SUICIDE NOTE

Dear Everything,

I didn't want to write this
I don't want anyone to read this
No, I'm not seeking for attention either.. but am still gonna write it anyway.

To let you know that I'm tired.
I am tired of faking smile. I am tired of pretending to be happy when am not
I have decided to end it all.

I won't go to hell as I'm already there.
A world filled with sadness , world filled with pain

"Why are you so different?
You are too quiet
You don't even have friends
You are always moody all the time
Try to smile a little bit, ok?
Your mates have graduated.. and some of them were in school already but look at you
You are messing up your future!

Okay what future? When all I can see is darkness
I don't have a future..my so called future doesn't exist!

Smile? No I've got nothing to smile about, I've got no one to smile for.
My happiness, my love, they don't exist anymore.

I'm hurting, but don't tell anyone.
No one needs to know
All I ever wanted is to be free. I couldn't find my peace in this oh so lonely earth.
I hated everything.
I hated every single day of my life. Every single person who didn't understand what it was to feel this way.
But most of all, I hated what I had become. Because there is nothing to describe this heaviness. No music, no painting.
I'm just a lost soul.

I have listened to the voice in my head. I have decided to escape.

Hey! Don't look at me that way.
I am not a loser, ok?.
Because I tried.
Honestly, I tried too. I tried to be happy. I tried to be free.
I tried faking smiles,
But lately, I got tired of trying.

Years went by the same way.
Faking smiles, sleepless nights.
I wasn't living, I was surviving.
I have given up on me

******
"I have given up on me."

Daniel sighed as he tried to digest the last sentence.
His eyes became glacer blue under the sheen of water, yet allowing the tears to flow without pause.
"Bella.. Why?"

His heart burst like the stars do in the end and he fell on his knees.

Bella and Daniel were childhood friends. They both lived at the orphanage
©Bella