ๐ก ๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ .
Every person I met for the first time has always something to say. If not about the clothes I'm wearing, when I took off my eyeglasses, it would be about these almond shape windows attached on my average-looking visage. And they would say with such exaggeration, "You have the rarest eye color in the world! It's beautiful!"
In every reply of "๐๐๐๐๐๐" to these people, it has a corresponding words of shame and sarcasm at the back of my mind.
๐๐๐ก. ๐ฟ๐๐ก'๐ ๐๐ฅ๐โ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ฆ๐๐ , ๐กโ๐๐. ๐ด๐๐ก๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ผ โ๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ โ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ ๐.
They thought I have "... ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐? ๐ฏ๐๐, ๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐! ๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐!"
They say my parents "... ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐ฐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐!"
And they told me, "๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ -๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐. ๐พ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?"
When in truth?
I may have bunch of friends or best friends but they always fail about one thing, that is to ask me how I am doing.
They thought I'm happy, but I'm not.
They thought I'm doing good, but no. I maybe doing good with my acads life but I am telling you, I am not doing good with my personal life.
They thought I'm okay. Yes, I've always been okay but I haven't felt fine at all.
They don't see the truth in my eyes because all that they can perceive when looking through these freaking almond-shape windows is that...
๐ผ ๐๐ โ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ก ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Curse of having this pair.
My mother? She despises me. She don't even look at me with such affection of love as her eldest. She always wear the countenance of disgust when I'm around. Those eyes she has, I got it from her. Those eyes of mama on which I hated the most from myself, I would term it as ๐ฆ๐ข๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ when I sometimes manage to propped myself to look directly on it.
She's blaming me of my father's going.
Had good-looking boyfriends? I did have. But they did not love me like my father does.
I've yearned for love.
I tried to find it from many guys out there, but in the end, I failed. They would always leave me hanging, tired, lifeless and broken. I'm in the verge of generalizing guys because the first man who broke my heart was none other than my father. They did what my father did to me.
He loves me, I know that. I felt it. But the reality would still hit me that he left.
He's far away living with his mistress, probably having a better life and building a better family.
Well, maybe we're not enough. Maybe mama's not enough. Maybe his children are not enough. Maybe life with us is not enough for him. Or maybe he was deceived by mama's great asset just like how those boyfriends I had, fell from these ๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ง๐ฆ๐ค๐ต ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ด of mine.
They thought living with us would always bear perfect fruits in life.
They forgot that we are human too like them. Filled with flaws and insecurities. Not a god. Not perfect. Just human.
The one who should be the one helping me to love these green eyes has turned away.
The one who should be helping me to behold my eyes as a blessing has walked away.
Contact lenses? No. I would be fooling myself with that stuff. Even if I want those, I can't and I won't.
This pair of eyes deceived everyone around me.
I'm fed up with everything.
I'm worn out.
๐๐ค๐ฌ ๐ฉ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ข๐, ๐ฌ๐๐๐ฃ ๐ฌ๐ค๐ช๐ก๐ ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ข๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ค๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐ฉ ๐'๐ซ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฃ ๐๐ก๐ฌ๐๐ฎ๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ฃ๐?
โ photo cttro
#fiction #emotions #exhausted
ยฉ cristiana g.
I chuckled bitterly and shook my head as the familiar thought sailed again inside my thick-clouded mind,
๐ถ๐๐ ๐ผ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ก ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐กโ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ฆ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ก๐๐ ๐กโ๐ ๐ก๐ค๐๐๐๐โ๐ก ๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ .
Every person I met for the first time has always something to say. If not about the clothes I'm wearing, when I took off my eyeglasses, it would be about these almond shape windows attached on my average-looking visage. And they would say with such exaggeration, "You have the rarest eye color in the world! It's beautiful!"
In every reply of "๐๐๐๐๐๐" to these people, it has a corresponding words of shame and sarcasm at the back of my mind.
๐๐๐ก. ๐ฟ๐๐ก'๐ ๐๐ฅ๐โ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ฆ๐๐ , ๐กโ๐๐. ๐ด๐๐ก๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ผ โ๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ โ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ ๐.
They thought I have "... ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐? ๐ฏ๐๐, ๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐! ๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐!"
They say my parents "... ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐ฐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐!"
And they told me, "๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ -๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐. ๐พ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?"
When in truth?
I may have bunch of friends or best friends but they always fail about one thing, that is to ask me how I am doing.
They thought I'm happy, but I'm not.
They thought I'm doing good, but no. I maybe doing good with my acads life but I am telling you, I am not doing good with my personal life.
They thought I'm okay. Yes, I've always been okay but I haven't felt fine at all.
They don't see the truth in my eyes because all that they can perceive when looking through these freaking almond-shape windows is that...
๐ผ ๐๐ โ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ก ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
Curse of having this pair.
My mother? She despises me. She don't even look at me with such affection of love as her eldest. She always wear the countenance of disgust when I'm around. Those eyes she has, I got it from her. Those eyes of mama on which I hated the most from myself, I would term it as ๐ฆ๐ข๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ when I sometimes manage to propped myself to look directly on it.
She's blaming me of my father's going.
Had good-looking boyfriends? I did have. But they did not love me like my father does.
I've yearned for love.
I tried to find it from many guys out there, but in the end, I failed. They would always leave me hanging, tired, lifeless and broken. I'm in the verge of generalizing guys because the first man who broke my heart was none other than my father. They did what my father did to me.
He loves me, I know that. I felt it. But the reality would still hit me that he left.
He's far away living with his mistress, probably having a better life and building a better family.
Well, maybe we're not enough. Maybe mama's not enough. Maybe his children are not enough. Maybe life with us is not enough for him. Or maybe he was deceived by mama's great asset just like how those boyfriends I had, fell from these ๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ง๐ฆ๐ค๐ต ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ด of mine.
They thought living with us would always bear perfect fruits in life.
They forgot that we are human too like them. Filled with flaws and insecurities. Not a god. Not perfect. Just human.
The one who should be the one helping me to love these green eyes has turned away.
The one who should be helping me to behold my eyes as a blessing has walked away.
Contact lenses? No. I would be fooling myself with that stuff. Even if I want those, I can't and I won't.
This pair of eyes deceived everyone around me.
I'm fed up with everything.
I'm worn out.
๐๐ค๐ฌ ๐ฉ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ข๐, ๐ฌ๐๐๐ฃ ๐ฌ๐ค๐ช๐ก๐ ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ข๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ค๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐ฉ ๐'๐ซ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฃ ๐๐ก๐ฌ๐๐ฎ๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ฃ๐?
โ photo cttro
#fiction #emotions #exhausted
ยฉ cristiana g.