Please would all students, immigrants, refugees, asylum seekers, repatriated ISIS followers, redundant suicide bombers, radical extremists, please ensure before coming on Monday to claim for or collect the various benefits the UK benevolently issue to you, those, that is you, that have not previously contributed to the fiscal requirements placed upon born and bred citizens of the UK in order for them to be eligible for the same benefits.

Anyway please check for any mess, litter, rubbish, broken bottles, concrete pieces, metal shards and any other detritus left after you pulled down statues representing the history of the country you so readily and greedily hold both hands out for benefits.

Odd word benefits. In any transaction, both parties should separate with a win-win situation. Beneficial to both.

I just don't see it in this equation, do let's do what was earlier requested and clean up your mess.

And finally as a gesture of goodwill from one who is about to benefit from the toils of such men as those acknowledged in the form of commemorative statues. Restore the statues to their rightful place.

These are part of our born and bred culture and you are a guest of our culture. Give it the respect that we do and that which it deserves.

If not the message is simple. Go back from whence you escaped and practice statue toppling there.