The sky was grey on that day when he walked in the room and looked away, something felt strange about him, his eyes won't meet mine I've never experienced such a moment since our 12 years of marriage. I know him better than he knows himself, or so I like to think and make myself believe. He's my best friend, the person that brightens a dark moment in my life, I gave myself to him as a wife, a friend, and so much more, I know he is my friend but I've always felt I'll never be that friend for him, he'll never consider me, I don't know why and something in me wouldn't dare me to search for the answer. He's a good man, an excellent spouse, a man of many truths, many hidden skeletons and many things I've experienced and yet to see or maybe I'll never get the opportunity. One thing for sure though, he'll never be a father, a dad to a little human being, the topic is sensitive, it's the type of personal that makes me emotional. In my head he'll make a great dad, but fate will never favor him like that. I see the way he stares at his colleagues children, the guilt pulls at him like a man hanging by a thread. he spends his days at the office, weekends with his friends fishing and his nights admiring me, you see the problem is I would've giggled catching him staring at me but now it means little to me, probably nothing at all. Maybe I still do love this man, maybe this is a stubborn type of stupid type of love or maybe it's just respect I am confusing for love, or what if it's just my soft heart betraying me. I know this man will never deserve me, I used to think otherwise, hard to remember or believe a time like that exist in the world. Maybe I am gullible for sticking around and standing beside him knowing if he was wearing my shoes he would've walked out the door...