I just got my first car. My dad taught me how to do things on it so one day I can do it on my own. But I don't want to do it on my own. I want my dad to come pick me up because I don't want to be at the party anymore. I want to call my dad and ask how to do something. And I want him to come help me do it. I don't want to grow up and do things by myself. Honestly, I'm terrified to grow up. My dad says he's excited for me. He can't wait to watch me enter adulthood. He can't wait to see me start a family. I wish I could be happy like him. I wish I didn't have so many fears that take control over my body. I wish I could be excited too. But maybe I can't be excited because I don't want to let go. I love doing things on my own. I've always figured it out by myself. But maybe I don't want to not need my dad. Maybe if I grow up ve can still come sing in the kitchen with me. Maybe if I grow up he can still listen to me talk about my day. Maybe if I grow up he can still be there for me. Maybe if I grow up, I can still want to need my dad.
© l.t